The maps below give information about a plan to redevelop an industrial site. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps below give information about a plan to redevelop an industrial site.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Given are two maps concerning about a plan to redevelop an industrial site. In general, what stands out from the maps is that an office will have a significant transformation to become heavily residental area with many developments. Looking at the parking place, it will be enlarge and tum into two big houses which contain three bedroom and four bedroom.
In the future individuals will park their vehicles at the East, near Pie walk, and next to the Apartment. The apartment will take place at where the factory locate now, this area will be expand and become an apartment with parking are nearby. There will be many changes with the entrance and reception, which is near the Chimney Road. This place will extend and make into three houses adjacent with the same number of bedroom, right next to these houses is the Communal Gardens with a huge amount of trees, and around this area is a completely private road. Lastly, offices and canteen will be replace as a parking garages, this destinations locate of the South and next to Swallow Street.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"concerning about" -> "related to"
Explanation: "Concerning about" is redundant. "Related to" is a more concise and appropriate phrase to indicate the relationship between the maps and the plan for redevelopment.
"residental" -> "residential"
Explanation: "Residental" is a misspelling. "Residential" is the correct term to describe an area primarily consisting of homes or dwellings.
"Looking at the parking place" -> "Examining the parking area"
Explanation: "Looking at" is colloquial and informal. "Examining" is a more formal and precise term to introduce the discussion of the parking area.
"it will be enlarge" -> "it will be enlarged"
Explanation: "Enlarge" should be in the past participle form "enlarged" to agree with the future tense "will be."
"tum into" -> "turn into"
Explanation: "Tum" is a misspelling. "Turn" is the correct verb to indicate transformation.
"contain three bedroom and four bedroom" -> "consist of three-bedroom and four-bedroom residences"
Explanation: "Contain" is less precise than "consist of" when describing the composition of houses. Additionally, "bedroom" should be in the singular form "three-bedroom" and "four-bedroom" to match the count of bedrooms.
"individuals will park their vehicles at the East" -> "vehicles will be parked to the east"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality by using passive voice and specifying the direction.
"Pie walk" -> "Pier Walk"
Explanation: Assuming "Pie walk" is a misspelling or incorrect term, "Pier Walk" seems to be the intended phrase, referring to a walkway near a pier or waterfront area.
"where the factory locate now" -> "where the factory is currently located"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense and adding the verb "is" for grammatical accuracy.
"will be expand" -> "will be expanded"
Explanation: Changing "expand" to the past participle form "expanded" to agree with the future tense "will be."
"make into" -> "transformed into"
Explanation: "Make into" is informal. "Transformed into" is a more formal and precise term to describe the conversion of an area into something else.
"adjacent with" -> "adjacent to"
Explanation: "Adjacent with" is incorrect usage. "Adjacent to" is the correct preposition to denote proximity.
"a huge amount of trees" -> "an abundance of trees"
Explanation: "A huge amount of" is less precise than "an abundance of" when describing a large quantity.
"completely private road" -> "fully private road"
Explanation: "Completely private" is redundant. "Fully private" is a more concise and appropriate term to describe the road’s exclusivity.
"offices and canteen will be replace" -> "offices and canteen will be replaced"
Explanation: Correcting the verb form to "replaced" to match the future tense "will be."
"destinations locate of the South" -> "destinations located to the south"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using proper grammar by changing "locate" to "located" and specifying the direction.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to address the task by summarizing the main features of the redevelopment plan. It mentions the transformation of an office into a residential area and the enlargement of the parking place. It also provides some details about the placement of the apartment, changes to the entrance and reception area, and the replacement of offices and canteen with parking garages.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay should provide a clearer and more organized overview of the main features of the redevelopment plan. It should include more specific details about the changes, such as the size and layout of the residential area, the number of parking spaces, and any additional facilities or amenities. Additionally, the essay should use more precise language and correct grammar to enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to summarize the information provided in the maps but lacks coherence and cohesion. The organization of ideas is unclear, with abrupt transitions between different aspects of the redevelopment plan. There is no clear progression of ideas, making it difficult for the reader to follow the logic of the argument. Additionally, there are errors in cohesion, with repetitive language and inadequate use of cohesive devices. Paragraphing is also inadequate, as the essay lacks clear paragraph breaks, contributing to the overall lack of coherence.

How to improve:

Organize Ideas Coherently: Ensure that the essay follows a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the redevelopment plan, with smooth transitions between ideas.
Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to link ideas and create cohesion. Avoid repetitive language and strive for clarity in expression.
Improve Paragraphing: Clearly separate different ideas into distinct paragraphs to improve readability and coherence. Each paragraph should address a single topic or aspect of the redevelopment plan, with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a minimally adequate range of vocabulary for the task. There is an attempt to convey information about the redevelopment plan, but the vocabulary used is limited and sometimes repetitive. The essay lacks sophistication in lexical choices and relies heavily on basic vocabulary. Some errors in word formation and spelling are present, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, focus on expanding vocabulary to convey information more precisely and effectively. Use a wider range of vocabulary, including more specific terms related to urban development and planning. Pay attention to word choice and accuracy in spelling and word formation to enhance clarity and coherence in the essay. Additionally, strive for variety in sentence structures to improve overall fluency and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the text, such as "Given are two maps concerning about a plan" (which should be "Given are two maps concerning a plan") and "parking place, it will be enlarge" (which should be "parking place will be enlarged"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization.

While the essay does attempt to use complex sentences, they are often less accurate than the simple sentences, contributing to overall inconsistency in grammatical accuracy. The errors present may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve:

Focus on sentence structure: Ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and coherent.
Pay attention to punctuation: Use appropriate punctuation marks to enhance clarity and readability.
Proofread: Review the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in grammar and punctuation before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps illustrate a proposal for the redevelopment of an industrial site. Overall, the most notable feature depicted in the maps is the substantial transformation of an office area into a predominantly residential zone, accompanied by various developments.

Firstly, attention is drawn to the expansion and conversion of the parking area into two large residential properties, each featuring three and four bedrooms respectively. These properties will serve as housing options for future residents.

In the forthcoming development, parking facilities will be relocated to the eastern side of the site, adjacent to Pie Walk and in proximity to the apartment complex. The current factory location will undergo expansion to accommodate the construction of an apartment complex, with parking facilities conveniently situated nearby.

Significant alterations are also planned for the entrance and reception area, situated near Chimney Road. This area will be expanded to accommodate three residential units, each with the same number of bedrooms. Adjacent to these units lies the Communal Gardens, boasting abundant greenery, and encircled by a private road.

Furthermore, the existing office and canteen structures will be replaced with parking garages, strategically positioned to the south and adjacent to Swallow Street.

In summary, the proposed redevelopment plan emphasizes the conversion of industrial spaces into residential units, with careful consideration given to parking facilities and green spaces. The restructuring aims to enhance the functionality and livability of the area while preserving its industrial heritage.