The map shows the plan of a museum in 1998 and some changes were made in 2008
The map shows the plan of a museum in 1998 and some changes were made in 2008
The demonstrated two maps illustrate the development and the variations that were conducted in the museum in 1998 and a decade later.
In general, there were many changes and improvements implemented in the museum, although the old rooms still exist.
To begin with, in 1998, there were three permanent exhibition rooms and seven other different rooms. Moreover, two rooms of the permanent exhibition were located on the right side, while the third one was situated in the left corner of the museum.
On the other hand, in 2008, some changes were implemented on the west side of the museum like the shop and bags and coats room moved into the south west corner of it. However, toilet’s place was also different. In 2008, it was situated next to a cafe which is located in the north. In addition, the largest room which was located in the centre of the museum, was developed with some additional facilities, such as a cafe sitting zone and fountains. Furthermore, on the left side, two rooms were added. In the north left corner, there was a restaurant and in the middle there was a new room erected called a temporary exhibition.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the demonstrated two maps" -> "the two maps presented"
Explanation: The phrase "the demonstrated two maps" is awkward and unclear. "The two maps presented" is more straightforward and aligns better with formal academic language. -
"the development and the variations that were conducted in the museum" -> "the developments and variations that occurred in the museum"
Explanation: "Conducted" is typically used for actions performed by people, while "occurred" is more appropriate for changes that take place. Additionally, "developments" should be plural to match "variations." -
"there were many changes and improvements implemented in the museum" -> "numerous changes and enhancements were implemented in the museum"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "many," and "enhancements" conveys a more formal tone than "improvements." -
"the old rooms still exist" -> "the original rooms remain"
Explanation: "Original" is more specific and formal than "old," and "remain" is a more precise term than "exist." -
"three permanent exhibition rooms and seven other different rooms" -> "three permanent exhibition rooms and seven additional rooms"
Explanation: "Additional" is a more formal and precise term than "other different," which is vague and informal. -
"two rooms of the permanent exhibition were located on the right side" -> "two of the permanent exhibition rooms were situated on the right side"
Explanation: "Situated" is a more formal and precise term than "located," enhancing the academic tone. -
"some changes were implemented on the west side of the museum like the shop and bags and coats room moved into the south west corner of it" -> "several changes were made to the west side of the museum, including the relocation of the shop and the bags and coats room to the southwest corner"
Explanation: "Several" is more precise than "some," and "relocation" is a more formal term than "moved." Additionally, restructuring the sentence improves clarity. -
"toilet’s place was also different" -> "the location of the restrooms was also altered"
Explanation: "Restrooms" is a more formal term than "toilet," and "altered" is a more precise term than "different." -
"which is located in the north" -> "which is situated in the northern part"
Explanation: "Situated" is more formal than "located," and "northern part" is clearer than simply "north." -
"the largest room which was located in the centre of the museum, was developed with some additional facilities" -> "the largest room, situated in the center of the museum, was enhanced with additional facilities"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more formal alternative to "developed," and "center" is the standard spelling in American English (or "centre" in British English, but should be consistent). -
"on the left side, two rooms were added" -> "two additional rooms were added to the left side"
Explanation: This rephrasing improves clarity and maintains a formal tone. -
"in the north left corner" -> "in the northwest corner"
Explanation: "Northwest corner" is a more precise and conventional way to describe that location. -
"in the middle there was a new room erected called a temporary exhibition" -> "in the center, a new room was constructed, designated as a temporary exhibition"
Explanation: "Constructed" is more formal than "erected," and "designated as" is clearer than "called."
These changes enhance the essay’s clarity, precision, and adherence to formal academic language.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes made to the museum between 1998 and 2008. It identifies the key features of the museum in both years and highlights the main changes. However, the essay lacks some detail and accuracy. For example, it states that the shop and bags and coats room moved to the southwest corner of the museum in 2008, but the map shows that they moved to the south-east corner. Additionally, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes made to the central room, only mentioning that it was developed with additional facilities.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes made to the museum. For example, the essay could mention the exact number of rooms added or removed, the size of the new facilities, and the specific location of the changes. The essay could also be improved by providing a more accurate description of the changes made to the central room. For example, the essay could mention that the central room was converted into a cafe with a seating area and fountains. Finally, the essay could be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying that the shop and bags and coats room moved to the southwest corner, the essay could say that the shop and bags and coats room were relocated to the south-east corner.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes made to the museum, the structure is somewhat confusing, particularly in the transition between the descriptions of the 1998 and 2008 layouts. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to a repetitive narrative that lacks clarity. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the ideas do not flow logically from one to the next, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating a clearer structure by logically organizing information and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. It would also be beneficial to ensure that paragraphing is used effectively, with each paragraph clearly delineating a specific aspect of the museum’s changes.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the demonstrated two maps" instead of "the two maps demonstrate" and "the variations that were conducted" which could be more appropriately phrased. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "toilet’s place" which should be "the location of the toilets." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do affect clarity and precision.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise word choices. Practicing the correct collocation of words and ensuring grammatical accuracy would enhance the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, minimizing spelling errors and improving sentence structure can contribute to a clearer and more sophisticated expression of ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 level. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "toilet’s place" which should be "the location of the toilets," and "in the north left corner" which could be more clearly stated as "in the northwest corner." While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they are present and affect the overall clarity of the writing. The essay does show an attempt to use a variety of structures, but the accuracy is inconsistent.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading the essay to correct errors and by practicing more complex sentence forms to enhance grammatical range. Additionally, ensuring that all phrases are clearly articulated and avoiding vague references will improve clarity and coherence.
Bài sửa mẫu
The two maps illustrate the development and changes made to the museum from 1998 to 2008.
In general, there were numerous changes and improvements implemented in the museum, although the original rooms still exist.
To begin with, in 1998, there were three permanent exhibition rooms and seven other distinct rooms. Additionally, two of the permanent exhibition rooms were located on the right side, while the third was situated in the left corner of the museum.
On the other hand, in 2008, several modifications were made to the west side of the museum, including the relocation of the shop and the bags and coats room to the southwest corner. However, the location of the toilets also changed. In 2008, they were situated next to a café located in the north. Furthermore, the largest room, which was centrally located in the museum, was enhanced with additional facilities, such as a café seating area and fountains. Additionally, on the left side, two new rooms were added. In the northwest corner, there was a restaurant, and in the middle, a new room was established called the temporary exhibition.
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