The maps below show a beachfront area in Australia in 1950 and today. (Actual test 27/3/2021)

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The diagrams illustrate how an unspecified zone fronting an Australian beach has transformed from 1950 until today. Overall, while remaining intact in the beach size, the tourist destination has experienced major improvements, and added more diverse facilities to cater for more visitors.

In the year 1950, regarding the northernmost part of the examined area, there was a dual carriageway with the western end leading to a city and the other connecting a car park. Stretching westwards from the car park was a pavilion, dining tables and child’s recreational area, respectively, Situated to the south of the beachfront, there were two 25 – meter pools identical in size, each of which was located in the west and east, respectively.

Recently, in the northern area of the shoreline, this zone has witnessed the emergence of certain erections including the extension of road to the south, reaching the lighthouse situated at the southeast corner, and the conversion of the playground into an additional car park. Additionally, the south has registered the construction of an eating establishment and a surf club in close proximity to the new pool which has been doubled in size. Another surf club has been erected adjoining the light house.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"intact" -> "unchanged"
Explanation: "Intact" typically refers to something that is undamaged or unaltered. In this context, "unchanged" better communicates the idea that the beach size remained the same over time.
"cater for" -> "accommodate"
Explanation: "Cater for" is a commonly used phrase, but "accommodate" is a more precise and formal term, suitable for academic or professional writing.
"in the year 1950" -> "in 1950"
Explanation: Omitting "the year" makes the sentence more concise without sacrificing clarity.
"dual carriageway" -> "dual carriageways"
Explanation: Plural form is needed here because the sentence refers to two separate roads.
"Situated to the south of the beachfront" -> "To the south of the beachfront"
Explanation: Removing "Situated" reduces redundancy and streamlines the sentence structure.
"certain erections" -> "various structures"
Explanation: "Certain erections" may be ambiguous or inappropriate in some contexts. "Various structures" is a more neutral and descriptive term.
"eating establishment" -> "restaurant"
Explanation: "Eating establishment" is a bit formal and vague. "Restaurant" is a clearer and more common term.
"close proximity" -> "near"
Explanation: "Close proximity" is redundant, as "proximity" already implies closeness. Using "near" is more concise and effective.
"adjoining the light house" -> "adjacent to the lighthouse"
Explanation: "Adjoining" can be less precise than "adjacent to." "Adjacent to" more clearly indicates proximity without necessarily implying physical attachment.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by comparing the beachfront area in Australia in 1950 and the present day. It provides an overview of the changes that have occurred, including the addition of new facilities and the extension of roads. Key features such as the pavilion, pools, car parks, and recreational areas are highlighted in both time periods. However, some details may be inaccurate or unclear, such as the description of the surf clubs and the size of the new pool.
How to improve: To improve, ensure accuracy and clarity in describing the changes and features of the beachfront area. Avoid vague language such as "certain erections" and provide precise information about the size and location of new facilities. Additionally, maintain consistency in the level of detail provided for both time periods to enhance coherence and cohesion in the essay.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organization and logical progression of ideas, with a coherent structure that effectively presents the information. The introduction sets up the comparison between the beachfront areas in 1950 and today, providing a clear overview. The body paragraphs follow a logical sequence, starting with the description of the 1950 beachfront and then moving on to the recent developments. Within paragraphs, there is a clear focus on specific features of the beachfront, such as roads, facilities, and landmarks, enhancing the coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure consistency in referencing and avoid ambiguous pronoun usage to improve clarity. Lastly, pay attention to paragraphing to maintain a logical flow of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the transformation of the beachfront area.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, including some less common lexical items and varied sentence structures. There is an attempt to convey precise meanings and convey ideas with flexibility. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. For example, "intact" is used correctly but could have been replaced with a more diverse synonym to enhance lexical range. Also, there are minor inaccuracies in word usage, such as "certain erections" which could be more clearly expressed.
How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. Pay attention to word choice and ensure that less common lexical items are used accurately. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can also enhance the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing some variety in structure. There is an attempt at using descriptive language and transitions to convey the changes in the beachfront area. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as missing articles ("an unspecified zone fronting an Australian beach"), awkward phrasing ("regarding the northernmost part of the examined area"), and inconsistent tense usage ("has transformed" and "recently"). Despite these errors, the essay manages to convey the main points with clarity.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using more varied sentence structures and ensuring consistency in tense usage throughout the essay. Pay attention to article usage and phrasing to enhance clarity. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation before final submission can help improve the overall accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams depict the evolution of a coastal area adjacent to an Australian beach over the period spanning from 1950 to the present day. In general, while the expanse of the beach itself has remained unchanged, significant advancements have been made to the tourist infrastructure, aimed at accommodating a growing number of visitors.

In the year 1950, the northern section of the surveyed area featured a dual carriageway. One branch of this roadway extended westward towards a city, while the other led to a parking facility. Adjacent to the parking area, there was a pavilion, along with dining areas and a recreational zone for children. Positioned to the south of the beachfront were two identical 25-meter swimming pools, situated in the western and eastern regions respectively.

In recent times, notable developments have occurred in the northern segment of the coastline. These include the extension of the road towards the southern direction, terminating at the lighthouse positioned at the southeast corner. Moreover, the previous recreational area has been repurposed into an additional parking lot. Furthermore, towards the southern end, an eatery and a surf club have been established in close proximity to the expanded swimming pool, which has now doubled in size. Additionally, an additional surf club has been erected adjacent to the lighthouse.