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The line graph shows the percentages of Australian exports with four countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The line graph shows the percentages of Australian exports with four countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram illustrates the proportion of exports from Australia to 4 countries including Japan, the US, India, and China from 1990 to 2012.
Overall, there was a downtrend in the percentage of exports from Australia to Japan and the US, whereas the opposite is true in the case of China and India. Additionally, China becomes the dominant destination for Australian products in the final years.
First, in 1990, Japan imported significantly more Australian goods than other countries in this list, accounting for approximately 26% of Australian exports. The figure then declined gradually to a low of around 18% before remaining relatively stable towards the end of the timeframe. A similar downtrend was observed in the exports to the US, starting at nearly 12% and then falling steadily down to about 7% in 5 years, despite the rate having increased again to 13% in 2000, the decrease process still happened in the next years.
In contrast, exports to China experienced a dramatic rise from only 3%  initially to nearly 26% in 2012. overtaking Japan three years before becoming Australia’s largest goods export market. India followed a similar pattern, albeit at a lower rate. It began at the lowest position (at merely 1%), and by 2009 had climbed steadily to reach a peak of close to 10%, followed by a slight drop to about 5% at the end of the period. 


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "proportion of exports" -> "export proportions"
    Explanation: "Export proportions" is a more concise and precise term that maintains clarity and professionalism in the description of the diagram.
  2. "there was a downtrend" -> "a decline occurred"
    Explanation: "A decline occurred" is a more active and formal way to express the reduction in export percentages over time, enhancing the overall tone of the analysis.
  3. "the opposite is true" -> "conversely"
    Explanation: "Conversely" is a more sophisticated transition that indicates a contrast between the trends in export percentages to different countries, improving the coherence of the essay.
  4. "Additionally, China becomes" -> "Moreover, China emerged as"
    Explanation: "Moreover" signals a stronger connection between the previous statement and the emergence of China as the dominant destination for Australian products. "Emerged as" adds clarity and emphasis to the transformation of China’s position in the export market.
  5. "First, in 1990" -> "Initially, in 1990"
    Explanation: "Initially" is a more formal and precise introductory transition, setting the chronological context for the analysis of export percentages to different countries.
  6. "overtaking Japan three years before becoming Australia’s largest goods export market" -> "surpassing Japan three years prior to becoming Australia’s primary goods export market"
    Explanation: "Surpassing" is a more sophisticated term that denotes the action of China becoming the leading export market ahead of Japan. "Prior to" is more formal than "before," maintaining consistency in the essay’s tone.
  7. "It began at the lowest position" -> "It commenced at the lowest level"
    Explanation: "Commenced" is a more formal synonym for "began," while "level" is a clearer term to describe the starting point of export percentages to India, enhancing precision in the analysis.
  8. "climbed steadily to reach a peak" -> "steadily climbed to attain a pinnacle"
    Explanation: "Attain a pinnacle" is a more formal and vivid expression than "reach a peak," contributing to the descriptive richness of the essay while maintaining formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the line graph and making relevant comparisons between the countries’ export percentages over the specified time frame. The overview provided is clear, highlighting the general trends of export percentages for each country. Key features and bullet points are presented, including the overall downtrend in exports to Japan and the US, the increasing trend in exports to China and India, and China’s emergence as the dominant destination for Australian products. However, the extension of some points could be more fully developed to enhance the analysis further.

How to improve:
To improve, consider providing more detailed analysis and insights into the reasons behind the observed trends, such as economic factors, trade policies, or global market dynamics. Additionally, ensure that all comparisons are made explicitly and clearly to enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information by starting with an overview statement and then proceeding to discuss each country’s export trend in chronological order. There is clear progression throughout the essay, with transitions indicating shifts between different countries. The use of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("Overall," "First," "In contrast"), contributes to the coherence of the essay. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the exports of a specific country. Additionally, the essay effectively uses paragraphing to separate different ideas, contributing to its overall coherence and cohesion.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that the essay maintains consistency in the level of detail provided for each country’s export trend. Additionally, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more seamlessly and to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "downtrend," "dominant destination," and "goods export market." The writer also utilizes some less common vocabulary like "albeit" and "overtaking" with reasonable accuracy. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be more precise, such as "in the final years" instead of specifying the exact timeframe. Overall, the essay effectively communicates the main features of the data with appropriate lexical resource.

How to improve: To improve, the writer could focus on using even more varied and sophisticated vocabulary choices where appropriate, ensuring precision and clarity in conveying the information. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice accuracy, particularly in describing timeframes, can enhance the lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences, to convey information effectively. There is a good attempt at using complex structures to discuss trends and comparisons between countries. The majority of sentences are error-free, and there is generally good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay, such as "overtaking Japan three years before becoming Australia’s largest goods export market," where clarity could be improved. Overall, the essay exhibits a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy with occasional errors.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy further, pay close attention to sentence structure and ensure clarity in expressions. Proofreading for minor errors and refining complex sentence constructions can help achieve a higher band score. Additionally, strive for more precise vocabulary choices to enrich the essay’s language and overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram delineates the distribution of Australian exports to four nations, namely Japan, the US, India, and China, spanning the years 1990 to 2012.

Broadly, a downward trajectory characterizes the proportion of exports from Australia to Japan and the US, while conversely, an upward trend is evident in the case of China and India. Furthermore, China emerges as the predominant recipient of Australian exports in the latter years.

Initially, in 1990, Japan emerged as the primary importer of Australian goods, constituting approximately 26% of total exports. Subsequently, this figure gradually receded to around 18%, remaining relatively stable thereafter. Similarly, exports to the US commenced at nearly 12% and steadily diminished to approximately 7% within five years. Despite a resurgence to 13% in 2000, the downward trajectory persisted in subsequent years.

In stark contrast, exports to China exhibited a notable surge from a mere 3% initially to nearly 26% in 2012, surpassing Japan’s share three years prior to becoming Australia’s largest export market. India followed a comparable trajectory, albeit at a slower pace, commencing at a modest 1% and steadily ascending to approximately 10% by 2009. Thereafter, a slight decline ensued, stabilizing at approximately 5% by the conclusion of the period.

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