The maps below show a beachfront area in Australia in 1950 and today.

The given pictures illustrate the layout of the beachfront zone in Australia as it was in the year 1950 and at present.

Overall, it is evident that there are significant developments in this area during the period, and four new features can be seen in the second diagram. The main development is the expansion of the road which is accessible to the beach.

Looking at the maps in more detail, it can easily be seen that the playground close to the dining tables was demolished and made way for a new car park. Meanwhile, the road from the city to the initial car park was renovated and lengthened to the beach.

At present, there are two sites which are built to the western and eastern side of the beach for people to take up surfing. To the left hand of the beach, the pool has been upgraded from 25m to 50m. Additionally, in the same direction, the restaurant has been opened to accommodate the visitors’ needs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the layout of the beachfront zone" -> "the configuration of the beachfront area"
Explanation: "Configuration" is a more sophisticated term that denotes the arrangement or setup of a particular space, which aligns better with the context of describing the layout of the beachfront.
"significant developments" -> "notable advancements"
Explanation: "Advancements" suggests progress and improvement, which is more fitting in the context of describing changes over time.
"four new features can be seen" -> "four new elements are observable"
Explanation: Using "elements" instead of "features" adds a touch of specificity and sophistication, as it refers to distinct components or aspects present in the diagram.
"the expansion of the road" -> "the widening of the roadway"
Explanation: "Widening" is a more precise term to describe the expansion of the road, indicating an increase in its width rather than just its general extension.
"Looking at the maps in more detail" -> "Upon closer examination of the maps"
Explanation: "Upon closer examination" conveys a more formal and precise tone, indicating a thorough analysis of the maps.
"the playground close to the dining tables" -> "the playground adjacent to the dining area"
Explanation: "Adjacent" is a more formal and precise term to describe the proximity of the playground to the dining area.
"made way for" -> "made room for"
Explanation: "Made room for" is a more formal and sophisticated phrase to indicate the replacement of one feature with another.
"renovated and lengthened" -> "refurbished and extended"
Explanation: "Refurbished" implies a comprehensive improvement, while "extended" provides a clearer description of the action taken on the road.
"sites which are built" -> "facilities constructed"
Explanation: "Facilities constructed" provides a more precise and formal description of the sites built for surfing.
"take up surfing" -> "engage in surfing"
Explanation: "Engage in surfing" is a more formal and precise phrase that indicates participation in the activity.
"to the left hand of the beach" -> "on the western side of the beach"
Explanation: "On the western side" provides a more specific directional indication, avoiding ambiguity.
"upgraded from 25m to 50m" -> "expanded to 50 meters from its original length of 25 meters"
Explanation: This revision provides a clearer and more detailed explanation of the pool’s enlargement.
"opened to accommodate the visitors’ needs" -> "established to cater to the requirements of visitors"
Explanation: "Cater to the requirements" is a more formal and precise phrase that conveys the purpose of opening the restaurant for visitors.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by comparing the beachfront area in Australia in 1950 to its present state. It provides a brief overview of the changes that have occurred over time, mentioning the expansion of the road, demolition of the playground, renovation of the road from the city, and the addition of new features such as surfing sites, an upgraded pool, and a new restaurant. Key features are highlighted, albeit briefly, including the new car park and the changes to the pool and restaurant.

How to improve:
To improve the score, the essay could provide more detailed descriptions of the changes, particularly regarding the size and scale of the developments. Additionally, expanding on the significance or impact of these changes would provide a more fully developed response. Ensure that all details provided are accurate and relevant to the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some organization by describing the changes in the beachfront area over time, but lacks overall progression. While it mentions developments between 1950 and present, the progression is not clearly structured. The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "Meanwhile" and "Additionally", but there is a lack of variety and precision in their use. Furthermore, the referencing of specific elements in the maps could be clearer to improve coherence. Paragraphing is utilized, albeit not always logically; for instance, the discussion of developments in the present time could have been separated into distinct paragraphs for clarity.

How to improve:

Improve overall progression by clearly outlining the chronological sequence of changes from 1950 to present.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively. Ensure that their usage is precise and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
Provide clearer references to specific features on the maps to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Ensure logical paragraphing by separating different aspects of the discussion into distinct paragraphs for clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, incorporating terms such as "layout," "developments," "expansion," "demolished," "renovated," "upgraded," and "accommodate." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "accessible" and "constructed." However, some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are present, such as "the playground close to the dining tables" which could be rephrased for better clarity. Additionally, while the essay describes changes and developments, it lacks depth and complexity in lexical resource usage.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, strive for more variety in vocabulary usage and sentence structures. Try incorporating more sophisticated and precise language where appropriate. Additionally, pay attention to collocation and word choice to ensure clarity and accuracy in expression. Finally, aim for more nuanced descriptions and explanations to enhance lexical richness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay effectively demonstrates the use of a variety of complex structures, such as compound sentences and clauses. There is a clear attempt to vary sentence structures and use transitions to connect ideas. The majority of the sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing, such as "and four new features can be seen in the second diagram," which could be improved for smoother flow and clarity.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining sentence structures for more clarity and coherence. Ensure consistency in verb tenses and use transitions more effectively to connect ideas seamlessly. Proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrasing can further enhance the grammatical accuracy and overall readability of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided illustrations depict the beachfront area in Australia both in 1950 and the present day.

Overall, it is noticeable that substantial transformations have occurred in this locale over time, with four notable alterations evident in the latter depiction. The primary change is the extension of the road providing access to the beach.

Upon closer examination of the maps, it becomes apparent that the playground adjacent to the dining area has been removed to make room for a new parking lot. Additionally, the road connecting the city to the original parking area has been refurbished and extended to reach the beach.

In the present day, two surfing facilities have been established on either side of the beach. Furthermore, to the left of the beach, the swimming pool has been upgraded from 25 meters to 50 meters. Adjacent to it, a restaurant has been inaugurated to cater to the needs of visitors.