The line graph below shows the average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal from 1967 to 2007.

The provided line graph below illustrates the amount of carbon dioxide is emitted by each person in 4 typical European nations such as: the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal from 1967 to 2007.
According to the graph from an overall perspective, it is clear that the average carbon dioxide emissions in the United Kingdom and Sweden tend to plunge over the period shown. Whereas the figure for Italy and Portugal depicted increases substantially.
As it is represented through this graph, the data of carbon dioxide in the United Kingdom for an individual was 11 tones in 1967 and it experienced a gradual decrease at 9 tones 40 years later. While the figure for Italy witnessed a significant upward trend by 4 tones (from 4 tones to 8 tones) before remaining stable at the end of the period.
Turning to Sweden, the fraction started with 8 tones and then climbed at 10 tones in 1977. Over the following 30 years, the proportion was approximately 6 tones after deteriorating dramatically. With Portugal, it can be seen that its fraction showed a rapid growth to about 6 tones.

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Errors and Improvements:

"amount of carbon dioxide is emitted" -> "carbon dioxide emissions"
Explanation: "Carbon dioxide emissions" is a more precise and commonly used term to describe the release of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.
"plunge" -> "decline"
Explanation: "Plunge" suggests a sudden and steep drop, while "decline" is a more neutral term that fits the gradual decrease described in the sentence.
"depicted increases substantially" -> "showed substantial increases"
Explanation: "Depicted increases substantially" is a bit awkward. "Showed substantial increases" is clearer and more direct.
"an individual was 11 tones" -> "per capita emissions were 11 tons"
Explanation: "Per capita emissions" is a standard term for emissions per person, and "tons" is the correct unit for measuring emissions.
"witnessed a significant upward trend by 4 tones" -> "saw a significant increase of 4 tons"
Explanation: "Upward trend" is redundant with "increase." Using "increase" and "tons" for consistency improves clarity.
"fraction" -> "amount" or "level"
Explanation: "Fraction" typically refers to a part of a whole, while "amount" or "level" better convey the quantity of carbon dioxide emissions.
"climbed at 10 tones" -> "rose to 10 tons"
Explanation: "Climbed at" is not the most appropriate phrase here. "Rose to" is more precise in describing an increase in emissions.
"deteriorating dramatically" -> "decreasing significantly"
Explanation: "Deteriorating" implies a negative change overall, while "decreasing significantly" focuses on the reduction in emissions without implying a negative connotation.
"its fraction showed a rapid growth to about 6 tones" -> "its emissions rapidly increased to approximately 6 tons"
Explanation: "Fraction" is not the ideal term here. "Emissions" is more specific, and "rapid growth" is better expressed as "rapidly increased" for clarity.

These changes help to make the essay more accurate and formal while using terminology commonly found in discussions of environmental data.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by describing the trends in carbon dioxide emissions for the given countries over the specified time period. It presents an overview of the data and highlights key features such as trends in each country’s emissions. However, there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the description, such as stating that emissions in the UK and Sweden "plunge" without providing specific data points, and inaccurately describing stability in Italy’s emissions. Additionally, the essay lacks full development in discussing the details of the trends, as it could provide more specific data points and extend the analysis further.
How to improve:
To improve, provide more specific data points to support the analysis, avoid generalizations like "plunge" and "substantially," and ensure accuracy in describing the trends, including whether emissions are stable or fluctuating. Additionally, extend the analysis by discussing possible reasons for the observed trends and their implications. Ensure coherence and logical progression in the presentation of information.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, though improvements could be made to enhance clarity and flow. There is an attempt to organize information logically, with a clear introduction and separate paragraphs discussing each country’s emissions. However, there are some issues with cohesion within and between sentences, such as awkward transitions and repetition of phrases. Additionally, while there is an overall progression in the essay, the paragraphing could be more logical and consistent.

How to improve:

Work on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
Avoid repetition of phrases and strive for more varied language use.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical order of ideas.
Pay attention to the accuracy of data representation and analysis to further strengthen the essay’s coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the essential terms related to the topic of carbon dioxide emissions and the description of the line graph. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "plunge," "upward trend," and "deteriorating," although some inaccuracies are present. The essay also makes some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "tones" instead of "tons" and "fraction" instead of "emission levels," but these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for more varied and precise vocabulary. Use a wider range of synonyms and explore different ways to express ideas. Pay close attention to spelling and word formation to ensure accuracy. Additionally, aim for greater coherence and cohesion in presenting ideas to elevate the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures and demonstrates an effort to include complex sentences alongside simple ones. However, there are notable inaccuracies and awkward phrasing throughout the essay, which hinder clarity and coherence. While some sentences are error-free, others contain grammatical errors and awkward constructions, such as "it experienced a gradual decrease at 9 tones 40 years later" and "the fraction started with 8 tones and then climbed at 10 tones in 1977." Punctuation is also inconsistent, affecting the overall readability.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and precision. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and the use of articles. Additionally, strive for more accurate and concise expressions of ideas, avoiding convoluted phrasing. Review punctuation rules to ensure consistency and improve readability. Practicing proofreading and editing techniques can help identify and correct errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provided clearly illustrates the average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in four European countries: the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy, and Portugal, spanning from 1967 to 2007.

From a general perspective, the graph indicates that the average CO2 emissions in the United Kingdom and Sweden have generally decreased over the observed period. In contrast, the emissions in Italy and Portugal have shown noticeable increases.

Specifically, in the United Kingdom, the per capita CO2 emissions started at 11 tonnes in 1967 and saw a steady decline to 9 tonnes by 2007. In Italy, emissions per person began at 4 tonnes and rose to a peak of 8 tonnes, where they stabilized towards the end of the period.

In Sweden, the emissions per individual commenced at 8 tonnes, briefly rose to 10 tonnes in 1977, and subsequently declined to around 6 tonnes over the next three decades, reflecting a significant decrease. Meanwhile, Portugal experienced a sharp increase in per capita emissions, rising to approximately 6 tonnes.

This summary captures the trends and significant changes in CO2 emissions per person among the selected European nations over the forty-year period.