The increase in tourism may be causing environmental damage to our planet. What are some causes of the damage and how can we work to solve the problems of tourism creates

The significant rise of tourism may damage the environment to our planet, which can be both direct and indirect. In this essay, I will look at some of the causes of this situation and propose some measures to deal with this problem.

The impacts that tourism can have on the environment are very terrible. First, many forests are destroyed to build hotels, restaurants and entertainment for tourists which directly influence the ocean and surrounding animals. Besides, logging activities to make construction materials are also a reason causing environmental damage. Secondly, the amount of plastic waste thrown away by tourists accounts for a high rate and tends to increase, notably on the sea. This causes water pollution and danger to corals and sea animals. Finally, the number of vehicles for journeys rises dramatically, which produces huge amounts of emissions. As a result, they cause air pollution.

Governments can help in several ways to protect the environment. First of all, governments propose strict regulations to protect natural areas such as paying fines or arresting those who violate. Next, they need to increase awareness of citizens about discarding trash in the right place and keeping the environment clean. Lastly, governments should adopt high tax car ownership and expand public transport, which encourages people to use public transport to travel.

To sum up, we say that deforestation, water pollution and air pollution are the main threats that impact the environment through tourism. Governments should use law, education to improve this situation. Everyone must work together to protect the environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The significant rise of tourism may damage the environment to our planet" -> "The significant increase in tourism may harm the environment globally"
Explanation: Replacing "damage the environment to our planet" with "harm the environment globally" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language suitable for academic writing, avoiding the colloquial "to our planet."
"which can be both direct and indirect" -> "which can have both direct and indirect effects"
Explanation: Changing "which can be both direct and indirect" to "which can have both direct and indirect effects" clarifies the meaning and uses a more formal verb structure, enhancing the academic tone.
"very terrible" -> "severe"
Explanation: Replacing "very terrible" with "severe" removes the emotional connotation and aligns better with formal academic language, which avoids emotional language.
"many forests are destroyed to build hotels, restaurants and entertainment for tourists" -> "numerous forests are cleared to construct hotels, restaurants, and recreational facilities for tourists"
Explanation: "Numerous forests are cleared to construct hotels, restaurants, and recreational facilities for tourists" uses more precise vocabulary and avoids the casual phrasing of "entertainment for tourists."
"which directly influence the ocean and surrounding animals" -> "which directly affect the ocean and its surrounding ecosystems"
Explanation: "which directly affect the ocean and its surrounding ecosystems" is more specific and scientifically accurate, replacing the vague "animals" with "ecosystems."
"logging activities to make construction materials are also a reason causing environmental damage" -> "logging activities for construction materials also contribute to environmental degradation"
Explanation: "contribute to environmental degradation" is a more precise and formal way to express causality, replacing the awkward and incorrect "are also a reason causing."
"the amount of plastic waste thrown away by tourists accounts for a high rate and tends to increase" -> "the volume of plastic waste discarded by tourists significantly increases"
Explanation: "the volume of plastic waste discarded by tourists significantly increases" is more concise and uses more precise language, avoiding the vague "accounts for a high rate."
"notably on the sea" -> "particularly in marine environments"
Explanation: "particularly in marine environments" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "notably on the sea."
"the number of vehicles for journeys rises dramatically" -> "the number of vehicles used for transportation increases substantially"
Explanation: "the number of vehicles used for transportation increases substantially" is more formal and precise, replacing the colloquial "for journeys" and "rises dramatically."
"which produces huge amounts of emissions" -> "which generates significant emissions"
Explanation: "which generates significant emissions" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "huge amounts."
"Governments can help in several ways to protect the environment" -> "Governments can implement various measures to protect the environment"
Explanation: "implement various measures" is more specific and formal than "help in several ways," aligning better with academic style.
"paying fines or arresting those who violate" -> "imposing fines or penalties on violators"
Explanation: "imposing fines or penalties on violators" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "paying fines or arresting those who violate."
"increase awareness of citizens about discarding trash in the right place" -> "raise public awareness about proper waste disposal"
Explanation: "raise public awareness about proper waste disposal" is more concise and uses more formal language, improving clarity and formality.
"Governments should use law, education to improve this situation" -> "Governments should employ legal measures and educational initiatives to address this issue"
Explanation: "employ legal measures and educational initiatives to address this issue" is more formal and precise, replacing the vague and informal "use law, education to improve this situation."
"Everyone must work together to protect the environment" -> "It is imperative that all stakeholders collaborate to protect the environment"
Explanation: "It is imperative that all stakeholders collaborate to protect the environment" uses more formal language and emphasizes the collective responsibility, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies several causes of environmental damage due to tourism, such as deforestation for construction, plastic waste, and increased vehicle emissions. However, while it mentions these causes, it does not fully explore the implications of these issues or how they interconnect. The second part of the prompt asks for solutions, which the essay addresses but could be more comprehensive. For example, the suggestion to adopt high taxes on car ownership is a good start, but it lacks depth in explaining how this would effectively reduce emissions or promote public transport usage.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each cause is not only identified but also elaborated upon. For instance, discussing the long-term effects of deforestation on biodiversity could provide a more nuanced understanding. Additionally, the solutions could be expanded with specific examples of successful initiatives in other regions or countries.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance on the negative impacts of tourism on the environment. However, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be smoother. The phrase "we say that" in the conclusion feels somewhat informal and detracts from the authoritative tone expected in an academic essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use more formal language and ensure that each section of the essay flows logically into the next. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. For example, stating "In addition to these causes, it is crucial to explore potential solutions" would create a seamless transition.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the causes of environmental damage and potential solutions. