The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?

Disparity between the wealthy countries and impoverished ones is a long lasting
concern which is on the verge of gradually enlarging. Indeed, this problem has its origin from many aspects, particularly is the consequence of the limitation of technological advancement and unsustained economic development of the unfavorable side. This essay will argue why these reasons lead to a wide unequal gap, followed by productive measures to lessen the situation.

It is clear that boosting the economy is the utmost mission of each country; therefore, the difference of general economic enhancement has been an attributor to the wall separating the wealthy and poor countries. Clearly, the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of high-income countries is by far larger than that of developing countries, making them become the upper position that pushes the poor to the stagnation.. This is due to the phenomenon of brain drain which the majority of labor work forces of poor countries transmit to the high-income ones with more offers and welfare, contributing their talent to other countries not their motherland. Moreover, the inequality between rich and poor countries also derives from the capability to get access to up-to-date technological inventions which assist them in making progress. In the technocratic era, information technology plays a crucial role in various aspects of society and is involved in most works of humans that the deficit of it results in the slow-moving awareness of global news and the privation of suitable assisting platforms to improve their living quality. In fact, while developed countries utilize advanced technology to increase the productivity of manufacturing, their poor counterparts are confronted with the lack of infrastructure to maintain the optimal production. Such is the case for the relationship between Japan and Vietnam where the former applies daily updated incorporation of technology into manual tasks instead of human resources, whereas the latter is out-fashioned with collar workers that leads to unproductive outcomes. Hence, these causes bring the larger disparity between developed and developing nations.

Nonetheless, this problem can be addressed by adopting fair trade with foreign aid combined with technology transfer and innovation. In particular, it is possible to reform the global trade system which should become more inclusive that ensures all nations have fair access markets with sufficient manpower and are able to prevent resource exploitation. For example,in Ethiopia, fair trade agreements have helped small coffee farmers earn higher incomes by eliminating middlemen and providing better access to international markets, ensuring a sustained commerce within the country. Furthermore, low-income countries should be facilitated with more beneficial options involved in healthcare, agriculture, industry which are the aims of the transfer of technology. By promoting technological development, low-graded countries can accelerate economic progression and living standards. Take the M-pesa, a mobile banking service for example, the success of it in the commercial realm has lifted billions out of poverty by increasing financial inclusion, enabling small-scale businesses to flourish, consequently contributing to national income and boosting the economy. By adopting these measures, the shortcoming of inequality can be somehow alleviated.
In conclusion, the problem of inequality between developed and developing countries seems to result from the economic downfall and shortage of technology application that is gradually expanding the unexpected chasm. Solutions, however, can do wonders if trading activity is evenly fair and technological development is divided equally for every nation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Disparity between the wealthy countries and impoverished ones" -> "Disparities between wealthy and impoverished nations"
Explanation: Using "nations" instead of "countries" provides a more formal and precise term, and "disparities" is more appropriate than "disparity" to describe multiple differences.
"is on the verge of gradually enlarging" -> "is gradually increasing"
Explanation: "On the verge of" is somewhat informal and vague; "increasing" is more direct and suitable for academic writing.
"the limitation of technological advancement" -> "limited technological advancements"
Explanation: "Limited technological advancements" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"unsustained economic development of the unfavorable side" -> "unsustainable economic development in disadvantaged regions"
Explanation: "Unsustainable" is more precise than "unsustained," and "disadvantaged regions" is a clearer and more formal term than "the unfavorable side."
"the wall separating the wealthy and poor countries" -> "the divide between wealthy and impoverished nations"
Explanation: "The divide" is a more formal term than "the wall," and "impoverished nations" is more precise than "poor countries."
"making them become the upper position that pushes the poor to the stagnation" -> "resulting in their dominance, which pushes the poor into stagnation"
Explanation: "Resulting in their dominance" is more precise and formal, and "into stagnation" is grammatically correct.
"the majority of labor work forces" -> "the majority of labor forces"
Explanation: "Labor work forces" is redundant; "labor forces" is the correct term.
"with more offers and welfare" -> "with better working conditions and higher wages"
Explanation: "Better working conditions and higher wages" are specific and formal terms compared to the vague "offers and welfare."
"the inequality" -> "the inequality"
Explanation: Remove the space before "inequality" for grammatical correctness.
"the capability to get access to up-to-date technological inventions" -> "access to up-to-date technological innovations"
Explanation: "Access to up-to-date technological innovations" is more concise and formal.
"the slow-moving awareness of global news" -> "slow dissemination of global news"
Explanation: "Slow dissemination" is a more precise and formal term than "slow-moving awareness."
"the privation of suitable assisting platforms" -> "the lack of suitable support platforms"
Explanation: "The lack of suitable support platforms" is clearer and more formal.
"collar workers" -> "manual laborers"
Explanation: "Manual laborers" is a more formal and accurate term than "collar workers."
"out-fashioned with collar workers" -> "outdated with manual laborers"
Explanation: "Outdated" is more precise than "out-fashioned," and "manual laborers" is the correct term.
"low-graded countries" -> "low-income countries"
Explanation: "Low-income countries" is the correct term, not "low-graded."
"M-pesa, a mobile banking service for example" -> "M-Pesa, a mobile banking service, for example"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "service" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"lifting billions out of poverty" -> "lifting millions out of poverty"
Explanation: "Millions" is a more realistic and precise number than "billions" in this context.
"the shortcoming of inequality" -> "the shortcomings of inequality"
Explanation: "Shortcomings" is plural to match the plural subject "the shortcoming."
"the unexpected chasm" -> "the widening gap"
Explanation: "Widening gap" is a more precise and formal term than "unexpected chasm."

