The map below shows the development of the village of Ryemouth between 1995 and present.

The diagram illustrates the changes that have taken place in the village called Ryemouth has changed since 1995.
Overall, the village underwent a number of dramatic changes, the most important of which are the expansion of accommodation area, the disappearances of the green area and the harbor catering for fishing needs.
The north-west of the village witnessed a significant change, with the extendent of residential area, and a road was constructed to become a fork. In the north-east part, a big court catering for golf and tennis was built, replacing the farmland and the forest park.
There used to be a fish market in the south-west of the village, but it then has been redeveloped into an apartment complex, which was accompanied by the demolition of the fishing port.Meanwhile, the shops in this part were converted into a restaurant complex, catering for the cuisine needs. Finally, in the south-east area, the coffee shop and hotel still remained, while a car park was erected, allowing people to park here.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates the changes that have taken place in the village called Ryemouth has changed since 1995." -> "The diagram illustrates the changes that have occurred in Ryemouth since 1995."
Explanation: Removing "the village called" simplifies the phrase and corrects the grammatical structure, making it more direct and formal. Additionally, "has changed" is redundant, as "illustrates" implies a change over time.
"the expansion of accommodation area" -> "the expansion of residential areas"
Explanation: "Accommodation area" is vague and incorrect; "residential areas" is the appropriate term for describing areas of housing.
"the disappearances of the green area" -> "the reduction of green spaces"
Explanation: "Disappearances" incorrectly implies complete loss; "reduction" is more accurate for describing a decrease in size or extent.
"the harbor catering for fishing needs" -> "the harbor serving fishing purposes"
Explanation: "Catering for" is informal and slightly vague; "serving" is more precise and formal, and "purposes" is more appropriate than "needs."
"the extendent of residential area" -> "the expansion of residential areas"
Explanation: "Extendent" is not a commonly used word; "expansion" is the correct term for describing growth in size or scope.
"a big court catering for golf and tennis" -> "a large recreational facility for golf and tennis"
Explanation: "Big court" is informal and imprecise; "large recreational facility" is more formal and descriptive.
"replacing the farmland and the forest park" -> "replacing agricultural land and a forest park"
Explanation: "Farmland" is a specific type of land use, and "agricultural land" is more general and formal. "The forest park" should not be repeated with "the."
"There used to be a fish market" -> "There was previously a fish market"
Explanation: "Used to be" is conversational; "was previously" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"it then has been redeveloped" -> "it was subsequently redeveloped"
Explanation: "Then" is informal and imprecise; "subsequently" provides a clearer temporal connection to the previous event.
"accompanied by the demolition of the fishing port" -> "accompanied by the demolition of the fishing port"
Explanation: This is a repetition of the same phrase; it should be removed for clarity and to avoid redundancy.
"catering for the cuisine needs" -> "serving culinary needs"
Explanation: "Catering for" is informal and slightly vague; "serving" is more direct and formal, and "culinary" is the correct term for food-related services.
"a car park was erected" -> "a parking lot was constructed"
Explanation: "Erected" is less specific and can be misinterpreted; "constructed" is more precise and appropriate for describing building activities.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes that have taken place in the village of Ryemouth. The essay also presents some key features of the changes, such as the expansion of the residential area and the disappearance of the green area. However, the essay does not fully cover all of the key features of the changes, and some of the details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the fish market was redeveloped into an apartment complex, but the map shows that the fish market was replaced by apartments.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes, and by ensuring that all of the details are accurate and relevant. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying that the residential area "extended," the essay could say that the residential area "expanded" or "increased in size."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in Ryemouth, the ideas are not clearly linked, leading to confusion in the flow of information. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "the diagram illustrates the changes that have taken place in the village called Ryemouth has changed since 1995," which is a grammatical error. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are jumbled together without clear separation.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the changes being described. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly and ensuring that they logically connect ideas will improve the flow. Avoiding grammatical errors and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the village of Ryemouth, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and formation, such as "the disappearances of the green area" (which should be "disappearance") and "the extendent of residential area" (which should be "extension"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, the essay lacks the use of less common lexical items and does not show a sufficient awareness of style or collocation.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common and more precise terms. This can be achieved by practicing synonyms and varying word choices to avoid repetition. Additionally, the writer should focus on improving accuracy in word formation and collocation, ensuring that phrases are used correctly in context. Reading more academic or descriptive texts can help in acquiring a richer vocabulary and understanding how to use it effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the disappearances of the green area" and "the extendent of residential area" are not only grammatically incorrect but also unclear. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, further hinder clarity. Overall, the essay does not consistently convey ideas effectively due to these issues.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on practicing a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms. They should also work on identifying and correcting common grammatical errors, such as verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Reading well-structured essays can provide examples of effective grammar usage. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and clarity before submission can help reduce errors that impede communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the changes that have taken place in the village of Ryemouth since 1995. Overall, the village has undergone a number of dramatic changes, the most significant of which are the expansion of the accommodation area, the disappearance of the green space, and the redevelopment of the harbor catering to fishing needs.

The north-west of the village witnessed a significant change, with the extension of the residential area, and a road was constructed to form a fork. In the north-east part, a large court catering to golf and tennis was built, replacing the farmland and the forest park.

There used to be a fish market in the south-west of the village, but it has since been redeveloped into an apartment complex, which was accompanied by the demolition of the fishing port. Meanwhile, the shops in this area were converted into a restaurant complex, catering to culinary needs. Finally, in the south-east area, the coffee shop and hotel remain, while a car park was erected, allowing people to park there.