The map below shows how the plan of a proposed new town. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphic illustrates the proposed new town’s plan for the future.

Overall, the town will be divided into two sections by ring roads, which conclude a central area and some outskirts. The downtown will have more amenities,while the extramural will be designed for some majority of housing and two industrial facilities.

Noticeably, the map shows a large square in the center which can be accessed by four directions. This square holds diverse conveniences, including two parking and two bus stand areas. In addition, encircling the central square is six housing spaces and recreational fields are mainly located at the South-west corner, which create favorable conditions for citizens to access easily.

However, in the South-east and North-west sides of the outskirts, there have two areas for industrial factories. The rest part is used for housing areas, which are scattered suround the central town. In contrast of the center, there not too much entertain buildings for people who live in there.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graphic illustrates the proposed new town’s plan for the future." -> "The diagram depicts the proposed new town’s plan for the future."
Explanation: Replacing "graphic" with "diagram" is more specific and appropriate in this context, as diagrams are typically used to illustrate plans and designs. "Depicts" is a more formal verb than "illustrates," aligning better with academic style.
"conclude a central area and some outskirts" -> "define a central area and the outskirts"
Explanation: "Conclude" is incorrectly used here; "define" is the correct term for describing the boundaries of an area. Also, "some outskirts" is vague; "the outskirts" is more precise and formal.
"The downtown will have more amenities," -> "The central area will feature more amenities."
Explanation: "The downtown" is colloquial and less precise; "the central area" is more formal and accurate. "Feature" is a more academic term than "have."
"extramural will be designed for some majority of housing and two industrial facilities" -> "the peripheral areas will be allocated for the majority of housing and two industrial facilities"
Explanation: "Extramural" is an archaic term; "peripheral areas" is more contemporary and clear. "Some majority" is grammatically incorrect; "the majority" is correct.
"Noticeably, the map shows" -> "Notably, the diagram shows"
Explanation: "Noticeably" is too informal and vague; "notably" is more suitable for academic writing. "Diagram" is preferred over "map" for formal descriptions of plans.
"This square holds diverse conveniences" -> "This square accommodates a variety of amenities"
Explanation: "Holds" is too casual; "accommodates" is more formal and precise. "Diverse conveniences" is vague; "a variety of amenities" is more specific and formal.
"encircling the central square is six housing spaces" -> "surrounding the central square are six housing spaces"
Explanation: "Encircling" is less formal and slightly awkward; "surrounding" is more direct and formal. "Is" should be "are" for subject-verb agreement.
"recreational fields are mainly located at the South-west corner" -> "recreational fields are primarily situated in the South-west corner"
Explanation: "Mainly" is somewhat informal; "primarily" is more precise and formal. "Located" is less specific than "situated," which implies a more deliberate placement.
"create favorable conditions for citizens to access easily" -> "facilitate easy access for citizens"
Explanation: "Create favorable conditions for citizens to access easily" is verbose and informal; "facilitate easy access for citizens" is concise and maintains formality.
"In contrast of the center, there not too much entertain buildings for people who live in there" -> "In contrast to the central area, there are relatively few entertainment buildings for residents"
Explanation: "In contrast of the center" is grammatically incorrect; "In contrast to the central area" is correct. "Not too much" is informal and imprecise; "relatively few" is quantifiable and formal. "Entertain buildings" should be "entertainment buildings," and "people who live in there" is informal; "residents" is more appropriate.

These changes enhance the academic tone of the text, improve precision, and align with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the town plan, including the central area and the outskirts. It also makes some comparisons between the two sections. However, the essay does not fully cover all the key features of the plan. For example, it does not mention the recreational area in the center of the town.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed description of the key features of the town plan. It could also be improved by making more comparisons between the different sections of the town. For example, the essay could compare the number of housing units in the central area to the number of housing units in the outskirts.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information, but it lacks coherence and clear progression. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner without a cohesive flow. The use of cohesive devices is basic and somewhat repetitive, which affects the overall clarity and logical structure of the essay. There is an attempt at paragraphing, but it is inconsistent and does not contribute to logical progression or clarity.

How to improve:

Logical Organization: Ensure that the essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing different aspects, and a conclusion summarizing key points.
Cohesive Devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to link ideas more effectively. Avoid repetitive use of the same cohesive devices.
Paragraphing: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or topic related to the overall theme of the essay. Ensure paragraphs are logically connected to each other to maintain coherence.
Clarity and Precision: Focus on clarity in expressing ideas and avoid ambiguity or unclear references.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, which is adequate for the task but lacks variety and sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which at times affect clarity and reader comprehension. For instance, there are issues with pluralization ("two parking and two bus stand areas" should be "two parking and two bus stand areas"), inaccurate collocation ("there not too much entertain buildings" should be "there are not enough entertainment buildings"), and general awkwardness in expression ("scattered suround" should be "scattered around").

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

Expand Vocabulary: Introduce a wider range of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and effectively.
Work on Accuracy: Pay closer attention to word choice, collocation, and spelling to reduce errors that can hinder reader understanding.
Sentence Structure: Focus on forming sentences that are grammatically correct and clear, which can enhance lexical usage.

Improving in these areas will help achieve a higher band score by demonstrating better control and accuracy in lexical resources.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, as required for Band 6. However, there are significant issues with grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. Sentence structures are often awkward or incomplete, which affects the clarity and coherence of the writing. The errors in grammar and punctuation are frequent enough to cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Work on forming clearer and more complete sentences. Ensure each sentence communicates a clear idea without unnecessary complexity.
Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on improving accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper use of punctuation marks.
Complex Structures: Practice incorporating more complex sentence structures correctly, ensuring they enhance rather than hinder clarity.
Proofreading: Always proofread your writing to catch errors in grammar and punctuation before submission. This helps in presenting a more polished piece of writing.

By addressing these areas, you can improve your score by enhancing the clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy of your essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided map illustrates the proposed layout of a new town in the future.

Overall, the town is delineated into two distinct zones by encircling ring roads, comprising a central area and peripheral regions. The central downtown area is characterized by a variety of amenities, whereas the outskirts are primarily allocated for residential purposes with two industrial facilities.

Notably, the central square at the heart of the town is accessible from all four directions and accommodates various conveniences, including two parking areas and two bus stops. Surrounding this square are six residential blocks, while recreational fields are predominantly situated in the southwest corner, ensuring easy access for residents.

Conversely, industrial zones are located in the southeast and northwest corners of the outskirts. The remaining areas are designated for residential use, interspersed around the central town area. In comparison to the downtown region, there are fewer entertainment facilities available for residents in these peripheral zones.