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying key causes of the widening gap between rich and poor nations, such as economic disparity and technological limitations. The discussion of brain drain and the lack of infrastructure in developing countries provides a solid foundation for understanding the issue. Additionally, the proposed solutions, including fair trade and technology transfer, are relevant and well-articulated. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the causes and the proposed solutions, ensuring that each solution directly addresses the identified cause.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly link each cause to its corresponding solution. For example, after discussing brain drain, they could suggest specific policies that could retain talent in developing countries. This would create a more cohesive argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the inequality between nations is a significant issue, supported by logical reasoning and examples. The stance is consistent throughout, with a clear argument that both identifies causes and suggests solutions. However, the introduction could be more assertive in stating the writer’s viewpoint, which would strengthen the overall clarity of the position.
- How to improve: The introduction could be revised to include a more definitive statement of the writer’s opinion on the issue. For instance, explicitly stating that the widening gap is a pressing global concern would set a stronger tone for the essay. Additionally, reinforcing the position in the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments would further solidify the clarity of the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas related to the causes of inequality and potential solutions. Each idea is generally well-supported with examples, such as the reference to Ethiopia’s fair trade agreements and the success of M-Pesa. However, some points, particularly regarding the technological divide, could be further elaborated to provide a more comprehensive understanding of how these issues manifest in different contexts.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could include more specific examples or data to illustrate the impact of technological advancements on economic growth in developing countries. Additionally, expanding on the examples provided, such as detailing how M-Pesa operates and its broader implications for economic development, would enhance the depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of inequality and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the transition between ideas could be smoother. The mention of Japan and Vietnam is relevant, but the connection to the overall argument could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the prompt. Additionally, transitions between ideas should be more explicit, guiding the reader through the argument. For instance, linking the example of Japan and Vietnam back to the broader theme of technological disparity would help reinforce the relevance of the discussion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By refining the connections between causes and solutions, enhancing the clarity of the position, and providing more detailed support for ideas, the writer could elevate the essay to an even higher level of coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized, moving from the identification of causes to proposed solutions. For instance, the transition from discussing economic disparity to technological access is logical and follows a coherent progression. However, some sentences could be clearer in their connections to the main argument, leading to occasional confusion about the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point directly supports the thesis. For example, when discussing brain drain, explicitly connect it back to how it exacerbates economic disparity, reinforcing the logical flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as causes or solutions. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For instance, the second body paragraph is quite dense and could benefit from being split into two, allowing for a more thorough exploration of each cause.
- How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraphs by ensuring that each one contains a similar amount of information and analysis. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones that each tackle a single idea or aspect. This will enhance clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "in particular," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive or could be more varied. For example, the phrase "this is due to" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases that convey similar meanings. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this is due to," you could use "this can be attributed to" or "this results from." Additionally, incorporating more transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively utilizing terms such as "disparity," "impoverished," "brain drain," and "technocratic era." This variety enriches the text and conveys complex ideas clearly. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "countries" could be substituted with synonyms like "nations" or "states" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader array of synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "poor countries," you might use "developing nations" or "low-income states." This not only enhances the richness of your vocabulary but also keeps the reader engaged.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the upper position that pushes the poor to the stagnation" could be clearer. The term "upper position" is somewhat vague and could be more accurately described as "advantaged position" or "dominant position." Additionally, "unsustained economic development" could be better expressed as "unsustainable economic development" for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on refining your word choices to ensure they convey your intended meaning precisely. When drafting, consider whether a term accurately reflects the concept you wish to express. Using a thesaurus can help find more precise alternatives, but ensure that the chosen words fit the context appropriately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor errors such as "unsustained" instead of "unsustainable" and "the majority of labor work forces" which should be "the majority of the workforce." These errors do not significantly detract from the overall clarity but indicate areas for improvement.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling and grammatical structures. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and utilizing spell-check tools can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving an even higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "the difference of general economic enhancement has been an attributor to the wall separating the wealthy and poor countries" showcases an attempt at complexity. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear structures, such as "the majority of labor work forces of poor countries transmit to the high-income ones," which could be more clearly expressed as "the majority of the workforce in poor countries migrate to high-income countries."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different sentence types (simple, compound, complex) more fluidly. Incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses can also help. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses or participial phrases can add depth. Additionally, revising awkward phrases for clarity and conciseness will improve overall readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors. For example, the phrase "the limitation of technological advancement and unsustained economic development of the unfavorable side" is somewhat convoluted and lacks clarity. There are also punctuation errors, such as the double period at the end of "stagnation.." and missing spaces after commas, as seen in "For example,in Ethiopia." These issues detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch punctuation errors and ensure proper spacing. Additionally, focusing on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles will enhance grammatical precision. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help avoid convoluted phrases, making the writing clearer and more direct. Engaging in exercises that focus on punctuation rules will further solidify these skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable range of grammatical structures and generally accurate grammar, there are areas for improvement in clarity, punctuation, and the fluidity of sentence construction. By addressing these issues, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Disparities between wealthy countries and impoverished ones have long been a concern, and this gap is gradually increasing. Indeed, this issue arises from various factors, particularly the limited technological advancements and unsustainable economic development in disadvantaged regions. This essay will discuss why these reasons contribute to the widening divide between wealthy and impoverished nations, followed by effective measures to reduce this gap.

