The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

In recent years, many people argue that the demand about the production of consumer goods increases, leading to harm to the natural environment. Given the significance of this issue, identifying the determinants is key to finding the implementations.
There are several explanations for the phenomenon. Firstly and foremost, exploiting fossil fuels is caused by the manufacturing and transportation of consumer goods, leading to more pollutant emissions, increased land-use and deforestation, and accelerated climate change. For example, industrial emissions like nitrogen oxide or carbon dioxide from exploiting fossil fuel not only directly pollute the air, water and soil but also are the main culprit of the irreversible greenhouse effect. Besides, the energy-intensive manufacturing processes and transportation used for goods delivery account for a significant portion of greenhouse gas emissions, pushing the Earth towards a climate crisis.
However, there are some solutions to alleviate the problem. One possible implementation to address the issue would be companies should encourage the design of products that minimize environmental impact. For example, enterprises can prioritize the use of recycled materials and promote sustainable forestry practices, such as tree replanting initiatives. Another equally effective method is that governments can implement regulations and policies to control and reduce environmental damage from consumer goods production such as providing tax deductions and implementing regulations. When these policies are happening, it can encourage industries to transition to renewable energy sources, improve energy efficiency in manufacturing processes, and adopt greener approaches.
In conclusion, encouraging the design of products and implementing regulations and policies remain two major contributing factors to solve this issue.

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Errors and Improvements:

"many people argue" -> "many experts contend"
Explanation: Replacing "many people argue" with "many experts contend" introduces a more formal tone by attributing the viewpoint to knowledgeable individuals rather than a general population.
"about the production of consumer goods increases" -> "regarding the increasing production of consumer goods"
Explanation: Changing "about the production of consumer goods increases" to "regarding the increasing production of consumer goods" provides a more precise and formal expression.
"Given the significance of this issue" -> "Considering the gravity of this matter"
Explanation: Substituting "Given the significance of this issue" with "Considering the gravity of this matter" enhances formality and emphasizes the seriousness of the problem.
"Firstly and foremost" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: Replacing "Firstly and foremost" with "Primarily" maintains the sequential structure while using a more formal transition phrase.
"exploiting fossil fuels is caused by" -> "the utilization of fossil fuels is attributed to"
Explanation: Changing "exploiting fossil fuels is caused by" to "the utilization of fossil fuels is attributed to" offers a more precise and academically appropriate description.
"For example, industrial emissions like nitrogen oxide or carbon dioxide" -> "For instance, emissions such as nitrogen oxide or carbon dioxide from industrial activities"
Explanation: Substituting "For example, industrial emissions like nitrogen oxide or carbon dioxide" with "For instance, emissions such as nitrogen oxide or carbon dioxide from industrial activities" provides a more detailed and formal description.
"are the main culprit" -> "constitute the primary cause"
Explanation: Replacing "are the main culprit" with "constitute the primary cause" elevates the language and avoids informal terms.
"However, there are some solutions" -> "Nevertheless, several solutions exist"
Explanation: Changing "However, there are some solutions" to "Nevertheless, several solutions exist" maintains the contrast while using a more formal expression.
"One possible implementation" -> "One viable approach"
Explanation: Substituting "One possible implementation" with "One viable approach" conveys a similar meaning with a more sophisticated term.
"enterprises can prioritize" -> "companies can give precedence to"
Explanation: Replacing "enterprises can prioritize" with "companies can give precedence to" introduces a more formal and precise phrase.
"such as tree replanting initiatives" -> "including initiatives for tree replanting"
Explanation: Changing "such as tree replanting initiatives" to "including initiatives for tree replanting" provides a more grammatically accurate and formal structure.
"Another equally effective method is that" -> "Another equally effective approach involves"
Explanation: Substituting "Another equally effective method is that" with "Another equally effective approach involves" maintains clarity and improves formality.
"When these policies are happening" -> "Implementation of these policies"
Explanation: Changing "When these policies are happening" to "Implementation of these policies" provides a more direct and formal expression.
"remain two major contributing factors" -> "constitute two significant contributing factors"
Explanation: Replacing "remain two major contributing factors" with "constitute two significant contributing factors" offers a more precise and formal wording.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "In recent years, many people argue that the demand about the production of consumer goods increases, leading to harm to the natural environment. Given the significance of this issue, identifying the determinants is key to finding the implementations."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets up the context well by addressing the issue and emphasizing the importance of identifying determinants. However, it lacks a clear and concise thesis statement that outlines your position on the topic. Consider explicitly stating whether you agree or disagree with the prompt and providing a roadmap for your essay.
- Improved example: "In recent years, the surge in consumer goods production has sparked concerns about its environmental impact. This essay agrees with the notion that this increase is causing harm to the natural environment. To address this, the essay will explore the causes of this phenomenon and propose viable solutions."
Quoted text: "However, there are some solutions to alleviate the problem. One possible implementation to address the issue would be companies should encourage the design of products that minimize environmental impact."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The transition to the solutions is abrupt, and the first solution is not clearly stated. Additionally, the sentence structure is convoluted. Instead, provide a smoother transition and directly present the solutions. Also, use a more straightforward and grammatically correct expression.
- Improved example: "To mitigate the environmental impact, companies can play a pivotal role by prioritizing the design of products with minimal environmental footprints. For instance, promoting the use of recycled materials and advocating sustainable forestry practices, such as tree replanting initiatives, can be effective."
Quoted text: "Another equally effective method is that governments can implement regulations and policies to control and reduce environmental damage from consumer goods production such as providing tax deductions and implementing regulations."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The second solution is presented, but there is redundancy in mentioning "implementing regulations" twice in the same sentence. Also, the sentence structure is complex and could be simplified for clarity.
- Improved example: "Another equally effective approach is for governments to enact regulations and policies, including tax deductions, aimed at controlling and reducing environmental damage caused by consumer goods production."

