The map shows how coastal land develops into a coastal park. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram provides a detailed illustration of the evolution of a coastal land into a coastal park. Overall, there were multiple alterations occurred in this area, with the construction of a new cafeteria and the addition of shrubbery lands on both sides, thereby enhancing the service quality and promoting local tourism.
On the left-hand side of the beachfront, a large area for breeding animals and unutilized land have been transformed into a new park. This park features a new footpath surrounding a circular reservoir, with numerous trees planted alongside, providing a greenery space. Additionally, two farm buildings, previously situated at the middle of the map, have been converted into a new car park connecting to the main road. Concurrently, a new cafeteria has been constructed adjacent to the car park to meet local residents’ needs.
On the left side of the beachfront, a vast land was utilized for agricultural purposes, which now have been replaced to create a shrubbery area with another footpath encircling it. Steps have also been added to the cliffs to attract more tourists

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"multiple alterations occurred" -> "several changes were made"
Explanation: "Multiple alterations occurred" is somewhat vague and informal. "Several changes were made" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"enhancing the service quality" -> "enhancing service quality"
Explanation: Removing the definite article "the" before "service quality" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the formal tone of academic writing.
"promoting local tourism" -> "fostering local tourism"
Explanation: "Fostering" is a more precise and formal term than "promoting," which is commonly used in academic texts to describe the development of tourism.
"a large area for breeding animals and unutilized land" -> "a significant area for animal breeding and previously unused land"
Explanation: "Unutilized" is not commonly used; "previously unused" is more precise and formal. Also, "a large area" is vague; "a significant area" provides a clearer sense of magnitude.
"have been transformed" -> "have been transformed into"
Explanation: Adding "into" clarifies the direction of the transformation, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"a new footpath surrounding a circular reservoir" -> "a new path encircling a circular reservoir"
Explanation: "Path" is a more specific term than "footpath," and "encircling" is more formal than "surrounding."
"unutilized land" -> "previously unused land"
Explanation: "Unutilized" is less commonly used and can be replaced with "previously unused" for clarity and formality.
"a new cafeteria has been constructed" -> "a new cafeteria was constructed"
Explanation: Changing "has been" to "was" corrects the tense to match the past context of the diagram.
"to meet local residents’ needs" -> "to serve the local community"
Explanation: "To serve the local community" is a more formal and precise way to express the purpose of the cafeteria, replacing the more casual "to meet local residents’ needs."
"a vast land was utilized" -> "a significant area was utilized"
Explanation: "A vast land" is informal and imprecise; "a significant area" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"which now have been replaced" -> "which has been replaced"
Explanation: Correcting "have been" to "has been" aligns with the singular subject "a vast land," improving grammatical accuracy.
"Steps have also been added" -> "Steps were also added"
Explanation: Changing "have been" to "were" corrects the tense to match the past context of the diagram.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the coastal land, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the lake that has been created in the park.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes to the coastal land. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could mention the lake that has been created in the park. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes. For example, the essay could mention the size of the new park or the number of trees that have been planted.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the description of the coastal land to its transformation into a coastal park. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the description of the left-hand side of the beachfront is mentioned twice, which can confuse the reader. Overall, the essay meets the requirements for a Band 6 score, as it demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion but lacks the sophistication and clarity needed for a higher score.
How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the coastal park’s development without unnecessary repetition. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that they contribute to a smoother flow of ideas will help improve the overall clarity. More explicit referencing to different parts of the map could also strengthen the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "a large area for breeding animals" which could be more precisely expressed. Additionally, there are errors in grammatical structures, such as "there were multiple alterations occurred," which detracts from the overall clarity. While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, it lacks the sophistication and flexibility required for a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary with greater precision. This could involve practicing synonyms for common words and ensuring that less common items are used accurately. Additionally, attention should be paid to grammatical structures and collocations to avoid awkward phrasing. Regular reading and writing practice can help develop a more natural and sophisticated command of vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "multiple alterations occurred" and "a greenery space" are somewhat awkward and could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, there are instances of subject-verb agreement issues, such as "a vast land was utilized… which now have been replaced," where "have" should be "has." Overall, while the communication is generally clear, the errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Review Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense.
Vary Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Proofread for Clarity: After writing, take time to review the essay for awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.
Practice with Feedback: Engage in writing practice and seek feedback to identify and correct recurring grammatical issues.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram provides a detailed illustration of the evolution of coastal land into a coastal park. Overall, multiple alterations occurred in this area, including the construction of a new cafeteria and the addition of shrubbery on both sides, thereby enhancing service quality and promoting local tourism.

On the left-hand side of the beachfront, a large area for breeding animals and unused land has been transformed into a new park. This park features a new footpath surrounding a circular reservoir, with numerous trees planted alongside, providing a green space. Additionally, two farm buildings, previously situated in the middle of the map, have been converted into a new car park connecting to the main road. Concurrently, a new cafeteria has been constructed adjacent to the car park to meet the needs of local residents.

On the right side of the beachfront, a vast area that was previously utilized for agricultural purposes has now been replaced to create a shrubbery area with another footpath encircling it. Steps have also been added to the cliffs to attract more tourists.