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions the need for stricter regulations, it does not provide examples of what these regulations could entail or how they have been implemented successfully elsewhere.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics on tourism’s impact on specific ecosystems or case studies of successful environmental policies in tourist-heavy regions. This would not only enhance the credibility of the arguments but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the environmental impacts of tourism and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the mention of increasing awareness among citizens is relevant but could be more closely tied to specific actions that individuals can take to mitigate tourism’s impact.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central theme of tourism’s environmental impact. Additionally, avoiding vague statements and instead providing concrete actions that individuals or governments can take would enhance the relevance of the discussion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, more formal language, and stronger examples to support claims.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs detailing the causes of environmental damage due to tourism, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be enhanced. For instance, the transition from discussing the causes to the solutions is somewhat abrupt. The paragraph discussing the causes lists several points but could benefit from clearer connections between them, such as linking how deforestation leads to water pollution.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing deforestation, you could add a sentence that explains how this leads to increased water pollution. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, guiding the reader through your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the second paragraph could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the causes and another on the effects of tourism on the environment. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and contains a mix of general statements and specific examples. For instance, the paragraph on government solutions could be expanded with more detailed explanations or examples of how these measures have been implemented successfully in other contexts.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices effectively, such as "first," "besides," and "finally," to list causes. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited. The use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas is minimal, which can make the text feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "the environment" is used multiple times without variation.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "in addition," "consequently," or "as a result" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, consider using synonyms or pronouns to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "the environment," you could use "natural surroundings" or "ecosystems" to maintain reader interest and enhance cohesion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "environmental damage," "pollution," and "deforestation" being appropriately used. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "environmental damage" and "pollution," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "pollution," you could use "contamination," "degradation," or "deterioration." Additionally, incorporating more specific terms related to environmental science, such as "biodiversity loss" or "ecosystem disruption," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary. For example, the phrase "very terrible" is vague and lacks the impact that more precise language could provide. Additionally, "the amount of plastic waste thrown away by tourists accounts for a high rate" could be clearer; "high rate" is ambiguous and could be replaced with a more specific term like "significant proportion."
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise adjectives and phrases. Instead of "very terrible," consider "severely detrimental" or "extremely harmful." When discussing statistics or proportions, use specific data or comparative terms, such as "a significant increase" or "a concerning rise," to clarify your points.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances that could be improved, such as "high tax car ownership," which should be "high taxes on car ownership" for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice writing frequently and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, reviewing common spelling rules and frequently misspelled words can help. Reading more academic texts can also improve familiarity with correct spellings in context.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, using more precise language, and ensuring correct spelling, the essay could achieve a higher score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For example, the use of "First, many forests are destroyed to build hotels, restaurants and entertainment for tourists…" shows a straightforward structure, while "Governments can help in several ways to protect the environment" introduces a more complex idea effectively. However, the essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "The impacts that tourism can have on the environment are very terrible," the writer could say, "Although tourism can provide economic benefits, the impacts it has on the environment are often devastating." This would not only diversify sentence structures but also improve the depth of the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the amount of plastic waste thrown away by tourists accounts for a high rate and tends to increase, notably on the sea" could be clearer. The use of "notably on the sea" is awkward and could lead to confusion. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in lists (e.g., "hotels, restaurants and entertainment" should ideally include a comma before "and" for clarity).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors and ensuring clarity in expression. Practicing the use of commas in lists and understanding where to place them in complex sentences will enhance readability. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity—such as rephrasing "which can be both direct and indirect" to "which can have both direct and indirect effects"—can strengthen the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The significant rise in tourism may harm the environment globally, which can have both direct and indirect effects. In this essay, I will examine some of the causes of this issue and propose measures to address the problems created by tourism.

The impacts that tourism can have on the environment are severe. First, numerous forests are cleared to construct hotels, restaurants, and recreational facilities for tourists, which directly affect the ocean and its surrounding ecosystems. Additionally, logging activities for construction materials also contribute to environmental degradation. Secondly, the volume of plastic waste discarded by tourists significantly increases, particularly in marine environments. This leads to water pollution and poses a danger to coral reefs and marine life. Finally, the number of vehicles used for transportation increases substantially, which generates significant emissions. As a result, this contributes to air pollution.

Governments can implement various measures to protect the environment. First of all, they can propose strict regulations to safeguard natural areas, such as imposing fines or penalties on violators. Next, it is essential to raise public awareness about proper waste disposal and the importance of keeping the environment clean. Lastly, governments should employ legal measures and educational initiatives to address this issue, such as implementing high taxes on car ownership and expanding public transport options, which encourages people to use public transportation for their journeys.

To sum up, deforestation, water pollution, and air pollution are the main threats that impact the environment due to tourism. It is imperative that all stakeholders collaborate to protect the environment.