It is clear that boosting the economy is the primary mission of each country; therefore, the differences in overall economic enhancement have contributed to the wall separating wealthy and poor nations. The Gross Domestic Product (GDP) of high-income countries is significantly larger than that of developing countries, placing them in a dominant position that pushes the poor into stagnation. This situation is exacerbated by the phenomenon of brain drain, where the majority of labor forces from low-income countries migrate to high-income nations in search of better working conditions and higher wages, thereby contributing their talents to other countries rather than their homeland. Moreover, the inequality between rich and poor nations also stems from the ability to access up-to-date technological innovations, which assist in making progress. In today’s technocratic era, information technology plays a crucial role in various aspects of society, and its absence results in the slow dissemination of global news and a lack of suitable support platforms to improve living standards. While developed countries utilize advanced technology to enhance manufacturing productivity, their poorer counterparts face infrastructure deficits that hinder optimal production. For instance, the relationship between Japan and Vietnam illustrates this disparity: Japan employs daily updated technology in manual tasks, whereas Vietnam remains outdated with manual laborers, leading to unproductive outcomes. Hence, these causes contribute to the widening gap between developed and developing nations.

Nonetheless, this problem can be addressed by adopting fair trade practices combined with technology transfer and innovation. In particular, reforming the global trade system to ensure inclusivity would allow all nations fair access to markets, sufficient manpower, and protection against resource exploitation. For example, in Ethiopia, fair trade agreements have helped small coffee farmers earn higher incomes by eliminating middlemen and providing better access to international markets, ensuring sustainable commerce within the country. Furthermore, low-income countries should be provided with more beneficial options in healthcare, agriculture, and industry, which are the aims of technology transfer. By promoting technological development, these nations can accelerate economic progression and improve living standards. Take M-Pesa, a mobile banking service, for example; its success in the commercial realm has lifted millions out of poverty by increasing financial inclusion, enabling small-scale businesses to flourish, and consequently contributing to national income and boosting the economy. By implementing these measures, the shortcomings of inequality can be alleviated.

In conclusion, the issue of inequality between developed and developing countries appears to stem from economic challenges and a lack of technological application, which is gradually expanding the gap. However, solutions can significantly improve the situation if trade practices are made fair and technological advancements are shared equitably among all nations.