The increased world demand for oil and gas has made it necessary for locating these sources in remote and untouched natural areas. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging these natural areas?

The world has already witnessed an increasing demand for fuel, leading to the establishment of these sources in unexplored areas. In this essay, I would evaluate both the pros and cons before proposing whether or not the advantages overperform the drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are some benefits related to landing oil processing factories in remote areas. This implementation could somewhat mitigate the citizens' health problems. As the technique of processing fossil fuels requires many steps, it could release a huge amount of toxic waste into the atmosphere. If such waste accumulates, it could lead to air pollution on large scale. As a result, many innocent individuals might run the risk of suffering from health issues related to respiratory system owing to this problem. However, if authorities build factories on lands far away from towns, there will be a considerable fall in the number of patients contracting diseases such as tuberculosis or bronchitis.

On the other hand, this phenomenon would have some problematic implications that should receive more attention. Untouched areas might have some natural attractions that are not discovered yet. If these destinations were funded by the government, they could actually attract foreign visitors. Thus, keeping these areas' beauty could contribute greatly to a country’s economy, especially in terms of tourism. Therefore, the act of utilizing such lands for producing oil and gas should be reduced to minimum.

To conclude, after assessing both the negative and positive implications of the trend that locating factories in isolated regions, I think the benefits are equal to the disadvantages. While setting up these companies in such areas could deteriorate their intact attractiveness, it could protect the quality of life for city's dwellers as well. As a result, their establishment should be considered moderately.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The world has already witnessed" -> "The world has observed"
Explanation: "Observed" is more precise and formal than "witnessed," which can sound slightly colloquial in this context.
"establishment of these sources" -> "establishment of these sources of fuel"
Explanation: Adding "of fuel" clarifies the subject of the establishment, enhancing the specificity and clarity of the sentence.
"I would evaluate both the pros and cons" -> "I will evaluate both the advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "Advantages and disadvantages" is a more formal and precise term than "pros and cons," which is somewhat informal.
"overperform the drawbacks" -> "outweigh the disadvantages"
Explanation: "Outweigh" is a more precise and formal term than "overperform," which is not commonly used in this context.
"This implementation could somewhat mitigate" -> "This implementation could partially mitigate"
Explanation: "Partially" is a more precise adverb than "somewhat," which is vague and informal.
"a huge amount of toxic waste" -> "a significant amount of toxic waste"
Explanation: "Significant" is more academically appropriate than "huge," which can be seen as informal and imprecise.
"on large scale" -> "on a large scale"
Explanation: "On a large scale" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "on large scale" is grammatically incorrect.
"innocent individuals" -> "residents"
Explanation: "Residents" is more specific and formal than "innocent individuals," which is vague and emotionally charged.
"run the risk of suffering" -> "are at risk of developing"
Explanation: "Are at risk of developing" is a more precise and formal way to express the potential health consequences.
"could actually attract foreign visitors" -> "could potentially attract foreign tourists"
Explanation: "Potential" is more formal than "actually," and "tourists" is more specific than "visitors," which is too general.
"keeping these areas’ beauty" -> "preserving these areas’ natural beauty"
Explanation: "Preserving" is more specific and formal than "keeping," and "natural beauty" clarifies the type of beauty being referred to.
"the act of utilizing such lands" -> "the use of such lands"
Explanation: "The use of" is a more concise and formal expression than "the act of utilizing."
"should be reduced to minimum" -> "should be minimized"
Explanation: "Minimized" is a more direct and formal term than "reduced to minimum," which is awkwardly phrased.
"city’s dwellers" -> "city dwellers"
Explanation: "City dwellers" is a more common and formal term than "city’s dwellers," which is awkwardly constructed.
"their establishment should be considered moderately" -> "their establishment should be considered judiciously"
Explanation: "Judiciously" is a more precise and formal adverb than "moderately," which is vague and informal in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of locating oil and gas sources in remote areas. The author mentions health benefits for urban populations and the potential economic loss from tourism in untouched natural areas. However, the evaluation of these points lacks depth. For instance, while the health benefits are mentioned, the connection between factory location and health outcomes could be more explicitly articulated. Additionally, the conclusion states that the benefits are equal to the disadvantages, which does not directly answer the prompt’s question about whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is addressed more thoroughly. This includes providing a clearer argument for whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, supported by more detailed examples and analysis of both sides.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that suggests a balance between the advantages and disadvantages, but this position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The introduction implies a forthcoming evaluation, yet the conclusion introduces ambiguity by stating that the benefits are equal to the drawbacks. This inconsistency can confuse the reader regarding the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay. This can be achieved by explicitly stating their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforcing it in the conclusion. If the writer believes that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages or vice versa, this should be clearly articulated and supported throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the health benefits of locating factories away from urban areas and the economic implications of tourism. However, these ideas are not fully developed. For example, the discussion on health issues could benefit from more specific statistics or studies to strengthen the argument. Similarly, the tourism point could include examples of countries that have successfully leveraged untouched natural areas for economic gain.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. This could involve integrating relevant data, case studies, or expert opinions to substantiate claims and enhance the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of oil and gas extraction in remote areas. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the conclusion, where the writer introduces the idea of "moderate" establishment without clearly linking it back to the main argument about advantages versus disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every paragraph ties back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the prompt in each section and ensuring that all points made are relevant to the overall argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the position, more in-depth exploration of ideas, and a stronger focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs (one for advantages and one for disadvantages), and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized around distinct points. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of locating factories in remote areas to the disadvantages feels somewhat abrupt. The argument about health benefits could be better linked to the broader implications of environmental damage.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point flows naturally into the next. For example, after discussing health benefits, you could introduce the disadvantages by stating how these benefits might come at a significant environmental cost, thus creating a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first body paragraph is longer and more detailed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the discussion.
- How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraphs by ensuring each point is explored with similar depth. For instance, the second paragraph could include more specific examples or elaboration on the economic benefits of tourism to match the detail provided in the first paragraph about health issues. This would not only enhance the overall coherence but also provide a more robust argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting points. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. There are instances where transitions between sentences could be smoother, and the essay relies heavily on basic conjunctions like "and" and "but."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking phrases and transitional words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "however," you might use "nevertheless," "in contrast," or "conversely" to introduce opposing points. Additionally, using phrases like "furthermore" or "in addition" can help to connect ideas within paragraphs more fluidly, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, such as "unexplored areas," "toxic waste," and "natural attractions." However, the vocabulary choices are sometimes repetitive and lack sophistication. For instance, the phrases "health problems" and "health issues" are used interchangeably without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "health problems," alternatives like "health risks" or "medical concerns" could be used. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to environmental and economic contexts would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the act of utilizing such lands for producing oil and gas should be reduced to minimum" could be clearer. The term "reduced to minimum" is awkward and lacks precision, as it does not convey a clear action or standard.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using more specific terms. Instead of "reduced to minimum," a phrase like "should be minimized" or "should be limited" would be clearer. Furthermore, ensuring that terms are contextually appropriate will enhance the overall clarity of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant spelling errors that impede understanding. Words like "tuberculosis," "bronchitis," and "atmosphere" are spelled correctly, which reflects a solid grasp of basic spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or writing software can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through reading and writing exercises can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as, "As the technique of processing fossil fuels requires many steps, it could release a huge amount of toxic waste into the atmosphere." Additionally, the use of conditional structures, like "If such waste accumulates, it could lead to air pollution on large scale," showcases the writer’s ability to manipulate grammatical forms effectively. However, there are instances where simpler sentence structures are overused, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and use a wider range of conjunctions to link ideas. For example, instead of relying on "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," the writer might consider using phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" to introduce opposing viewpoints. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can add interest; for instance, starting sentences with adverbial clauses can create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "on large scale" should be "on a large scale" to ensure proper article usage. Additionally, the sentence "the act of utilizing such lands for producing oil and gas should be reduced to minimum" would be clearer as "should be reduced to a minimum." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially in terms of tourism" to separate it from the main clause.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing common grammatical rules, particularly regarding articles and prepositions. Regular practice with exercises that target these areas can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should consider reading their work aloud to identify natural pauses where commas may be needed. Additionally, proofreading for common errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may detract from the overall quality of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills will further enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The world has observed an increasing demand for fuel, leading to the establishment of these sources in remote and untouched natural areas. In this essay, I will evaluate both the advantages and disadvantages before proposing whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are several benefits associated with locating oil processing factories in remote areas. This implementation could partially mitigate citizens’ health problems. The process of extracting fossil fuels involves many steps, which can release a significant amount of toxic waste into the atmosphere. If such waste accumulates, it could lead to air pollution on a large scale. Consequently, many residents might be at risk of developing health issues related to the respiratory system due to this problem. However, if authorities build factories on lands far away from towns, there would likely be a considerable decrease in the number of patients contracting diseases such as tuberculosis or bronchitis.

On the other hand, this phenomenon could have problematic implications that deserve more attention. Untouched areas may contain natural attractions that remain undiscovered. If these destinations were promoted by the government, they could potentially attract foreign tourists. Thus, preserving these areas’ natural beauty could significantly contribute to a country’s economy, particularly in terms of tourism. Therefore, the use of such lands for producing oil and gas should be minimized.

To conclude, after assessing both the negative and positive implications of locating factories in isolated regions, I believe the advantages are equal to the disadvantages. While establishing these companies in such areas could diminish their pristine attractiveness, it could also protect the quality of life for city dwellers. As a result, their establishment should be considered judiciously.