The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph displays the proportion of New Zealand population between 1950 to 2050.
Overall, it can be seen that, the percentage of people at the age of 25-37 and over 65 was decrease while the figure of people at the age of 0-14 and 38-45 increased. In addition, the proportion of people who at the age of over 65 has highest percent.
In 1950, the percentage of New Zealand population at the age of over 65 rose slightly and peak at 70% in 1990. Then the figures fell significantly to 55% in 2000, it kept dropped slowly to about 65% in 2020. According to report, the percentage of people at over 65 years old will decrease to 50% in 2050. Besides, the figures for people in 25-27 years old had slowly fluctuation between 1950 and 1990, and reach a peak at 25% in 1960. After 1990, the proportion of population in New Zealand at the age of 25-37 decline strongly to about 10%. Then it kept decrease and the figure is predicted that will be able to drop to 2% or 3% in 2050.
According to percentage of people at 0-14 years old in New Zealand, the figures had slightly raise from about 5% to 2% between 1950 to 1995. Then the proportion of it increased significant to 10% at 2000 kept rose. The figures will grow strongly at about 20% in 2050. About the proportion of population at the age of 38-45, the figures rose significant and peak at 45% in 1990. Then it fluctuated slowly from 1990 to 2020 and will increase slowly and stand at about 40% in 2050.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph displays" -> "The line graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "displays" in this context, as it emphasizes the presentation of data in a visual format.
"the proportion of people at the age of 25-37 and over 65 was decrease" -> "the proportion of individuals in the age ranges 25-37 and over 65 decreased"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "decreased" should be used as a verb to maintain grammatical consistency. Additionally, specifying "age ranges" clarifies the exact categories being discussed.
"the figure of people at the age of 0-14 and 38-45 increased" -> "the figures for individuals in the age ranges 0-14 and 38-45 increased"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "individuals" and "figures" should be used for formality and clarity, and specifying "age ranges" is more precise.
"the proportion of people who at the age of over 65 has highest percent" -> "the proportion of individuals over 65 has the highest percentage"
Explanation: "Who at the age of over 65" is awkward and incorrect; "individuals over 65" is more direct and grammatically correct. "Highest percent" should be "highest percentage" for correct terminology.
"rose slightly and peak at 70%" -> "rose slightly and peaked at 70%"
Explanation: "Peaked" is the correct verb form for describing the highest point in a graph, and "peaked" should be used instead of "peak" for grammatical correctness.
"it kept dropped" -> "it continued to decline"
Explanation: "Continued to decline" is a more formal and precise way to describe ongoing reduction, whereas "kept dropped" is informal and incorrect.
"the figure is predicted that will be able to drop" -> "it is predicted that the figure will drop"
Explanation: "It is predicted that the figure will drop" is more grammatically correct and clearer, avoiding the awkward construction "the figure is predicted that will be able to drop."
"slightly raise" -> "slightly increased"
Explanation: "Increased" is the correct verb form for describing an upward change, and "slightly" should be used as an adverb before the verb.
"the proportion of it increased significant" -> "the proportion significantly increased"
Explanation: "Significantly" should be used as an adverb to modify the verb "increased," and "it" is unnecessary and unclear in this context.
"rose significant" -> "rose significantly"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "significantly" should be used as an adverb to modify the verb "rose."
"peak at 45%" -> "peaked at 45%"
Explanation: "Peaked" should be used as the past tense of "peak" to correctly describe the highest point reached in the past.
"will increase slowly and stand at about 40%" -> "will gradually increase to approximately 40%"
Explanation: "Gradually increase" is more formal and precise than "increase slowly," and "to approximately" is a more academic way to express an estimate.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the line graph. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, and the information is not always appropriately selected. For example, the essay states that the percentage of people over 65 years old will decrease to 50% in 2050, but this is not supported by the data in the graph. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features, such as the fact that the percentage of people aged 25-37 has been steadily declining since 1990.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay should also focus on key features rather than details. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of people aged 0-14 has been steadily increasing since 1995, while the percentage of people aged 25-37 has been steadily declining since 1990. The essay should also avoid making unsupported claims, such as the claim that the percentage of people over 65 years old will decrease to 50% in 2050.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data from the line graph, the ideas are not clearly linked, leading to confusion in understanding the trends. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the response. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sections appearing as a single block of text rather than distinct paragraphs. This lack of logical structure and coherence impacts the overall effectiveness of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information into clear, distinct paragraphs, each with a central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help to link ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that the progression of ideas is logical and clearly articulated will improve the overall clarity of the essay. It is also important to check for grammatical accuracy and clarity in the expression of ideas to avoid confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the population trends in New Zealand, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the age of 25-37 and over 65 was decrease" which should be "decreased," and "the figures had slightly raise" which should be "raised." Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "peak at 70% in 1990" instead of "peaked," and "the figures will grow strongly" which could be more precisely expressed. These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting overall clarity.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are accurate and appropriate for the context. Additionally, focusing on correct word forms and avoiding repetitive phrases will enhance the essay’s overall quality. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as incorrect verb forms ("was decrease," "has highest percent") and awkward phrasing ("the figures for people in 25-27 years old"). While the meaning can still be understood, these errors can cause some difficulty for the reader. The punctuation is also faulty in places, further detracting from the overall accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences while ensuring accuracy. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and improve punctuation would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied vocabulary and ensuring that verb tenses are used correctly will also contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph displays the proportion of New Zealand’s population from 1950 to 2050. Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of people aged 25-37 and over 65 decreased, while the figures for those aged 0-14 and 38-45 increased. Additionally, the proportion of people aged over 65 has the highest percentage.

In 1950, the percentage of New Zealand’s population aged over 65 rose slightly and peaked at 70% in 1990. Then, the figures fell significantly to 55% in 2000 and continued to drop slowly to about 65% in 2020. According to the report, the percentage of people aged over 65 is expected to decrease to 50% in 2050. Furthermore, the figures for people aged 25-37 fluctuated slightly between 1950 and 1990, reaching a peak of 25% in 1960. After 1990, the proportion of the population in New Zealand aged 25-37 declined sharply to about 10%. It is predicted that this figure will drop to 2% or 3% in 2050.

Regarding the percentage of people aged 0-14 in New Zealand, the figures rose slightly from about 5% to 10% between 1950 and 1995. Then, the proportion increased significantly to 10% in 2000 and continued to rise. The figures are projected to grow strongly to about 20% in 2050. Concerning the proportion of the population aged 38-45, the figures rose significantly and peaked at 45% in 1990. After that, it fluctuated slowly from 1990 to 2020 and is expected to increase gradually, standing at about 40% in 2050.