The map below shows the development of the village of Ryemouth between 1995 and present. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The map below shows the development of the village of Ryemouth between 1995 and present.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The diagrams illustrate how the village of Ryemouth has undergone some significant changes from 1995 to until now.
Overall, the town has some substantial transformations with the addition of car park, housing and forest park. Moreover, some areas tend to be relocated and replaced by another.
With regard to the south region, which is the location for sea with fishing port near the land in 1995, but currently, this place is demolished and just remained the ocean. In front of the sea was a fish market, which is transformed into some apartments, oppsite site was the area for shop but now this is converted into the restaurant. Besides, a cafe in front of the junction in the southeast still remained unchanged and a hotel on the opposite site experiened the same situation as the cafe. In contrast, the car park adjacent the hotel is emerged.
When it comes to some housing, four houses in rectangular region has unchanged during the given period of times, but the road came to the west is demolished. Moreover, two houses beside the rectangular area is transfered into both side of the road, which come from nortwest to southeast. Furthermore, the farmland is replaced by the golf with the region for the forest park, which is cleared to make a way for tennis purpose.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagrams illustrate how the village of Ryemouth has undergone some significant changes from 1995 to until now." -> "The diagrams depict significant transformations in the village of Ryemouth from 1995 to the present."
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise verb for describing visual representations like diagrams, and "the present" is a more formal way to refer to the current time period.
"the town has some substantial transformations with the addition of car park, housing and forest park." -> "the town has undergone substantial transformations, including the addition of a car park, housing, and a forest park."
Explanation: "Undergone" is more specific and formal than "has some," and adding "including" clarifies the list of additions, enhancing the formal tone.
"some areas tend to be relocated and replaced by another" -> "some areas have been relocated and replaced by others"
Explanation: "Have been" is more precise and formal than "tend to be," and "others" is a more appropriate pronoun than "another" in this context.
"With regard to the south region, which is the location for sea with fishing port near the land in 1995, but currently, this place is demolished and just remained the ocean." -> "Regarding the southern region, which was a coastal area with a fishing port adjacent to the land in 1995, but has since been demolished and now remains as ocean."
Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal than "With regard to," and "was" and "has since been" improve the temporal precision. "Adjacent" is more specific than "near," and "now remains as ocean" corrects the grammatical error and enhances clarity.
"oppsite site was the area for shop but now this is converted into the restaurant." -> "the site opposite was previously a shop, but it has now been converted into a restaurant."
Explanation: "Opposite" should be "opposite site," and "was previously" and "has now been" correct the tense and improve formality.
"a cafe in front of the junction in the southeast still remained unchanged" -> "the cafe at the junction in the southeast remains unchanged"
Explanation: "The cafe at the junction" is more specific and formal, and "remains" is more appropriate than "still remained" in this context.
"a hotel on the opposite site experiened the same situation as the cafe." -> "the hotel on the opposite site has experienced the same situation as the cafe."
Explanation: "Has experienced" corrects the spelling error and aligns with the formal tone.
"the car park adjacent the hotel is emerged." -> "the car park adjacent to the hotel has emerged."
Explanation: "Adjacent to" is grammatically correct, and "has emerged" corrects the verb tense and formality.
"four houses in rectangular region has unchanged during the given period of times" -> "the four houses in the rectangular region have remained unchanged during this period"
Explanation: "The four houses" is more specific, and "have remained unchanged" corrects the verb tense and formality.
"two houses beside the rectangular area is transfered into both side of the road, which come from nortwest to southeast." -> "the two houses beside the rectangular area have been relocated to both sides of the road, which originate from the northwest to the southeast."
Explanation: "Have been relocated" corrects the verb tense and formality, and "originate from" is more precise than "come from."
"the farmland is replaced by the golf with the region for the forest park, which is cleared to make a way for tennis purpose." -> "the farmland has been replaced by a golf course and a forest park, which has been cleared to accommodate a tennis facility."
Explanation: "Has been replaced" and "has been cleared" correct the verb tense, and "accommodate a tennis facility" is more specific and formal than "make a way for tennis purpose."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes that have taken place in Ryemouth. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. The essay also does not provide any data to support the description.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the changes that have taken place in Ryemouth. The essay should also provide data to support the description. For example, the essay could state that the fishing port has been demolished and replaced by apartments. The essay could also state that the farmland has been replaced by a golf course and a tennis court. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could state that the cafe and hotel have remained unchanged, rather than stating that the cafe has remained unchanged and the hotel has experienced the same situation as the cafe.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. Some cohesive devices are used, but there is inadequate and sometimes inaccurate use of them. The essay tends to be repetitive due to a lack of effective referencing and substitution. Paragraphing is attempted but is not always logical or effective.

How to improve:

Enhance Overall Progression: Ensure that the essay follows a logical sequence from one idea to the next. This can be achieved by creating a clear outline before writing and sticking to it.
Improve Use of Cohesive Devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately to link ideas within and between sentences. Avoid overusing certain phrases and ensure that each device serves a clear purpose.
Effective Referencing and Substitution: Use pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and make the text more engaging. This helps in maintaining clarity and coherence.
Logical Paragraphing: Each paragraph should focus on a single central topic. Ensure that paragraphs are logically divided and that each one contributes to the overall progression of the essay.
Proofreading: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This can help in making the essay more coherent and easier to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the village of Ryemouth, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "demolished" used inappropriately for the ocean and "transfered" instead of "transferred." Additionally, spelling errors like "experiened" and "oppsite" hinder clarity. The use of basic phrases and a lack of variety in vocabulary restricts the overall effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings. Practicing synonyms and varying expressions can help avoid repetition. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors is essential. Engaging with more advanced vocabulary related to urban development and geographical changes can also improve the sophistication of the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. However, these complex sentences often contain errors that affect clarity. There are frequent grammatical mistakes, such as incorrect verb forms ("is transfered"), misused prepositions ("on the opposite site"), and issues with subject-verb agreement ("the town has some substantial transformations"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences accurately. They should also pay attention to grammatical rules, such as verb forms and subject-verb agreement, to reduce errors. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help improve accuracy and flexibility in using English grammar. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation and clarity before submission would enhance overall communication.
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Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate how the village of Ryemouth has undergone significant changes from 1995 to the present. Overall, the town has experienced substantial transformations with the addition of a car park, housing, and a forest park. Moreover, some areas have been relocated and replaced by others.

In the southern region, which was home to the sea and a fishing port in 1995, this area has now been demolished and only the ocean remains. In front of the sea was a fish market, which has been transformed into apartments. On the opposite side, there was an area designated for shops, but this has now been converted into a restaurant. Additionally, a café in front of the junction in the southeast has remained unchanged, while a hotel on the opposite side has experienced the same situation as the café. In contrast, the car park adjacent to the hotel has emerged.

Regarding housing, four houses in the rectangular region have remained unchanged during the given period. However, the road leading to the west has been demolished. Furthermore, two houses beside the rectangular area have been transferred to both sides of the road, which runs from the northwest to the southeast. Additionally, the farmland has been replaced by a golf course, and the area designated for the forest park has been cleared to make way for tennis facilities.