The internet has transformed lives and economics but it is turning the world into a global village. Soon everybody will think and behave in the same way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In today’s world, the outburst of the Internet has strongly influenced on people’s life and the economics, contributed to globalization. People have different views about whether these factors lead to the similar in lifestyles and thoughts all around the world. To my way of thinking, I am in a disagreement with the given statement and think that Internet promotes individuality.
To begin with, Internet allows individuals to express their own personality. In detail, social media has its law to stabilize order and unity on the network. Nevertheless, some platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Youtube,.. are where people can update their daily life, thoughts, pictures. They also can become famous if they make a strong impression with others social network participants. For instance, an American celebrity – Cardi B, is known as a humorous and straight rapper, she received much love from the youth. All in all, people tend to behave similarly to respect and obey the communication rules dictate by the Internet, however, people still can represent their characters.
On the other hand, World Wide Web connects citizens from all over the world. No matter how far and different they are, they can make friends. Individuals must respect each others’ discrepancy and find out the novelty throughout cyberspace. For example, thanks to Messenger, now we can interact with friends as well as expand the global knowledge base. As a result, the social network bond is strengthen.
To conclusion, information superhighway note only conveys individuality but also gets society closer. Eventhough some people are frightened to become clones because of the internet, I believe that even the internet life influence tremendously the behaviour of individuals, it will never erase the real identity of people in society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the outburst of the Internet" -> "the advent of the Internet"
Explanation: "The advent of the Internet" is a more precise and formal term that accurately describes the emergence of the Internet, avoiding the colloquial and somewhat dramatic connotation of "outburst."
"strongly influenced on" -> "strongly influences"
Explanation: The verb "influences" should be in the singular form to agree with the singular subject "Internet," and the preposition "on" should be removed as it is incorrect in this context.
"the economics" -> "the economy"
Explanation: "The economy" is the correct term for referring to the economic system or conditions of a country or region, whereas "the economics" is not a standard term.
"the similar in lifestyles and thoughts all around the world" -> "similar lifestyles and thoughts globally"
Explanation: "Similar lifestyles and thoughts globally" is more concise and maintains the formal tone, avoiding the awkward and incorrect phrasing of "the similar in lifestyles and thoughts all around the world."
"To my way of thinking" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "To my way of thinking," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"I am in a disagreement" -> "I disagree"
Explanation: "I disagree" is a more direct and formal way to express opposition, avoiding the awkward and less formal "I am in a disagreement."
"Internet promotes individuality" -> "the Internet fosters individuality"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise verb than "promotes" in this context, suggesting a nurturing or development of individuality, which is more appropriate for the academic tone.
"social media has its law to stabilize order and unity on the network" -> "social media has rules to maintain order and unity on the network"
Explanation: "Rules" is a more accurate term than "law" in this context, as social media platforms do not have laws but rather guidelines or rules that govern user behavior.
"are where people can update" -> "are platforms where people can update"
Explanation: Adding "platforms" clarifies that the subject is referring to specific social media platforms, enhancing clarity and precision.
"make a strong impression with others social network participants" -> "make a strong impression on other social network participants"
Explanation: "On" is the correct preposition to use before "other social network participants," correcting the grammatical error.
"All in all" -> "In summary"
Explanation: "In summary" is a more formal and academic way to conclude a discussion than "All in all," which is somewhat informal.
"dictate by the Internet" -> "dictated by the Internet"
Explanation: "Dictated" should be in the past participle form to agree with the passive construction, making the sentence grammatically correct.
"Eventhough" -> "Although"
Explanation: "Although" is the correct spelling of the word, correcting a typographical error.
"note only conveys individuality but also gets society closer" -> "not only conveys individuality but also brings society closer"
Explanation: "Brings" is a more precise verb than "gets" in this context, and the phrase is grammatically correct with "not only… but also."
"the behaviour of individuals" -> "individual behavior"
Explanation: "Individual behavior" is the correct noun phrase, avoiding the awkward and less formal "the behaviour of individuals."

