The line graph represents the average percentage change in the price of copper, nickel, and zinc throughout the months of 2014.

The line graph illustrates the change in prices of three different materials called copper, nickel, and zinc compared to the previous month in 2014.
It can be easily seen in the given chart, the prices of three types of chemicals had fluctuated from January to December, which was mainly decreased.
Copper and Nickel had the same trend throughout the months of 2014. The price of nickel was 3 times higher than that of copper (6% compared to 2%) in the beginning of 2014. From January to June, there was a drop in price of both components, especially in June, when the changes in price of nickel fell dramatically from nearly 1% to -3%, much lower than changes in copper’s price (-0.5%). The rest of the year witnessed a rise in the price of copper and nickel.
The price of Zinc had little changes compared to December in 2013 (1%). The trend of Zinc’s price change from January to October was similar to two other elements. In the final quarter of 2014, the price is rising from -1% to 2% by the end of the year.

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Errors and Improvements:

"three types of chemicals" -> "three types of metals"
Explanation: Copper, nickel, and zinc are metals, not chemicals. Using "metals" instead of "chemicals" provides a more accurate description of the materials being discussed.
"components" -> "metals"
Explanation: In this context, referring to copper and nickel as "metals" instead of "components" is more precise and appropriate terminology.
"witnessed a rise" -> "experienced an increase"
Explanation: "Experienced an increase" is a more formal and descriptive phrase compared to "witnessed a rise," enhancing the sophistication of the language used.
"little changes" -> "minimal fluctuations"
Explanation: "Minimal fluctuations" conveys the idea of small changes more precisely and elegantly than "little changes."
"price change" -> "price fluctuations"
Explanation: "Price fluctuations" is a more precise and commonly used term to describe changes in price over time compared to "price change."
"final quarter" -> "last quarter"
Explanation: "Last quarter" is a more concise and commonly used term than "final quarter" to refer to the fourth quarter of the year.
"the price is rising" -> "prices rose"
Explanation: "Prices rose" is a more active and direct way to convey the increase in price compared to "the price is rising."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes in prices of copper, nickel, and zinc throughout the months of 2014. The trends and key features of each material’s price changes are presented with clarity and appropriate detail. The essay effectively highlights the main fluctuations in prices and compares the changes between the different materials. However, there is room for improvement in fully extending the discussion, especially in providing more detailed analysis and interpretation of the data.
How to improve:
To improve, consider providing more detailed analysis of the data, such as discussing the reasons behind the fluctuations in prices or providing more specific comparisons between the materials. Additionally, ensure that all information presented is relevant and accurate to avoid any potential confusion or inaccuracies.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay arranges information coherently, with a clear overall progression. It introduces the topic and provides an overview of the data. However, there are some issues with cohesion within and between sentences. For instance, there are abrupt transitions between paragraphs, such as the shift from discussing copper and nickel to zinc. Additionally, some sentences could be better connected to improve the flow of ideas. While the essay does use cohesive devices effectively to some extent, there are instances of mechanical or faulty cohesion, like the repetition of "the price" without varied referencing. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically; for instance, the transition between discussing copper and nickel to zinc could be smoother.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on smoother transitions between paragraphs to ensure a more seamless flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices more strategically, avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring clear connections between sentences. Also, consider reorganizing paragraphs to enhance the logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It effectively describes the fluctuations in the prices of copper, nickel, and zinc over the course of 2014. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary such as "fluctuated," "components," and "witnessed," which adds some variety to the language. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases, such as "from nearly 1% to -3%" which could be better expressed. Additionally, there are minor errors in word choice and collocation, such as "types of chemicals" instead of "metals" or "materials," and "the price is rising" instead of "rose," which slightly impact clarity and precision.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for greater precision and accuracy in word choice and phrasing. Use terminology specific to the topic, such as "metals" instead of "chemicals," to convey information more accurately. Additionally, strive for smoother transitions between ideas and more varied sentence structures to improve overall coherence and fluency. Finally, proofreading for minor errors in word choice and collocation can help refine the language and enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy. It effectively utilizes a variety of sentence structures and demonstrates control over grammar and punctuation. The essay contains complex sentences alongside simpler ones, showcasing a decent range of grammatical structures. Most sentences are error-free, with only occasional minor errors that do not impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer could focus on reducing minor errors such as punctuation inconsistencies and ensuring consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary could elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the fluctuation in prices of three materials, namely copper, nickel, and zinc, compared to the preceding month, over the course of 2014.

It is evident from the chart that the prices of all three materials experienced fluctuations from January to December, primarily showing a decline. Copper and nickel exhibited similar trends throughout the year. Notably, at the onset of 2014, the price of nickel was three times higher than that of copper, with increments of 6% and 2%, respectively. Subsequently, both materials saw a decrease in price, particularly in June, when nickel experienced a significant drop from nearly 1% to -3%, surpassing the decline in copper’s price, which stood at -0.5%. The latter half of the year witnessed a gradual increase in the prices of both copper and nickel.

Conversely, zinc’s price remained relatively stable, showing minimal changes compared to December 2013, with a marginal increase of 1%. The price trend of zinc paralleled that of copper and nickel from January to October. However, in the final quarter of 2014, zinc’s price exhibited a rise from -1% to 2%, culminating at 2% by the year’s end.