The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart below shows the results of a survey giving the reasons why people moved to the capital city of a particular country.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart provides statistics for the reasons why people relocated to the capital metropolitan area in a typical country over a 15-year period from 2000.
In general, from 2000 to 2010, an upward trend was depicted in all lines, except for the job reasons in the last five years. Furthermore, after 15 years, the figure for the study reason hit the apogee and met that of the employment reasons.
Regarding the data on employment and study reasons. In the first five years, the number for both reasons witnessed an incredible upsurge ( 60000 to 85000 and 27000 to approximately 48000 respectively). There was a roughly similar trend depicted in the next 5 years, both data were slackened ( 85000 to 92000 and 48000 to 53000 separately). Notwithstanding, the volume of people moving for career promotion commenced at the highest point, in 2015, when it dipped to 88000 and met that of the study reasons.
In terms of the statistics of the relatives/friends and traveling reasons, in the first five years, both data maintained a steady rise ( 15000 to 15500 and 14000 to 14500 distinctively). Thereafter, the family/friends reasons bucked the trend, experiencing a significant leap to 23000 in 2015. That of the adventure reasons continued to increase stably to 15000.

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Errors and Improvements:

"met that of the employment reasons" -> "equaled that of the employment reasons"
Explanation: "Met" is a suitable word, but "equaled" offers a more precise and formal alternative in this context, emphasizing the comparison between the study and employment reasons.
"witnessed an incredible upsurge" -> "experienced a remarkable surge"
Explanation: While "incredible upsurge" is understandable, "experienced a remarkable surge" conveys the idea of a significant increase with a touch of sophistication.
"both data were slackened" -> "both figures diminished"
Explanation: "Slackened" is less precise here. "Diminished" is a more appropriate term to indicate a decrease in the figures.
"commenced at the highest point" -> "peaked"
Explanation: "Commenced at the highest point" is slightly awkward. "Peaked" succinctly conveys the idea of reaching the highest level.
"maintained a steady rise" -> "continued to steadily increase"
Explanation: While "maintained a steady rise" is clear, "continued to steadily increase" provides a more fluid and formal expression.
"bucked the trend" -> "deviated from the trend"
Explanation: "Bucked the trend" is an idiomatic expression, but "deviated from the trend" is more straightforward and formal, fitting better in a technical context.
"experiencing a significant leap" -> "undergoing a substantial leap"
Explanation: "Experiencing" is fine, but "undergoing" adds a touch of formality. "Substantial leap" emphasizes the magnitude of the increase more effectively than "significant leap."
"continued to increase stably" -> "continued to increase steadily"
Explanation: "Stably" is less common than "steadily" in this context. "Continued to increase steadily" maintains clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the task requirements by summarizing the main features of the line chart depicting reasons for people moving to a capital city over a 15-year period. It provides a general overview of the trends and makes some comparisons between different reasons for moving.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide more specific details and data from the chart to support the summary. Additionally, the organization and clarity of the essay could be enhanced by structuring the information more logically and by ensuring that each point is clearly connected to the overall summary.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently and maintains a clear overall progression throughout the response. The introduction succinctly outlines the purpose of the line chart and the time frame it covers. The body paragraphs effectively summarize the trends observed in the data over the specified period, highlighting the changes in relocation patterns based on different reasons. However, there are instances where the coherence within and between sentences could be improved for smoother transitions and clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, while the essay adequately uses cohesive devices, there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as awkward phrasing or repetitive structures. Paragraphing is used, but it could be more logically structured to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the flow between sentences and paragraphs by using transitional phrases and varying sentence structures. Ensure that cohesive devices are used accurately and effectively to maintain coherence within and between sentences. Additionally, revise the paragraph structure to ensure a clearer organization of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a central topic and logically transitioning to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, utilizing terms related to statistics, trends, and reasons for relocation. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "upsurge," "slackened," and "bucked the trend," although there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, "met that of the employment reasons" could be more accurately expressed. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "apogee" instead of "peak" and "distinctively" instead of "distinctly." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater accuracy and precision in word choice and collocation. Instead of relying on less common vocabulary, focus on using precise and appropriate terms. Additionally, pay close attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors and improve overall clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with attempts at varied sentence structures. There is evidence of some complex sentence structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and compound sentences ("In general, from 2000 to 2010, an upward trend was depicted in all lines, except for the job reasons in the last five years."). However, there are also instances of simpler sentence structures ("Thereafter, the family/friends reasons bucked the trend, experiencing a significant leap to 23000 in 2015."), contributing to a varied but not consistently advanced grammatical range.

While the essay communicates the main features of the data and makes comparisons, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout, which occasionally hinder clarity. For example, "There was a roughly similar trend depicted in the next 5 years, both data were slackened" could be improved for clarity and precision.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, pay close attention to grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Reviewing sentence clarity and coherence can also help refine the overall presentation of ideas. Practicing with diverse sentence structures and seeking feedback on grammar and clarity can aid in enhancing the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line chart illustrates the reasons for individuals relocating to the capital metropolitan area of a typical country over a span of 15 years, starting from 2000.

Overall, there was an upward trajectory observed in most categories from 2000 to 2010, with the exception of job-related reasons in the latter five years. Furthermore, after the 15-year period, the number of people relocating for study purposes peaked and equaled that of employment-related reasons.

Examining the data on employment and study motives, both experienced a significant increase in the initial five years (from 60,000 to 85,000 and from 27,000 to approximately 48,000, respectively). A similar trend persisted in the subsequent five years, albeit with a slight decline (from 85,000 to 92,000 and from 48,000 to 53,000, respectively). However, the volume of individuals moving for career advancement reached its zenith in 2015, dropping to 88,000 and aligning with the number of individuals relocating for study purposes.

In terms of the statistics related to family/friends and travel motives, both categories witnessed a consistent rise in the initial five years (from 15,000 to 15,500 and from 14,000 to 14,500, respectively). Subsequently, the family/friends category deviated from this trend, experiencing a notable surge to 23,000 in 2015. Conversely, the number of individuals moving for adventure reasons continued to steadily increase, reaching 15,000.