The map below shows the change of this region in 1995 and now.

The pictures illustrate the change of the town from 1995 to present day.
In general, the town was transformed to a more residential and urban area with additional recreational facilities while a wide amount of woodland was replaced.
In the north-western side of the region, there is a extension of a horizontal road, encircled with some new house. These construction improve the accessibility of residents here, being suitable for the raising population.
To the right of the housing area, there used to be a large region of farmland before being developed for people to play golf. The adjacent forest park in 1995 was also cut down for the establishment of the tennis stadium, which is just under the golf area.
Moving on to the south side of the town, because the fishing port was totally demolished, the chain of shops and fish market were replaced with restaurants and apartments, respectively. To the opposite site of the previous change, while the hotel and the cafe were retained, the new car park was built nearby. This enhance the convenience for the residents living here.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pictures illustrate the change of the town from 1995 to present day." -> "The photographs depict the transformation of the town from 1995 to the present day."
Explanation: Replacing "illustrate" with "depict" and "the change of the town" with "the transformation of the town" refines the language to better suit academic style by using more precise and formal vocabulary.
"was transformed to a more residential and urban area" -> "has evolved into a more residential and urban area"
Explanation: Changing "was transformed" to "has evolved" shifts the tense to the present perfect, which is more appropriate for discussing ongoing changes over time in an academic context.
"a wide amount of woodland was replaced" -> "a significant amount of woodland was cleared"
Explanation: Replacing "wide amount" with "significant amount" and "was replaced" with "was cleared" provides a more precise and formal expression, aligning better with academic standards.
"encircled with some new house" -> "surrounded by new houses"
Explanation: Correcting "encircled with some new house" to "surrounded by new houses" corrects the grammatical error and uses the plural form "houses" to match the plural context.
"These construction improve" -> "These constructions improve"
Explanation: Correcting "These construction" to "These constructions" fixes the grammatical error of number agreement.
"being suitable for the raising population" -> "suited to the growing population"
Explanation: Replacing "being suitable for the raising population" with "suited to the growing population" corrects the verb tense and uses more formal language.
"there used to be a large region of farmland" -> "there was once a significant area of farmland"
Explanation: Changing "there used to be" to "there was once" and "large region" to "significant area" refines the expression to be more precise and formal.
"cut down for the establishment of the tennis stadium" -> "cleared to make way for the construction of the tennis stadium"
Explanation: Replacing "cut down" with "cleared" and "establishment" with "construction" provides a clearer and more formal description of the action.
"because the fishing port was totally demolished" -> "following the complete demolition of the fishing port"
Explanation: Changing "because the fishing port was totally demolished" to "following the complete demolition of the fishing port" shifts to a more formal and precise phrasing.
"the chain of shops and fish market were replaced" -> "the chain of shops and the fish market were replaced"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "fish market" corrects the grammatical error of omission.
"This enhance the convenience for the residents living here" -> "This enhances the convenience for the residents living here"
Explanation: Correcting "This enhance" to "This enhances" fixes the verb agreement error, aligning with the singular subject "This."

These changes enhance the academic tone of the essay by using more precise and formal vocabulary, correcting grammatical errors, and improving the flow of the text.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in the town, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. For example, the essay does not mention that the town has become more urbanized, with more housing and recreational facilities. The essay also does not mention that the town has become more accessible, with the extension of the road.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by providing more details about the changes that have taken place. For example, the essay could mention the number of new houses that have been built, or the size of the new golf course. The essay could also provide more specific information about the changes that have taken place in the south side of the town. For example, the essay could mention that the fishing port has been replaced with a chain of shops and a fish market. The essay could also mention that the hotel and the cafe have been retained, but a new car park has been built nearby.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas in a coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression from the description of changes in the town from 1995 to the present. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of mechanical cohesion and some awkward phrasing that detract from the overall clarity. For example, phrases like "being suitable for the raising population" and "the opposite site of the previous change" could be improved for better clarity and coherence. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be grouped more effectively to enhance the flow of information.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. Improving the logical flow of paragraphs by grouping related ideas together would also strengthen the overall coherence. Additionally, refining awkward phrases and ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately without over-reliance would help in achieving a more sophisticated level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for basic descriptions of the changes in the town. However, while it attempts to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "demolished," "recreational facilities"), there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "a extension" (should be "an extension") and "These construction improve" (should be "These constructions improve"). Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the opposite site" (should be "the opposite side"). These errors do not completely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy, particularly in terms of article usage and plural forms, would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of more complex lexical items and ensuring correct collocations will also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "a extension" (should be "an extension") and "These construction improve" (should be "These constructions improve"). While these errors do not significantly hinder communication, they indicate a lack of control over grammatical accuracy. The essay does convey the main ideas clearly, but the presence of grammatical mistakes suggests that the writer has room for improvement in terms of accuracy and range.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase grammatical accuracy: Review and practice common grammatical structures to reduce errors, particularly with articles and subject-verb agreement.
Expand sentence variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and ensure that they are used accurately to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the essay.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct any minor mistakes before submission, which can help improve the overall impression of grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pictures illustrate the changes in the town from 1995 to the present day. In general, the town has been transformed into a more residential and urban area with additional recreational facilities, while a significant amount of woodland has been replaced.

In the north-western side of the region, there is an extension of a horizontal road, surrounded by some new houses. These constructions improve the accessibility for residents here, accommodating the rising population. To the right of the housing area, there used to be a large expanse of farmland, which has now been developed into a golf course. The adjacent forest park that existed in 1995 was also cut down for the establishment of a tennis stadium, located just below the golf area.

Moving on to the southern side of the town, the fishing port has been completely demolished, and the chain of shops and fish market has been replaced with restaurants and apartments, respectively. Conversely, while the hotel and café have been retained, a new car park has been built nearby. This enhances the convenience for the residents living in this area.