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of whether the internet leads to global uniformity in behavior and thought. It acknowledges differing viewpoints and presents a clear stance against the idea.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure each paragraph directly links to the essay prompt. More thorough exploration of how internet connectivity impacts global uniformity would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position against the notion that the internet homogenizes behavior and thinking. It effectively argues for individuality and diverse cultural interactions facilitated by the internet.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state the position at the beginning of the essay and reinforce it throughout each paragraph. This would provide a stronger backbone to the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about individual expression and global connectivity, supported by examples such as Cardi B and social media platforms. However, some points lack depth or connection to the thesis.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by elaborating more on how specific internet platforms or interactions contribute to global diversity. Use examples more directly tied to the argument to reinforce points effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the impact of the internet on global behavior and thought. However, there are moments where examples slightly deviate from the central argument.
- How to improve: Maintain a sharper focus on the prompt by ensuring each example directly supports the thesis statement. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly relate to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues against the idea that the internet creates global uniformity, there are areas for improvement to strengthen coherence and depth. By consistently linking examples and ideas back to the central thesis and addressing all parts of the prompt more comprehensively, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally coherent structure by introducing the topic in the introduction, presenting arguments in two main body paragraphs, and concluding with a summary. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing individuality in the first body paragraph to the global connections in the second paragraph could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph directly supports the thesis statement and maintains a clear focus on the main idea. Use transitional phrases or linking words (e.g., "however," "on the other hand") to better connect ideas between paragraphs and ensure a seamless progression of thought.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and develops its point coherently. However, there are a few instances where paragraphs could be more concise and focused, especially in the second body paragraph.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that each paragraph addresses a single main idea or argument related to the thesis. Review paragraph length to maintain a balance between depth of analysis and clarity. Consider splitting longer paragraphs into shorter ones where necessary to improve readability and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices adequately to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. Examples include transition words like "however," "on the other hand," and "for example." These help to guide the reader through the arguments and support the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in using a wider variety of cohesive devices and integrating them more naturally.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used, such as using cohesive devices for addition (e.g., "furthermore," "moreover") and cause-effect relationships (e.g., "as a result," "therefore"). Ensure that these devices are used consistently throughout the essay to reinforce logical connections between ideas and improve overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, improving the transitions between paragraphs and diversifying the use of cohesive devices will enhance the clarity and logical flow of the argument. These adjustments will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score level in future essays.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are attempts to use varied expressions and phrases, such as "outburst of the Internet," "globalization," "stabilize order and unity," and "information superhighway." However, the vocabulary lacks consistency in sophistication and occasionally resorts to basic or repetitive terms ("individuality," "Internet life"). There is evidence of some topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., "social media," "cyberspace"), but the use of idiomatic or advanced vocabulary is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical range, aim to incorporate more nuanced and precise vocabulary throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Internet," consider synonyms like "cyberspace," "digital sphere," or "virtual realm" where appropriate. Introduce idiomatic expressions or domain-specific jargon to enrich your language. Review the essay to identify areas where synonyms or more specific terms could elevate the quality of expression without overloading the reader.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage throughout the essay. For example, phrases like "outburst of the Internet" could be more precisely replaced with terms like "proliferation" or "ubiquity." Furthermore, some expressions lack specificity, such as "some platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Youtube" could benefit from specifying their functions or impacts more precisely.
- How to improve: Work on precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. Avoid vague or general terms where specific ones would clarify your point better. Review each sentence to ensure every word contributes to the precision of your argument or description. Consider using adjectives, adverbs, or descriptive phrases that add clarity and depth to your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally adequate, with minor errors scattered throughout the essay. Examples include "outburst" (should be "outbreak"), "law" (possibly intended as "lore" or another term), and "strengthen" (should be "strengthened"). These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate a need for closer attention to detail.
- How to improve: Improve spelling accuracy by proofreading your work thoroughly. Consider using spell-check tools and reading your essay aloud to catch errors that might be missed visually. Pay special attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure that technical terms or proper nouns are spelled correctly. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing for spelling errors will improve overall clarity and professionalism.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent level of vocabulary use with some attempts at variety and precision, refining these aspects will elevate your writing to a higher band score. Focus on consistently using more sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring precision in your choice of words, and improving spelling accuracy to enhance the overall effectiveness and clarity of your essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and compound sentences with occasional complex structures. For example, "In today’s world, the outburst of the Internet has strongly influenced on people’s life and the economics, contributed to globalization" combines simple and compound structures effectively. However, more sophisticated structures such as conditional sentences or passive constructions are underutilized.
- How to improve: To enhance variety, consider incorporating complex sentence structures like conditional sentences (e.g., "If more diverse viewpoints were encouraged, global homogenization could be mitigated."). Also, experimenting with passive voice where appropriate can add academic depth ("Globalization is facilitated by the Internet, fostering cultural exchange.").
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a fairly good grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "No matter how far and different they are, they can make friends" could be improved to "No matter how far apart and different they may be, individuals can form friendships."
- How to improve: Focus on subject-verb agreement ("information superhighway note only conveys individuality"), article usage ("the Internet life influence tremendously"), and sentence structure for better clarity. Review the use of commas and apostrophes to ensure correct punctuation and avoid run-on sentences ("Eventhough some people are frightened to become clones because of the internet, I believe that even the internet life influence tremendously the behaviour of individuals, it will never erase the real identity of people in society.").

In summary, while the essay effectively communicates its main points and demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation overall, there is room for improvement in enhancing sentence structure variety and ensuring consistent accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Integrating more complex sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will elevate the essay’s coherence and academic sophistication, potentially pushing the score towards an 8 band.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, the advent of the Internet has strongly influenced people’s lives and the economy, contributing to globalization. People have differing views on whether these factors lead to similar lifestyles and thoughts worldwide. In my opinion, I disagree with this viewpoint and believe that the Internet fosters individuality.

To begin with, the Internet allows individuals to express their own personalities. Social media, for instance, has rules to maintain order and unity on the network. Nevertheless, platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube are where people can update their daily lives, thoughts, and pictures. They can also gain fame by making a strong impression on other social network participants. For example, Cardi B, an American celebrity known for her humor and directness, has garnered immense popularity among the youth.

Overall, while people may tend to conform to communication norms dictated by the Internet, they still retain the ability to express their unique characters.

On the other hand, the World Wide Web connects people from all corners of the globe. Despite differences in distance and culture, individuals can form friendships and appreciate each other’s uniqueness through online interactions. Messenger, for instance, enables us to stay connected with friends and expand our global knowledge base, thereby strengthening social bonds.

In summary, the Internet not only conveys individuality but also brings society closer together. Although some may fear a homogenization of behavior due to online influence, I firmly believe that while internet life greatly impacts individual behavior, it will never erase people’s true identities in society.