The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the Internet and what solutions can you suggest?
The increasing information transformation through the Internet is becoming gradually more serious than it was in the past. This essay looks at some of the problems caused by this trend and suggests certain feasible measures to address the problems.
Exchanging information via the Internet engenders certain valid concerns in societies. One of the primary concerns revolves around criminal effects. More specifically, the creation of many toxic websites aimed at deceiving and illegally stealing users' information. In other words, this surge in cybercrime poses a substantial threat to individuals' online security. The second repercussion is the alarming rise in online shaming, as individuals freely engage in discussions without verifying the accuracy of information. This might be resulted in harmful comments and unfounded conjectures, leading to widespread slander, defamation, and, in extreme cases, mental health issues such as anxiety and suicide.
However, this menace of Internet-related problems can be effectively countered by actions from the government and society. The first measure involves educational initiatives. Governments should conduct comprehensive public awareness campaigns to raise individuals’ awareness about the potential impacts of cybercrimes, misinformation, and the risks associated with online activities. The second measure is the implementation of policies. Govenrments should strengthen existing laws to combat criminal activities on the Internet, with a particular emphasis on imposing stricter fines to deter potential offenders.
In conclusion, transformation throught Internet is a pressing issue for society to solve because it causes deleterious effects on cyber crimes and entails online shaming. Nonetheless, the most effective approaches to mitigate these problems are to educate individuals about its damaging effects and also for the authorities to tighten regulations on the activities on the Internet. By striking a balance between digital advancements and regulatory measures, society can foster a safer and more responsible cyberspace.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"becoming gradually more serious" -> "escalating significantly"
Explanation: "Becoming gradually more serious" is a bit informal. "Escalating significantly" maintains the emphasis on the increasing severity of the issue in a more formal and academically appropriate manner.
"This essay looks at" -> "This essay examines"
Explanation: "Looks at" is somewhat colloquial. "Examines" is a more formal and precise term commonly used in academic writing.
"engenders certain valid concerns" -> "raises pertinent concerns"
Explanation: While "engenders certain valid concerns" is acceptable, "raises pertinent concerns" is more concise and aligns better with formal language without losing the intended meaning.
"revolves around criminal effects" -> "centers on criminal ramifications"
Explanation: "Revolves around" is slightly informal. "Centers on" provides a more formal and precise expression in academic contexts.
"toxic websites aimed at deceiving" -> "malicious websites intended to deceive"
Explanation: "Toxic" might be a bit informal in this context. "Malicious" conveys a stronger sense of harmful intent, and "intended to deceive" clarifies the purpose more precisely.
"This might be resulted in" -> "This can result in"
Explanation: "Might be resulted in" lacks precision. "Can result in" is more direct and fitting in academic writing.
"actions from the government and society" -> "interventions by governmental and societal entities"
Explanation: "Actions from" can be made more specific and formal. "Interventions by governmental and societal entities" provides a clearer and more academic expression.
"conduct comprehensive public awareness campaigns" -> "undertake extensive public awareness initiatives"
Explanation: "Conduct" can be replaced with a more formal term like "undertake." "Initiatives" is a more formal synonym for "campaigns."
"strengthen existing laws" -> "enhance current legislation"
Explanation: "Strengthen existing laws" can be refined for a more formal tone. "Enhance current legislation" maintains the meaning while sounding more academic.
"tighten regulations on the activities on the Internet" -> "enforce stricter regulations on internet activities"
Explanation: "Tighten regulations on the activities on the Internet" can be more succinctly expressed. "Enforce stricter regulations on internet activities" maintains the formality while being clearer.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay comprehensively addresses the problems associated with the internet’s evolution and provides solutions. It delves into cybercrime and online shaming, meeting the criteria by discussing both problems.
- How to improve: To further enhance, consider expanding on the solutions proposed. Provide more depth by exploring potential challenges in implementing these solutions or offer additional measures to complement the ones suggested.
Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance on the problems of cybercrime and online shaming throughout. Each paragraph consistently reinforces the idea that these are significant issues caused by the internet.
- How to improve: To strengthen further, ensure that each solution suggested directly aligns with the previously stated problems. This could enhance the coherence of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented are relevant and well-extended. The essay discusses the problems in depth, providing examples and implications for both cybercrime and online shaming.
- How to improve: To elevate, consider incorporating statistics or case studies to augment the impact of the discussed problems. Additionally, further elaboration on how these problems affect different aspects of society could enrich the content.
Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic, addressing the problems associated with the internet, specifically focusing on cybercrime and online shaming.
- How to improve: To refine, ensure all points connect explicitly to the problems and solutions proposed. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to addressing the issues highlighted in the prompt.
