The Internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years. Without it, our lives would be completely different.

Some people argue that the Internet is the most significant creation for the last three decades and all the human’s existences would be thoroughly different without it. I partly agree with this perspective because the Internet has its both advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand, one of the main reasons why I partly agree with this view is that the Internet contributes to modern life. For education, the Internet helps us broaden our horizons by providing an excessive amount of knowledge. People can learn new languages or skills in many social networking sites such as: Youtube, Google. In addition, the Internet sometimes is the only way to keep in touch with friends. The families and friends may be scattered around the world and people may decline in communication with their relatives without the existence of social media. For instance, a foreign student, who lives far from their hometown can maintain contact and exchange pleasantries with their family by making video calls, sending messages or writing an email.

On the other hand, the Internet invention causes some dangers of social media. Users of the Internet may be caught up with computer hackers who try to discover their personal details. Many people have been victims of computer hackers and online scams because they have a clever and dishonest plan in order to make money. Moreover, the Internet discourages real interaction. Humans who depend on the Internet may decrease face to face communication with other people because they can sit in front of a television the whole day. For example, nowadays, youngsters tend to time-consuming in playing computer games instead of participating in several outdoor activities. This also carries health risks for them such as: obesity, diabetes, heart diseases.

In conclusion, for many people, the Internet is an indispensable part of their lives and it improves more and more. And for others, there are some drawbacks that affect their existences.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the most significant creation for the last three decades" -> "the most significant innovation of the past three decades"
Explanation: "Creation" is too vague and informal for this context. "Innovation" is more precise and academically appropriate, emphasizing the technological advancements.
"all the human’s existences would be thoroughly different" -> "all human existence would be significantly altered"
Explanation: "Existences" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Existence" is the correct noun form, and "significantly altered" is more precise and formal than "thoroughly different."
"the Internet has its both advantages and disadvantages" -> "the Internet has both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: Removing "its" corrects the grammatical error, as "both" is used to describe two items, not a possessive form.
"broaden our horizons" -> "expand our knowledge"
Explanation: "Broaden our horizons" is an idiom that may sound too informal for academic writing. "Expand our knowledge" is more direct and formal.
"an excessive amount of knowledge" -> "an extensive range of knowledge"
Explanation: "Excessive" implies too much, which may carry a negative connotation. "Extensive" is neutral and more suitable for describing the breadth of knowledge.
"People can learn new languages or skills in many social networking sites such as: Youtube, Google." -> "Individuals can acquire new languages or skills through various social networking platforms such as YouTube and Google."
Explanation: "People" is too general; "individuals" is more specific. "Acquire" is more formal than "learn," and "various social networking platforms" is more precise than "many social networking sites."
"the Internet sometimes is the only way" -> "the Internet often serves as the primary means"
Explanation: "Sometimes" is vague and informal; "often" is more precise. "Serves as the primary means" is more formal and specific than "is the only way."
"decline in communication" -> "reduced communication"
Explanation: "Decline" is not the correct term here; "reduced" is more appropriate to describe a decrease in communication.
"making video calls, sending messages or writing an email" -> "conducting video calls, sending messages, or composing emails"
Explanation: "Conducting" is more formal than "making," and "composing" is more precise than "writing" for emails.
"dangers of social media" -> "risks associated with social media"
Explanation: "Dangers" is somewhat informal and imprecise; "risks associated with" is more specific and formal.
"caught up with computer hackers" -> "targeted by computer hackers"
Explanation: "Caught up with" is informal and vague; "targeted by" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.
"they have a clever and dishonest plan" -> "they employ a sophisticated and deceitful strategy"
Explanation: "Clever" and "dishonest" are somewhat informal and vague; "sophisticated" and "deceitful" are more precise and formal.
"time-consuming in playing computer games" -> "engaged in playing computer games"
Explanation: "Time-consuming in" is awkward and informal; "engaged in" is more direct and formal.
"carries health risks for them such as: obesity, diabetes, heart diseases" -> "poses health risks, including obesity, diabetes, and heart disease"
Explanation: "Carries" is less formal and slightly vague; "poses" is more direct and formal. Also, "heart diseases" should be singular to match the singular form of "disease" in the list.
"improves more and more" -> "continues to improve"
Explanation: "Improves more and more" is redundant and informal; "continues to improve" is concise and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the Internet as a significant invention and discussing both its advantages and disadvantages. However, the phrase "I partly agree" suggests a lack of a definitive stance, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s overall position. The first paragraph introduces the topic well, but the conclusion does not clearly summarize the main points or reinforce the significance of the Internet as requested by the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should clearly state whether they believe the Internet is the most significant invention or not. If they choose to maintain a partial agreement, it would be beneficial to specify what aspects they find significant and which they view as drawbacks. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly reflect on the main arguments presented in the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay does present a position, it is somewhat ambiguous due to the phrase "I partly agree." The writer mentions both the positive and negative aspects of the Internet but does not consistently emphasize their stance throughout the essay. For example, the advantages are presented first, but the transition to discussing disadvantages could be clearer in terms of how they relate to the initial claim.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using transitional phrases that link the advantages and disadvantages back to the central argument can help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of the Internet. For instance, the discussion on education and communication highlights the positive impacts, while the mention of social media dangers and health risks illustrates the negatives. