the line graph below illustrate population trends globally by percentage from 1950 with a forecast to 2040. summerize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparision where revelant

The line charts indicate the distribution of population by age and by where they live changes between 1950 and 2040. Overall, there was a significant movement of individuals from rural to urban areas. Noticeably, the percentage of people over 65 years old climbed and is estimated to grow throughout the period while a reverse pattern can be observed in the group of people under 15. Simultaneously, there was an upward trend in the group of people aged from 15 to 65 before a resurgence and the anticipation is that it will fall slightly till the end of the time described.

As the first graph shows, people living in urban started at 40% in 1950. A double increase followed in 2010. After that, there is an expectation that the figure will peak at 90% in 2040. In contrast, rural population stood at 60% in 1950 and underwent a threefold decrease in 2010. Then, it is predicted to drop to the lowest rate in 2030 and level off at 10% during the following ten years.

In terms of age structure, people aged 15 or younger accounted for the highest figure (45%) in 1950 and are forecasted to reach a low of 25% in 2040. Conversely, although the proportion of elderly people aged 65 or over was the smallest in 1950, it rose gradually and the year 2024 is projected to experience a soar to 45%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line charts indicate" -> "The line charts illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a more precise term in academic writing, as it specifically connotes the presentation of data in a visual format, which is more accurate for describing line charts.
"by where they live changes" -> "by their place of residence changes"
Explanation: "By where they live" is informal and vague. "By their place of residence" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"Noticeably" -> "Notably"
Explanation: "Notably" is a more formal adverb commonly used in academic texts to indicate a significant observation.
"climbed" -> "increased"
Explanation: "Climbed" is an informal and somewhat vague term; "increased" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"is estimated to grow" -> "is projected to increase"
Explanation: "Projected" is a more formal term than "estimated," and "increase" is more specific than "grow" in the context of population trends.
"a reverse pattern" -> "a contrasting pattern"
Explanation: "Contrasting" is a more precise term that better describes the opposite trend in population groups.
"Simultaneously" -> "Concurrently"
Explanation: "Concurrently" is more formal and academically appropriate than "simultaneously" in this context.
"upward trend" -> "increasing trend"
Explanation: "Increasing trend" is a more precise term that directly describes the direction of change in population groups.
"before a resurgence" -> "prior to a resurgence"
Explanation: "Prior to" is a more formal temporal marker suitable for academic writing.
"the anticipation is that it will fall slightly" -> "it is anticipated to decline slightly"
Explanation: "It is anticipated to decline" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "the anticipation is that it will fall."
"started at 40%" -> "began at 40%"
Explanation: "Began" is more specific and academically appropriate than "started" in describing the initiation of a trend.
"A double increase" -> "a significant increase"
Explanation: "A significant increase" is more precise and avoids the colloquialism of "double increase."
"people living in urban" -> "urban residents"
Explanation: "Urban residents" is a more formal and precise term than "people living in urban."
"underwent a threefold decrease" -> "experienced a threefold decrease"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal and appropriate for describing the impact of change in population figures.
"Then, it is predicted to drop" -> "It is forecasted to decrease"
Explanation: "Forecasted" is more specific and formal than "predicted," and "decrease" is a more precise term than "drop" in this context.
"the lowest rate" -> "the lowest proportion"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific and appropriate for describing the relative size of a population group.
"soar to 45%" -> "rise to 45%"
Explanation: "Rise" is a more formal and less dramatic term than "soar," which is typically used in more casual language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. The essay presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the percentage of people over 65 years old climbed and is estimated to grow throughout the period. However, the graph shows that the percentage of people over 65 years old is expected to level off after 2030.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying "a significant movement of individuals from rural to urban areas," the essay could say "a significant increase in the percentage of people living in urban areas."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. It effectively arranges ideas related to population trends, but there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, leading to occasional awkwardness in flow. For example, phrases like "in contrast" and "simultaneously" are used, but their application could be more varied and nuanced. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, the organization within paragraphs could be improved for better clarity and logical flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could:

Vary the range of cohesive devices used to connect ideas more naturally.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that supporting details are logically ordered within each paragraph.
Improve referencing by using synonyms or pronouns to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "a double increase" and "soar to 45%," which may not convey the intended meaning clearly. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, like "urban started" instead of "urban population started." These issues do not completely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This includes selecting more appropriate terms and phrases that fit the context better. Additionally, practicing the correct formation of words and ensuring clarity in expression will help reduce errors. Incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While it successfully communicates the main features of the graphs, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "a double increase followed" and "underwent a threefold decrease" could be clearer. Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as missing commas that affect the flow of the text. Overall, while the errors do not significantly impede communication, they are frequent enough to warrant a score of 6.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate more complex sentence structures and ensure they are used accurately.
Error Reduction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical and punctuation errors.
Clarity and Precision: Use clearer phrases and avoid awkward constructions to improve overall readability.
Practice with Complex Sentences: Engage in exercises that focus on using subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings to enhance fluency and flexibility in writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line charts illustrate the distribution of the global population by age and residence from 1950 to 2040. Overall, there has been a significant movement of individuals from rural to urban areas. Notably, the percentage of people aged over 65 has increased and is projected to continue growing throughout the period, while a contrasting trend can be observed in the group of individuals under 15. Simultaneously, there has been an upward trend in the population aged between 15 and 65, which is expected to decline slightly towards the end of the period described.

As the first graph shows, the percentage of people living in urban areas started at 40% in 1950. This figure doubled by 2010, and it is anticipated that it will peak at 90% by 2040. In contrast, the rural population stood at 60% in 1950 and experienced a threefold decrease by 2010. It is predicted to drop to its lowest rate in 2030 and level off at 10% over the following decade.

In terms of age structure, individuals aged 15 or younger accounted for the highest percentage (45%) in 1950 and are forecasted to decline to 25% by 2040. Conversely, although the proportion of elderly individuals aged 65 or over was the smallest in 1950, it has gradually increased, with projections indicating a rise to 45% by 2024.