The line graph shows the percentages of Australian export with four countries. The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012 You should write at least 150 words.

The line graph shows the percentages of Australian export with four countries.

The graph below shows the percentage of Australian exports to 4 countries from 1990 to 2012

You should write at least 150 words.

The given line graph demonstrated the percentage of exports from Australia to four different countries in a span of 22 years, beginning from 1990.

Overall, it is clear that the percentage of Australian exports for Japan and the US decreased, while China's and India's increased. Additionally, China is notable for having the most rapid growth in its figures throughout the time period.

Looking at the some features, we can see that the proportion of exports from Australia to Japan and the US were, respectively, about 27% and around 13%, with Japan's being the highest figures of all four. However, Japan witnessed a considerable decrease to 20% during the next 5 years, after that its figure slightly dropped throughout the remaining period to around 18% in the final year. Similarly, after the Australian exports of the US minimally fluctuated between around 13% and 9% from 1990 and 2000, the figure significantly decreased and reached its lowest point in 2010, which was approximately 6%, though it gained back a slight proportion of it to around 7% in the next 2 years.

Turning to the other features, it can be seen that China and India had their percentage of Australian exports being the least in 1990, which were around 3% and 2%, respectively. However, during the next 10 years, China considerably increased to 5% 2000, before rapidly rising to approximately 27% in 2010 and reaching its peak at 30% in 2012 while overtaking Japan’s and the US’s in the meantime. In a somewhat similar situation, India experienced a slight and gradual increase to 8% in 2010, preceding a minimal decrease to 6% in 2012.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The given line graph demonstrated" -> "The provided line graph illustrates"
   Explanation: "Demonstrated" is a common verb, but "illustrates" is more formal and precise, fitting for an academic or analytical context.

2. "Overall, it is clear that" -> "Overall, it is evident that"
   Explanation: "Clear" and "evident" are often interchangeable, but "evident" conveys a stronger sense of certainty and clarity.

3. "Looking at the some features" -> "Examining some features"
   Explanation: "Looking at" is casual; "examining" is more formal and appropriate for analysis.

4. "proportion of exports" -> "export proportions"
   Explanation: Using "proportion" as a noun can sound slightly awkward; "export proportions" is more concise and commonly used.

5. "witnessed a considerable decrease" -> "experienced a significant decrease"
   Explanation: "Witnessed" is passive; "experienced" is more active. "Considerable" and "significant" are similar, but "significant" emphasizes importance and impact more effectively.

6. "Australia exports of the US" -> "Australian exports to the US"
   Explanation: The original phrasing is grammatically incorrect. Using "to the US" clarifies the direction of the exports.

7. "Turning to the other features" -> "Turning to other aspects"
   Explanation: Removing "the" before "other" makes the sentence flow better. "Aspects" is a more formal term than "features."

8. "China and India had their percentage" -> "China and India had the percentage"
   Explanation: Removing "their" makes the sentence less redundant.

9. "considerably increased to 5% 2000" -> "considerably increased to 5% by 2000"
   Explanation: Adding "by" clarifies the timeframe within which the increase occurred.

10. "rapidly rising to approximately 27%" -> "rapidly rose to approximately 27%"
    Explanation: Using "rose" instead of "rising" maintains tense consistency and clarity.

11. "minimal decrease" -> "slight decrease"
    Explanation: "Minimal" suggests almost insignificant, while "slight" acknowledges a small but noticeable decrease.

12. "preceding a minimal decrease" -> "followed by a slight decrease"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward; "followed by" is clearer and more conventional.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the trends in Australian exports to four countries over a 22-year period. It clearly presents the main trends for each country and highlights key features such as changes in percentages over time. The information provided is relevant and appropriately selected, offering a comprehensive understanding of the data.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could extend its analysis by providing more detailed explanations for the fluctuations in export percentages, particularly for Japan and the US. Additionally, ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs and improving the clarity of expression could enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. It begins with an overview of the graph, outlining the main trends observed. Paragraphing is managed sufficiently and appropriately, with clear central topics within each paragraph. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, aiding in the flow of ideas and connecting sentences effectively. The essay effectively compares and contrasts the trends for each country, providing a clear understanding of the data presented.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider enhancing the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, vary the use of cohesive devices slightly more to add depth to the essay’s structure and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively conveys the trends shown in the graph using a variety of vocabulary related to percentages, trends, and changes over time. The transitions between different points in the graph are articulated with appropriate vocabulary. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and some inaccuracies in collocation, which prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource and aim for a higher band score, focus on further diversifying vocabulary usage while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Pay attention to using more sophisticated synonyms and expressions where appropriate, and proofread carefully to minimize errors in spelling and word formation. Additionally, strive for greater consistency in style and language usage throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which contributes to its coherence. The writer attempts to use a variety of sentence structures to convey information about the trends shown in the graph. There is an effort to vary the sentence structure and use transitions to connect ideas, which aids in clarity. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay, such as "Looking at the some features" and "Turning to the other features," which affect the overall accuracy and fluency of the language.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring grammatical correctness. Proofreading for errors and awkward phrasing can enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and precise language can elevate the quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the percentage of exports from Australia to four distinct countries over a period of 22 years, commencing in 1990.

In general, it is evident that there was a decline in the percentage of Australian exports to Japan and the US, whereas China’s and India’s shares witnessed an increase. Notably, China displayed the most substantial growth in export percentage over the given timeframe.

Examining specific details, it is apparent that the proportion of exports from Australia to Japan and the US stood at approximately 27% and around 13%, respectively, with Japan registering the highest figure among the four. However, Japan experienced a significant decline to 20% over the subsequent 5 years, followed by a slight downward trend to approximately 18% in the final year. Similarly, after fluctuating minimally between around 13% and 9% from 1990 to 2000, Australian exports to the US notably decreased, reaching its lowest point of around 6% in 2010, before marginally recovering to around 7% in the following 2 years.

Regarding China and India, both countries initially accounted for the smallest shares of Australian exports in 1990, approximately 3% and 2%, respectively. However, China’s export share notably increased to 5% by 2000, before experiencing rapid growth to approximately 27% in 2010 and peaking at 30% in 2012, surpassing Japan and the US in the process. Similarly, India witnessed a gradual rise to 8% in 2010, followed by a slight decrease to 6% in 2012.