The line graph shows the consumption of 3 different types of fast food in Britain from 1970 to 1990.

The line graph illustrates the expenditure for three different types of fast food including pizza, hamburgers, and fish & chips in Britain between 1970 and 1990.
Overall, it is clear that the data for pizza and hamburgers witnessed an upward trend, while the opposite was true for fish & chips. Another noticeable feature is that hamburgers consistently held the largest share at the end of the period.
Regarding the pizza and hamburgers. In 1970, the figure for hamburgers was 90 grams, which was significantly higher than the figure for pizza, at 30 grams. After 10 years, the hamburgers saw a dramatic increase to 150 grams before jumping to the peak of 500 grams in 1990 and held the top spot. Meanwhile, the data for pizza noticeably increased to over 100 grams in 1985 before rising to 2nd place at the end period.
Turning to the fish & chips. The expenditure for fish & chips recorded the highest with 300 grams in 1970. From 1970 to 1985, the fish & chips experienced a decrease to 200 grams before seeing minimal changes by the end of the period, with 210 grams.

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Errors and Improvements:

"expenditure for three different types of fast food" -> "expenditure on three different types of fast food"
Explanation: Using "expenditure on" is more precise and idiomatic when referring to the amount spent on something.
"witnessed an upward trend" -> "experienced an upward trend"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal and appropriate term in this context to describe the trend observed in data.
"figure for hamburgers was 90 grams" -> "amount for hamburgers was 90 grams"
Explanation: "Amount" is preferable here as it refers to the quantity or portion of hamburgers consumed, which aligns better with the context of food consumption data.
"dramatic increase" -> "significant increase"
Explanation: "Significant increase" maintains formality and clarity, describing a notable rise without being overly dramatic.
"top spot" -> "highest amount"
Explanation: "Highest amount" is a clearer and more specific term in the context of quantities or figures, avoiding colloquialism.
"noticeably increased" -> "markedly increased"
Explanation: "Markedly increased" is a more precise and sophisticated phrase to describe a noticeable rise in the data.
"Turning to the fish & chips" -> "Regarding fish & chips"
Explanation: "Regarding" is a more formal transition in this context, introducing the discussion on fish & chips expenditure.
"recorded the highest with 300 grams" -> "peaked at 300 grams"
Explanation: "Peaked at" is more appropriate here as it indicates the highest point reached by fish & chips consumption during the period.
"experienced a decrease to 200 grams" -> "decreased to 200 grams"
Explanation: "Decreased to" is more concise and clearer to describe the reduction in the amount of fish & chips consumed.

By making these adjustments, the essay will sound more formal and precise, using vocabulary that is better suited for an academic or formal report.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview of the main trends in the consumption of pizza, hamburgers, and fish & chips in Britain from

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng:

Band Score:

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate for describing trends in a line graph. It uses some basic vocabulary such as "expenditure," "witnessed," "overall," "noticeable," "significant," "dramatic," "peak," "recorded," and "experienced." While these words are sufficient for conveying the general trends, the vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are also noticeable errors in word choice and expression, such as "data for pizza and hamburgers witnessed an upward trend" could be improved for clarity and precision.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

Expand Vocabulary: Introduce a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons more precisely.
Use Synonyms: Avoid repetitive use of words such as "significant" and "noticeable." Explore synonyms and more varied expressions.
Precision in Expression: Be more precise in word choice to avoid vague or repetitive language.
Contextual Awareness: Use vocabulary that is appropriate in style and collocation for describing statistical data.

By incorporating these improvements, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, closer to the 6.0 band level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, including attempts at using complex sentences to convey details about the data presented. There are instances where the essay effectively combines information using complex structures, such as "Regarding the pizza and hamburgers" and "Turning to the fish & chips." However, there are also errors in sentence structure and punctuation that occasionally affect clarity and coherence.

How to improve:
To improve the score, focus on using a wider range of complex sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. Ensure that complex sentences are used accurately to convey ideas clearly. Pay attention to punctuation to avoid errors that could impact the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, strive for greater fluency in transitioning between different parts of the essay to enhance the overall readability and cohesion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph presents data on the consumption of three