The essay effectively identifies and discusses the significant problems associated with the internet, particularly cybercrime and online shaming. The solutions suggested are relevant and aligned with the problems outlined. To enhance the response, consider expanding on the proposed solutions and reinforcing the connection between the problems and solutions more explicitly. Additionally, supporting the arguments with real-world examples or data could bolster the essay’s persuasiveness. Overall, it’s a well-structured and coherent piece that demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. The introduction introduces the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed, providing a roadmap for the reader. The body paragraphs explore the problems associated with the internet, specifically cybercrime and online shaming, and the conclusion summarizes the main points and suggests solutions. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between the discussion of cybercrime and online shaming is somewhat abrupt, impacting the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contributes cohesively to the overall argument, creating a seamless progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs effective paragraphing, with mostly logical sequencing of ideas within each paragraph. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the problems associated with the internet and the suggested solutions. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured. However, there are instances where the development of ideas within a paragraph could be more nuanced. For example, the second paragraph discussing online shaming could benefit from a clearer progression of ideas.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Develop each idea thoroughly within the paragraph to provide a comprehensive exploration of the topic. Consider using transitional words to improve the coherence between sentences within paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to the overall coherence. There is a variety of linking words and phrases used to connect ideas, such as "however," "nonetheless," and "in conclusion." These devices contribute to the overall flow of the essay. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more precise. For example, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could benefit from a more explicit linking phrase.
- How to improve: Focus on using cohesive devices more explicitly to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas. Ensure that each transition serves a clear purpose in signaling shifts between different aspects of the argument. Experiment with a wider range of cohesive devices to add variety and sophistication to the essay’s structure.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 6. To enhance the score, pay attention to the seamless organization of ideas, refine paragraph development, and use cohesive devices with precision.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, with the use of words like "transformation," "engenders," "toxic websites," and "repercussion." However, there is a need for more flexibility and precision in the vocabulary. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "cybercrimes" and "online activities" could be diversified to enhance the overall range.
- How to improve: To elevate the score in this aspect, try incorporating a wider variety of synonyms and alternative expressions for key terms. This will not only showcase a broader vocabulary but also add nuance to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: While the essay maintains a generally clear meaning, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the term "menace of Internet-related problems" might benefit from a more specific and targeted description to enhance clarity. Additionally, terms like "deleterious effects" could be substituted with more straightforward language.
- How to improve: Aim for more precision in your word choices. Instead of using broad terms, opt for specific and nuanced expressions that directly convey your intended meaning. This will elevate the overall precision of your vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: Spelling errors are minimal and have a negligible impact on communication. However, attention to detail is crucial, and a couple of corrections are needed. For instance, "Govenrments" should be corrected to "Governments," and "throught" should be corrected to "throughout."
- How to improve: Continue to be diligent in proofreading to catch and rectify minor spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to enhance accuracy.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, but refining precision and ensuring absolute spelling accuracy will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, incorporating a mix of complex and straightforward constructions. The use of varied sentence lengths adds a dynamic quality to the writing. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences such as, "The second repercussion is the alarming rise in online shaming, as individuals freely engage in discussions without verifying the accuracy of information," showcasing an ability to handle diverse sentence structures.
How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range and complexity, consider experimenting with compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of introductory phrases. This will add an extra layer of sophistication to the essay. Additionally, explore the use of rhetorical devices like parallelism to inject more stylistic flair into your writing.
Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8
Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with mostly error-free sentences. While there are occasional minor errors, they do not significantly impede comprehension. For example, "This might be resulted in harmful comments" could be improved to "This might result in harmful comments." These instances, though infrequent, suggest a slight lapse in verb tense agreement.
How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to verb tense agreement, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Review sentences carefully to catch subtle errors like the one mentioned above. Additionally, consider using a variety of complex grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences and inverted sentences, to further showcase your grammatical proficiency.
Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7
Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs well-controlled punctuation. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used appropriately to convey meaning and structure the text effectively. However, there are instances where greater precision with punctuation could enhance clarity. For instance, "The second measure is the implementation of policies. Govenrments should strengthen existing laws" would benefit from a semicolon or conjunction for a smoother transition between sentences.
How to improve: Focus on refining punctuation use in more complex structures, particularly when dealing with transitions between ideas. Experiment with semicolons, colons, and dashes to add nuance to your punctuation toolkit. Proofread the essay with a specific focus on punctuation to catch any subtle errors and ensure seamless flow between sentences.
Bài sửa mẫu
The growing shift in how information is shared online has become increasingly serious over time. This essay explores the problems stemming from this trend and suggests feasible solutions.
The exchange of information over the Internet raises valid concerns in societies. One primary concern is the rise of criminal activities, notably the proliferation of deceitful websites aimed at illegally obtaining users’ information. This surge in cybercrime poses a significant threat to individuals’ online security. Another repercussion is the alarming increase in online shaming, where individuals freely engage in discussions without verifying the accuracy of information. This can lead to harmful comments, baseless assumptions, widespread slander, defamation, and, in severe cases, mental health issues like anxiety and even suicide.
Nevertheless, these Internet-related problems can be effectively addressed through actions taken by both the government and society. First, educational initiatives are crucial. Governments should conduct extensive public awareness campaigns to educate individuals about the potential impacts of cybercrimes, misinformation, and the risks associated with online activities. Secondly, implementing stronger policies is essential. Governments should reinforce existing laws to combat criminal activities online, focusing particularly on imposing stricter penalties to discourage potential offenders.
In conclusion, the evolution of the Internet presents pressing challenges due to the detrimental effects of cybercrimes and online shaming. However, the most effective strategies to mitigate these problems involve educating individuals about the damaging effects of these issues and bolstering regulations governing Internet activities. By finding a balance between technological progress and regulatory measures, society can cultivate a safer and more responsible online environment.