The maps below show a bookstore in 2000 and now.
The maps below show a bookstore in 2000 and now.
The maps illustrate how a bookstore has changed from 2000 to the present. Overall, it is clear that the bookstore has undergone significant changes in terms of its functions and layout. Moreover, these changes focus on the center and the top of the maps.
In 2000, there were fiction shelves that stretched to the right at the top of the map, and another shelf was located in the top right corner. Now, the former fiction shelves have been replaced by four different rooms, including art, hobbies, cookery, and a fiction area, respectively. The latter fiction shelf has been demolished to make way for a non-fiction section.
In the past, the entrance was located in the left center of the map, and next to it, there was a travel room. The service desk was situated in the southwest of the map, and there was a new books area between them. Until now, all these areas have remained unchanged.
In the center of the bookstore, there are three tables surrounded by seats. Previously, there was an area that displayed art, hobbies, and cookery books. Below this area, there was a non-fiction section in 2000. Today, these areas have been knocked down to build a café.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Overall, it is clear that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and precise alternative to "it is clear that," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"significant changes" -> "substantial transformations"
Explanation: "Substantial transformations" conveys a more precise and formal tone than "significant changes," which is somewhat vague and common. -
"focus on the center and the top of the maps" -> "emphasize the central and upper regions of the maps"
Explanation: "Emphasize the central and upper regions" is more specific and formal, improving the academic tone by avoiding the colloquial "focus on the center and the top of the maps." -
"there were fiction shelves" -> "there existed fiction shelves"
Explanation: "There existed" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "there were," which can sound too casual. -
"Now, the former fiction shelves have been replaced" -> "Currently, the original fiction shelves have been supplanted"
Explanation: "Currently" and "supplanted" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"the latter fiction shelf has been demolished" -> "the previously mentioned fiction shelf has been dismantled"
Explanation: "The previously mentioned fiction shelf" clarifies the reference, and "dismantled" is a more precise term than "demolished," which might imply complete destruction. -
"make way for" -> "to accommodate"
Explanation: "To accommodate" is a more formal and precise term than "make way for," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"Until now, all these areas have remained unchanged" -> "These areas have persisted unchanged to date"
Explanation: "These areas have persisted unchanged to date" is more formal and avoids the casual tone of "Until now," aligning better with academic style. -
"there are three tables surrounded by seats" -> "there are three tables with seating"
Explanation: "With seating" is a more concise and formal way to describe the presence of seats, improving the academic tone. -
"knocked down" -> "demolished"
Explanation: "Demolished" is a more formal and precise term than "knocked down," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
These changes enhance the formality and precision of the language, aligning it more closely with academic standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the changes in the bookstore from 2000 to the present by describing the layout and functions of various sections. However, it lacks a comprehensive overview of all significant changes and does not adequately compare the two maps. For instance, while it mentions the transformation of fiction shelves into different rooms, it fails to highlight the overall impact of these changes on the bookstore’s layout and customer experience.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed. This includes providing a more thorough comparison of the two maps, discussing not only what has changed but also the implications of these changes. A clearer structure that includes an introduction, a summary of changes, and specific comparisons would enhance the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position regarding the changes in the bookstore, indicating that significant changes have occurred. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The descriptions of changes are somewhat disjointed, and there is no clear thesis statement that encapsulates the main argument or perspective on the changes.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should formulate a strong thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points of discussion. Additionally, each paragraph should link back to this thesis, ensuring that all descriptions and analyses support the central argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the changes in the bookstore but lacks depth and development. For example, while it mentions the replacement of fiction shelves with different rooms, it does not elaborate on how these changes might affect customers or the bookstore’s function. The supporting details are minimal, and there is little analysis of the significance of the changes.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve discussing the reasons behind the changes, their potential impact on customers, or how they reflect broader trends in bookstores. Incorporating examples or hypothetical scenarios could also strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the changes in the bookstore. However, there are moments where the descriptions become repetitive or lack clarity, which can detract from the overall coherence of the response. For instance, the mention of unchanged areas feels somewhat disconnected from the main focus on changes.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should prioritize discussing changes and their implications rather than reiterating unchanged aspects. A more structured approach, perhaps by categorizing changes into sections (e.g., layout changes, functional changes), could help keep the essay on topic and enhance clarity.
