The line graph below shows the average cost of monthly contract for four different mobile (cell phones) in a European country from January to September 2002, measured in euro

The chart illustrates the average monthly contract spending for various kinds of mobile ( Domo , Lex , Sim TX and Alpha ) in a European country between January and September 2002 .

Overall , the average expenditure of monthly contracts for Doma , Lex and Alpha witnessed upward trends , with Alpha experiencing the most drastic change . By contrast , an opposite pattern can be seen in the figure for Sim TX . In addition , the spent on average for Doma took the lead but it was outnumbered by Alpha in September .

The average cost of Doma started at 15 euro in January , after which it significantly increased to 25 euro in July , before falling to around 24 euro in September . In contrast , the figure for Alpha grew dramatically from 5 euro in January to 25 euro in September.

Despite some initial fluctuations in the average money spent on Lex , from around 12 euro in January to about 14 euro in June , Lex sharply climbed from around 12 euro in June to just under 20 euro in September . A similar trend can be experienced in the figure for Alpha , but to a greater extent , rising from 5 euro in January to 25 euro in September .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The chart illustrates" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Graph" is a more precise term in academic contexts when referring to visual representations of data, aligning better with formal language standards.
"average monthly contract spending" -> "average monthly contract expenditures"
Explanation: "Expenditures" is a more formal and precise term than "spending" in an academic context, enhancing the formality and specificity of the language.
"Domo, Lex, Sim TX and Alpha" -> "Domo, Lex, Sim TX, and Alpha"
Explanation: Adding the Oxford comma after "TX" clarifies the list and adheres to standard grammatical conventions in formal writing.
"witnessed upward trends" -> "experienced upward trends"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more commonly used in academic writing to describe changes in data over time, providing a more natural and precise expression.
"an opposite pattern can be seen" -> "an opposing pattern is evident"
Explanation: "Is evident" is more formal and precise than "can be seen," fitting better in an academic context.
"the spent on average" -> "the average expenditure"
Explanation: "The average expenditure" is a more direct and formal way to express the mean value of the data, avoiding the awkward construction "the spent on average."
"took the lead but it was outnumbered" -> "led but was surpassed"
Explanation: "Led but was surpassed" is a more precise and formal way to describe the relationship between the data points, avoiding the colloquial "outnumbered."
"15 euro" -> "15 euros"
Explanation: "Euros" should be used as the plural form when referring to the currency in this context, following standard grammatical rules.
"grew dramatically" -> "increased significantly"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "grew dramatically," which can sound overly emotional and less precise.
"average money spent" -> "average expenditure"
Explanation: "Average expenditure" is a more formal and precise term than "average money spent," aligning better with academic style.
"A similar trend can be experienced" -> "A similar trend is observed"
Explanation: "Is observed" is more formal and precise than "can be experienced," fitting the academic tone better.
"but to a greater extent" -> "to a greater degree"
Explanation: "To a greater degree" is a more formal expression than "to a greater extent," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but the information is not always appropriately selected. For example, the essay states that "the spent on average for Doma took the lead but it was outnumbered by Alpha in September," which is not a key feature of the data. The essay also presents some details that are irrelevant, such as the initial fluctuations in the average money spent on Lex.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the data and providing more relevant details. For example, the essay could highlight the fact that Alpha experienced the most drastic change in average cost, or that Sim TX was the only mobile phone with a decreasing average cost. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying that the average cost of Doma "significantly increased," the essay could say that it "increased steadily."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization of information by discussing the monthly contract costs of four mobile phone types over a specified period. It attempts to group information about each mobile type separately and provides a general overview in the introduction. However, there are several coherence and cohesion issues that prevent it from scoring higher:

Organisation: The essay shows some attempt to group information by mobile type but lacks overall progression. It does not consistently lead the reader through a logical sequence of information.
Cohesive Devices: There is inconsistent use of cohesive devices. While some linking words are used (e.g., "Overall", "By contrast"), they are not used effectively to connect ideas or sentences logically.
Paragraphing: The essay lacks clear and consistent paragraphing, making it difficult to follow the flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.

How to Improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion to reach a higher band score:

Structure: Ensure a clearer structure with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider variety of cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas and sentences. This includes using conjunctions, transitions, and referencing pronouns appropriately.
Paragraphing: Divide the essay into more coherent paragraphs, each with a clear main idea. Ensure paragraphs are logically sequenced to enhance readability and coherence.

Improving these aspects will help the essay achieve better coherence and cohesion, making it clearer and more logical for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. While it effectively communicates the basic trends in the data, it lacks variety and sophistication in vocabulary usage. The essay relies on basic vocabulary and repetitive expressions ("average", "monthly contract", "European country"), which limits its lexical resource score. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling ("Doma" instead of "Domo", "Sim TX" instead of "SimTX"), which could cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

Expand vocabulary: Use a wider variety of vocabulary beyond basic terms. For instance, instead of "average cost", consider synonyms like "expenditure" or "monthly spending".
Accuracy in terminology: Ensure correct spelling and consistent use of terms (e.g., "Domo" instead of "Doma", "SimTX" instead of "Sim TX").
Collocation and style: Work on using appropriate collocations and stylistically suitable expressions to convey precise meanings and enhance fluency.

Improving these aspects would elevate the lexical sophistication and accuracy of the essay, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. There are some instances where complex sentences are used, but their accuracy is inconsistent, leading to several grammatical errors that hinder overall clarity. For instance, phrases like "the average expenditure of monthly contracts for Doma took the lead but it was outnumbered by Alpha in September" exhibit attempts at complexity but lack accuracy. There are also frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score:

Work on sentence structure: Aim for a more consistent use of complex sentence structures with accurate grammar.
Proofread for errors: Pay close attention to grammar and punctuation errors that detract from clarity.
Practice complex sentences: Practice writing and using complex sentences accurately to convey ideas clearly and effectively.

Improving in these areas will help enhance the essay’s coherence and make the overall message clearer to the reader, thereby improving the score for grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report while adhering closely to the original structure and data provided:

The line graph illustrates the average monthly contract expenditures for four different mobile phone plans (Domo, Lex, Sim TX, and Alpha) in a European country from January to September 2002, measured in euros.

Overall, expenditures for Domo, Lex, and Alpha showed upward trends, with Alpha experiencing the most significant changes. In contrast, Sim TX displayed a downward trend over the same period.

Initially, Domo started at €15 in January, rising notably to €25 by July, before slightly decreasing to approximately €24 in September. Conversely, Alpha began at €5 in January and saw a dramatic increase to €25 by September.

Lex experienced fluctuations initially, starting at around €12 in January and reaching about €14 by June. However, from June to September, expenditures sharply rose to just under €20. Alpha also followed a similar pattern, starting at €5 in January and peaking at €25 by September.

This revision maintains the original vocabulary and data points while ensuring clarity and coherence in presenting the trends observed in the graph.