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For example, the mention of "computer hackers" lacks depth in explanation or examples, which could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples or statistics to back up their claims. Expanding on each point with further explanation or real-world implications can enhance the overall argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence will help guide the reader through the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the Internet’s significance and its impact on life. However, the phrase "the Internet invention causes some dangers of social media" could be misleading, as it implies that the Internet itself is solely responsible for these dangers rather than social media as a subset of the Internet. This could lead to a slight deviation from the main topic of the Internet’s significance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the significance of the Internet. Clarifying that social media is a part of the Internet and discussing its implications in that context would help keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point ties back to the central argument will help maintain topic adherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by presenting the main argument and acknowledging both sides of the issue. The first body paragraph discusses the positive aspects of the Internet, while the second addresses its drawbacks. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the shift from advantages to disadvantages feels somewhat abrupt. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used, but a more explicit transition could enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that provide a clearer connection between ideas. For example, after discussing the advantages, you might include a sentence that summarizes the benefits before introducing the disadvantages, such as, "Despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks to consider."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of the Internet, while the second addresses the associated risks. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first body paragraph contains a list of examples that could be better integrated into the argument, and the second paragraph could benefit from more elaboration on the negative impacts.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points. For instance, in the second paragraph, you could elaborate on how online scams specifically affect individuals and society as a whole.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "in addition," and "on the one hand." These devices help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this also carries health risks for them" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between excessive gaming and health issues.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "furthermore," "consequently," or "in contrast" to enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are opportunities for improvement in the areas of logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "significant," "excessive," "maintain contact," and "indispensable." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "the Internet" is used frequently without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, phrases such as "the Internet invention" are awkward and could have been expressed more fluently.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "the Internet," alternatives like "the web," "online platforms," or "digital connectivity" could be used. Furthermore, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could add depth to the arguments presented.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the dangers of social media" could be more accurately described as "the risks associated with online interactions," which would clarify the intended meaning. Additionally, the term "time-consuming" is misused in the context of "youngsters tend to time-consuming in playing computer games," where a phrase like "spend excessive time" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and clarity. Reviewing vocabulary choices and ensuring they fit the intended meaning is crucial. Engaging in exercises that emphasize collocations and context-specific usage can help refine this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, there are some inaccuracies, such as "human’s existences," which should be "human existence" to reflect the plural form correctly. The phrase "the Internet invention" is also awkward and could be rephrased to avoid confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and grammatical structures. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reading extensively can improve familiarity with correct spelling in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy could elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging in targeted practice and revision will aid in achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "the Internet helps us broaden our horizons by providing an excessive amount of knowledge," which effectively conveys a detailed idea. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way sentences are initiated, often starting with "the Internet" or "people." This limits the overall variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different grammatical forms. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "the Internet," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "In many cases," or "Due to its vast resources," to introduce ideas. Additionally, varying the use of passive and active voice can enhance the dynamism of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a solid command of grammar, with most sentences being clear and comprehensible. However, there are notable errors that affect clarity and accuracy. For example, the phrase "the Internet is the most significant creation for the last three decades" should use "in" instead of "for." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the misuse of colons in "such as: Youtube, Google," where a comma would suffice. The phrase "the families and friends may be scattered around the world" could be more accurately expressed as "families and friends may be scattered around the world."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly preposition usage and punctuation. It would be beneficial to review rules regarding the use of colons and commas to ensure they are applied correctly. Furthermore, practicing sentence restructuring can help in identifying and correcting awkward phrases or grammatical inaccuracies. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls, such as prepositions and conjunctions, could also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that the Internet is the most significant creation of the last three decades and that all human existence would be thoroughly different without it. I partly agree with this perspective because the Internet has both advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand, one of the main reasons why I partly agree with this view is that the Internet contributes significantly to modern life. For education, the Internet helps us broaden our horizons by providing an extensive range of knowledge. People can learn new languages or skills through various social networking platforms such as YouTube and Google. In addition, the Internet is sometimes the only way to keep in touch with friends. Families and friends may be scattered around the world, and people may experience reduced communication with their relatives without the existence of social media. For instance, a foreign student who lives far from their hometown can maintain contact and exchange pleasantries with their family by conducting video calls, sending messages, or composing emails.

On the other hand, the invention of the Internet poses some dangers related to social media. Users of the Internet may be targeted by computer hackers who try to discover their personal details. Many people have been victims of computer hackers and online scams because they employ a sophisticated and deceitful strategy to make money. Moreover, the Internet discourages real interaction. Individuals who depend on the Internet may decrease face-to-face communication with others because they can sit in front of a television the whole day. For example, nowadays, youngsters tend to spend excessive time engaged in playing computer games instead of participating in various outdoor activities. This also carries health risks for them, including obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.

In conclusion, for many people, the Internet is an indispensable part of their lives and continues to improve. However, for others, there are some drawbacks that affect their existence.