Overall, the essay would benefit from a more structured approach, deeper analysis, and clearer connections between ideas to achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a logical sequence, moving from a general overview of the changes to specific details about the layout of the bookstore. The introduction effectively sets the stage by summarizing the main changes, while subsequent paragraphs delve into specific areas of the bookstore, such as the fiction shelves and the entrance. This clear progression aids the reader in understanding the transformations over time.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between sections. For instance, when shifting from discussing the fiction shelves to the entrance area, phrases like "In addition to these changes" or "Furthermore" could help signal the transition and maintain coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the bookstore’s changes. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second details the changes in the fiction area, the third discusses the entrance and service desk, and the fourth describes the center of the bookstore. This structure supports clarity and allows the reader to follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, starting the second paragraph with a sentence like "The most notable changes occurred in the fiction section" would provide a clearer focus for the reader.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "now," "previously," and "in the past," which help to indicate time and sequence. Additionally, the use of "including" and "respectively" effectively clarifies the relationships between different elements in the bookstore’s layout.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases. For instance, using "however" to contrast the past and present or "on the other hand" when discussing the changes in the café area could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, employing pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned elements can help reduce repetition and improve cohesion.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization, effective paragraphing, and appropriate use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly when describing the changes in the bookstore. Phrases such as "significant changes," "fiction shelves," and "non-fiction section" indicate a good grasp of relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "shelves" and "section," which could have been varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "shelves," alternatives like "displays" or "racks" could have been employed.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. This could involve using a thesaurus to identify alternative words that convey similar meanings. Additionally, integrating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text. For example, instead of saying "new books area," the phrase could be expanded to "dedicated area for new arrivals."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the latter fiction shelf has been demolished" could be misleading; "demolished" typically refers to buildings or large structures rather than shelves. A more appropriate term might be "removed" or "replaced."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which certain words are used. It is essential to choose words that accurately reflect the changes being described. For example, instead of "demolished," using "removed" or "converted" would convey the intended meaning more effectively. Additionally, reviewing the definitions of words before using them can help ensure that they fit the context appropriately.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors that detract from the overall clarity of the writing. Words such as "illustrate," "significant," and "cookery" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid understanding of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises and spelling quizzes. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch any minor errors that may have been overlooked. Utilizing spell-check tools can also assist in identifying potential mistakes, although reliance solely on technology should be avoided.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, choosing words more carefully, and continuing to practice spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Moreover, these changes focus on the center and the top of the maps" effectively conveys additional information while maintaining clarity. The author also employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps to create a natural flow. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "there was" in describing the past layout could be diversified with alternative constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex clauses and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "there was," the writer could use phrases like "The layout featured…" or "An area dedicated to…" to introduce new information. Additionally, using passive voice strategically could add variety, such as "The fiction shelves were replaced by…" instead of "the former fiction shelves have been replaced by…"
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the latter fiction shelf has been demolished" is correctly structured, but the use of "has been" could be reconsidered for consistency with the past tense used throughout the essay. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "including" in the list of new rooms.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should ensure consistent verb tenses throughout the essay. If the essay describes changes from 2000 to the present, it may be more effective to use the past tense when discussing the original layout and the present tense when describing the current layout. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for lists and consider using commas to separate items clearly. For example, "including art, hobbies, cookery, and a fiction area" could be clearer with a comma before "and" to indicate the final item in the list.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and maintaining consistent grammatical forms, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
The maps illustrate how a bookstore has changed from 2000 to the present. Overall, it is evident that the bookstore has undergone significant changes in terms of its functions and layout. Moreover, these changes emphasize the central and upper regions of the maps.
In 2000, there existed fiction shelves that stretched to the right at the top of the map, and another shelf was located in the top right corner. Currently, the original fiction shelves have been supplanted by four different rooms, including art, hobbies, cookery, and a fiction area, respectively. The previously mentioned fiction shelf has been demolished to accommodate a non-fiction section.
In the past, the entrance was located in the left center of the map, and next to it, there was a travel room. The service desk was situated in the southwest of the map, and there was a new books area between them. To date, all these areas have persisted unchanged.
In the center of the bookstore, there are three tables with seating. Previously, there was an area that displayed art, hobbies, and cookery books. Below this area, there was a non-fiction section in 2000. Today, these areas have been knocked down to build a café.