The maps below show a bookstore in 2000 and now.

The pictures illustrate the changes of one bookstore since 2000.

As can be seen, this bookstore hasn't had many changes over the years. A coffee shop was added in the middle of the map, replacing the non-fiction book area. However, this area of non-fiction books is not being eliminated, it is just being moved to another place. Other themed book areas also did not move too far away, they are also located nearby.

In 2000, the wall left of the entrance was dedicated to fiction. Meanwhile, in the middle of the map were three rows of books, with types of art, hobbies and cookery. However, in the present, the space of the fiction genre is narrowed down to add more genres of art, hobbies, and cookery. In the south of the map, the genre of non-fiction was replaced to the genre of fiction at the east of the map and removed a genre of fiction. In the space where the three rows of books used to be are now three sets of tables and chairs.

In the west of the map, the genre of travel and other new books haven't changed over the years. Same as those types of books, in the southwest of the map, service desk have remained unchanged.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pictures illustrate the changes of one bookstore since 2000." -> "The photographs depict the transformations of a bookstore since 2000."
Explanation: Replacing "illustrate" with "depict" and "one bookstore" with "a bookstore" enhances the formality and specificity of the language, aligning it better with academic style.
"As can be seen" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "As can be seen" is somewhat informal and vague. "It is evident that" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"this bookstore hasn’t had many changes" -> "this bookstore has undergone limited changes"
Explanation: "Hasn’t had" is informal and conversational; "has undergone limited changes" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic tone.
"A coffee shop was added in the middle of the map" -> "A coffee shop has been introduced in the central area"
Explanation: "Added" is somewhat casual; "introduced" is more formal and precise. "In the middle of the map" is vague; "in the central area" is clearer and more specific.
"replacing the non-fiction book area" -> "displacing the non-fiction section"
Explanation: "Replacing" is correct but can be replaced with "displacing" to enhance the formality. "Book area" is informal; "section" is more specific and formal.
"However, this area of non-fiction books is not being eliminated" -> "However, the non-fiction section has not been eliminated"
Explanation: "This area of non-fiction books" is redundant; "the non-fiction section" is more concise and formal.
"it is just being moved to another place" -> "it has simply been relocated"
Explanation: "It is just being moved" is informal and vague; "it has simply been relocated" is more formal and precise.
"they are also located nearby" -> "they remain proximal"
Explanation: "They are also located nearby" is redundant and informal; "they remain proximal" is concise and maintains an academic tone.
"the space of the fiction genre is narrowed down" -> "the fiction section has been reduced"
Explanation: "The space of the fiction genre" is awkward and unclear; "the fiction section has been reduced" is direct and formal.
"to add more genres of art, hobbies, and cookery" -> "to accommodate additional genres of art, hobbies, and cookery"
Explanation: "To add more" is informal; "to accommodate additional" is more precise and formal.
"In the space where the three rows of books used to be are now three sets of tables and chairs." -> "The area formerly occupied by three rows of books now accommodates three sets of tables and chairs."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the structure and maintains a formal tone.
"Same as those types of books" -> "Similarly, the types of books"
Explanation: "Same as those types of books" is informal and repetitive; "Similarly, the types of books" is more concise and formal.
"service desk have remained unchanged" -> "the service desk has remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Have" should be "has" for subject-verb agreement, and "the service desk" is more specific than "service desk."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes in the bookstore. It presents information appropriately selected, highlighting key features such as the addition of a coffee shop and the relocation of the non-fiction book area. However, the essay lacks clarity in some areas, particularly in the second paragraph, where the description of the changes in the book genres is somewhat confusing and lacks a clear overview.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer and more concise overview of the changes in the bookstore. The writer could also use more precise language to describe the changes, avoiding vague terms like "nearby" and "narrowed down." Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that focus on specific changes, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the changes in the bookstore but lacks a clear overall progression. While some organization is evident, the ideas are not always logically connected, leading to confusion in understanding the changes described. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, with instances of both inadequate and repetitive usage. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some paragraphs do not clearly separate distinct ideas or themes.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating a clearer structure with logical progression between ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring that each paragraph presents a distinct topic. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will help avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the bookstore, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice and some awkward phrases (e.g., "the genre of non-fiction was replaced to the genre of fiction"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "service desk have remained unchanged," which should be "service desk has remained unchanged." Overall, the lexical resource does not meet the criteria for a higher band score due to these limitations.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more specific terms related to the topic. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and collocation will improve clarity and precision. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will help eliminate errors that impede communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, they do not significantly impede communication. The writer attempts to describe the changes in the bookstore effectively, but there are instances of unclear or incorrect sentence structures, such as "the genre of non-fiction was replaced to the genre of fiction" and "service desk have remained unchanged," which detract from overall clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and ensure they are grammatically correct. For example, instead of "the genre of non-fiction was replaced to the genre of fiction," it could be revised to "the non-fiction section was replaced by the fiction section."
Error Reduction: Aim for more error-free sentences by proofreading for grammatical mistakes and ensuring subject-verb agreement, as seen in "service desk have remained unchanged," which should be "the service desk has remained unchanged."
Clarity and Cohesion: Improve the flow of ideas by using cohesive devices more effectively, which will help in making the essay easier to read and understand.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pictures illustrate the changes in one bookstore since 2000.

As can be seen, this bookstore has not undergone many changes over the years. A coffee shop has been added in the middle of the map, replacing the non-fiction book area. However, the non-fiction section has not been eliminated; it has simply been relocated to another area. Other themed book sections have also not moved too far away, as they remain located nearby.

In 2000, the wall to the left of the entrance was dedicated to fiction. Meanwhile, in the center of the map, there were three rows of books, featuring genres such as art, hobbies, and cookery. In the present layout, the space for the fiction genre has been reduced to accommodate more genres of art, hobbies, and cookery. In the southern part of the map, the non-fiction genre has been replaced by fiction in the eastern section, resulting in the removal of one fiction genre. The area that previously housed the three rows of books now contains three sets of tables and chairs.

In the western part of the map, the travel genre and other new books have remained unchanged over the years. Similarly, in the southwestern section of the map, the service desk has also remained unchanged.