Overall, the essay addresses the task, but there is room for improvement in the introduction and the expression of solutions for better coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and linking words, contributing to overall coherence. Each paragraph has a clear central topic, and the sequencing of information is logical. The essay adheres to the prompt, addressing both the causes of environmental damage from consumer goods production and proposing solutions.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure more seamless connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, strive for greater variety in sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to the writing. Ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical throughout the essay, maintaining a clear focus in each section.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. It uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The introduction includes phrases like "Given the significance of this issue" and "identifying the determinants," showcasing a reasonable range of vocabulary. The essay also employs specific terms such as "exploiting fossil fuels," "pollutant emissions," and "greenhouse effect," contributing to lexical variety. Additionally, the use of phrases like "energy-intensive manufacturing processes" and "tree replanting initiatives" reflects an attempt to incorporate less common vocabulary. Although there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "implementations" instead of "solutions," the overall lexical resource is suitable for Band 7.

How to Improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on using more sophisticated vocabulary consistently. Aim for greater precision in word choice and refine collocations. Additionally, ensure that uncommon terms are used accurately in context. Proofread the essay to eliminate minor errors and refine the choice of vocabulary for a more polished presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: This essay demonstrates a good range of structures with a variety of complex sentences. The ideas are conveyed clearly, and there is control over grammar and punctuation, with occasional errors that do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy further, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring consistent accuracy. Revising some sentence constructions and refining the use of articles and prepositions can enhance the overall accuracy of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to verb tenses for more precise temporal relationships.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there is a growing concern that the increasing demand for consumer goods is causing harm to the natural environment. Recognizing the factors behind this issue is crucial for implementing effective solutions.

The reasons for this phenomenon are multifaceted. Primarily, the use of fossil fuels in the manufacturing and transportation of consumer goods is a major contributor. This results in higher emissions of pollutants, increased land usage, deforestation, and an accelerated impact on climate change. For instance, emissions such as nitrogen oxide or carbon dioxide from industrial activities constitute the primary cause, directly affecting the air, water, and soil, while also contributing significantly to the irreversible greenhouse effect. Additionally, the energy-intensive processes involved in manufacturing and transportation contribute substantially to greenhouse gas emissions, exacerbating the global climate crisis.

Nevertheless, there are viable approaches to mitigate this problem. One effective strategy is for companies to give precedence to environmentally friendly product design. For example, businesses can prioritize using recycled materials and support sustainable forestry practices, including initiatives for tree replanting. Another equally effective approach involves the implementation of policies and regulations by governments to control and reduce environmental damage resulting from consumer goods production. Such measures may include providing tax deductions and enforcing regulations. As these policies take effect, they can incentivize industries to shift towards renewable energy sources, enhance energy efficiency in manufacturing processes, and adopt greener approaches.

In conclusion, prioritizing environmentally friendly product design and implementing regulations and policies are two significant contributing factors that can address the environmental impact of consumer goods production.