The maps below show a town centre in 1990 and the same town centre today.

The given diagrams illustrate the modification of Town Center over 30 years ago and now.
Generally, while some facilities still remain, the area has significant changes in almost all infrastructures comprising a variety of accommodations, more shops as well as a changing transport system.
Looking first at the chart, it is clear that the center region including park, library and town hall is still unchanged throughout 3 decades.In the opposite side, meanwhile the childcare center is remained , number of shops including newsagent’s, grocer’s, baker’s, butcher’s and cafe were flatten and replaced by a huge shopping mall. Moreover, Smith street applies a change of use to turn the motorway into a pedestrian zone.
For the Eastern part of the map, a bank was altered by a new cafe and a pedestrian cross was added between it and town hall.
Another noticeable feature is the complete replacement of residential facilities. Houses were used by residents in 1990, but they were knocked down and new apartment blocks were constructed in place of them. Finally, a added cross in Green Street connect the the Town hall to the apartment blocks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Town Center over 30 years ago" -> "Town Center thirty years ago"
Explanation: Using "thirty" instead of "over" enhances the formality and precision of the time reference, aligning better with academic style.
"the area has significant changes" -> "the area has undergone significant changes"
Explanation: Adding "undergone" clarifies the verb tense and provides a more formal expression, indicating that the changes occurred over a period of time.
"a variety of accommodations" -> "a range of residential facilities"
Explanation: Replacing "accommodations" with "residential facilities" specifies the type of structures being referred to, enhancing clarity and formality.
"more shops" -> "additional retail establishments"
Explanation: "Additional retail establishments" is more precise and formal than "more shops," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the center region including park, library and town hall is still unchanged" -> "the central region, including the park, library, and town hall, remains unchanged"
Explanation: Adding commas for clarity and using "remains" instead of "is still" improves the sentence structure and formality.
"the childcare center is remained" -> "the childcare center remains"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense from "is remained" to "remains" fixes a grammatical error and maintains consistency with the past tense used elsewhere in the text.
"number of shops including newsagent’s, grocer’s, baker’s, butcher’s and cafe were flatten and replaced" -> "numerous shops, including newsagents, grocers, bakers, butchers, and cafes, were flattened and replaced"
Explanation: Correcting the possessive forms ("newsagent’s" to "newsagents") and using "numerous" instead of "number of" enhances formality and readability. Also, "flatten" should be "flattened" to correct the verb form.
"a huge shopping mall" -> "a large shopping mall"
Explanation: "Large" is a more appropriate and less colloquial term than "huge" in formal academic writing.
"Smith street applies a change of use" -> "Smith Street undergoes a change of use"
Explanation: Using "undergoes" instead of "applies" correctly reflects the passive action of the street changing its use, which is more appropriate in this context.
"a pedestrian zone" -> "a pedestrianized zone"
Explanation: "Pedestrianized" is the correct term for areas designed for pedestrian use, enhancing precision and formality.
"a bank was altered by a new cafe" -> "a bank was replaced by a new cafe"
Explanation: "Was replaced" is a more accurate description of the action, indicating that the bank was removed and replaced by the cafe.
"a added cross in Green Street connect the the Town hall to the apartment blocks" -> "an additional crossing in Green Street connects the Town Hall to the apartment blocks"
Explanation: Correcting "a added" to "an additional" and "connects" to "connect" fixes grammatical errors and improves formality. Also, "Town Hall" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific institution.

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the descriptions, aligning the text more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in the town centre, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences in the town centre. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features of the maps. For example, the essay does not mention the addition of a pedestrian crossing on Green Street.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the town centre. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features of the maps in more detail. For example, the essay could mention the addition of a pedestrian crossing on Green Street. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes in the town centre. For example, instead of saying that the houses were "knocked down," the essay could say that the houses were "demolished."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes in the town center, the ideas are not always logically arranged, leading to confusion in understanding the sequence of changes. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "the opposite side" and "meanwhile," which do not effectively link the ideas. Additionally, there are instances of repetition and unclear referencing, which detract from the overall coherence. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped or separated for clarity.

How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on organizing the information in a more logical sequence, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. They should also work on using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, clarifying references and avoiding repetition will help create a more coherent and cohesive essay. Finally, reviewing the structure of paragraphs to ensure they are logically grouped will contribute to a better overall progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the modification of Town Center" instead of "the changes in the Town Center" and "the area has significant changes" which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "flatten" instead of "flattened" and "a added cross" instead of "an added cross." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct word forms and collocations, as well as minimizing spelling errors. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions could elevate the essay’s quality. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and seeking feedback on word choice can also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the childcare center is remained" and "a added cross in Green Street connect the the Town hall" exhibit incorrect verb forms and subject-verb agreement errors. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, detract from the overall clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. It is also essential to proofread for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes to ensure that sentences are clear and error-free. Practicing the correct forms of verbs and ensuring subject-verb agreement will help improve overall accuracy. Engaging with more advanced grammar resources and writing exercises can further develop the writer’s skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagrams illustrate the modifications of the Town Center over the past 30 years. Generally, while some facilities remain, the area has undergone significant changes in almost all infrastructures, including a variety of accommodations, more shops, and a transformed transport system.

Looking first at the charts, it is clear that the central region, which includes the park, library, and town hall, has remained unchanged over the three decades. In contrast, although the childcare center is still present, the number of shops, including the newsagent’s, grocer’s, baker’s, butcher’s, and café, has decreased and been replaced by a large shopping mall. Moreover, Smith Street has undergone a change of use, converting the motorway into a pedestrian zone.

In the eastern part of the map, a bank has been replaced by a new café, and a pedestrian crossing has been added between it and the town hall. Another noticeable feature is the complete replacement of residential facilities. Houses that were occupied by residents in 1990 have been demolished, and new apartment blocks have been constructed in their place. Finally, an additional crossing on Green Street connects the town hall to the apartment blocks.