The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given maps delineate an industrial area nestled in Norbiton and its future improvement.
Overall, the first image describes the place as an area which is used for industrial purposes only. Notably, those will soon be changed to other facilities that is mainly served for accommodation.
In the current area, there's a straight goes from the West to the East which lead to the town next to it. It also connect to a roundabout along the river that is known as dematcation to the farmland. Furthermore, the place is filled with multiple factories located around it.
However, in the future, most of the factories will be eliminated and reused, particularly for citizens to live. The main roads will be also opened in order to give access to other facilities such as playground, school and so on. These roads are also include a bridge that cut through the river and connect to the farmland. Furthermore, there are also noticeable changes in facility when there are going to be shops and medical centres near the roundabout.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given maps delineate" -> "The provided maps depict"
Explanation: "Delineate" is somewhat formal but can be vague in this context. "Depict" is more specific and commonly used in academic writing to describe visual representations like maps.
"an industrial area nestled in Norbiton" -> "an industrial zone located in Norbiton"
Explanation: "Nestled" is an informal and slightly poetic term; "located" is more precise and appropriate for formal descriptions of geographical locations.
"those will soon be changed" -> "these areas will soon be repurposed"
Explanation: "Those" is vague and informal; "these areas" specifies the subject more clearly, and "repurposed" is a more formal term than "changed."
"that is mainly served for accommodation" -> "primarily designed for residential purposes"
Explanation: "Served for" is awkward and unclear; "primarily designed for residential purposes" is more precise and formal, specifying the intended use.
"there’s a straight goes from the West to the East" -> "there is a straight road running from west to east"
Explanation: "There’s" is a contraction and informal; "there is" is formal, and "running" is more precise than "goes" in describing the direction of a road.
"which lead to the town next to it" -> "which leads to the adjacent town"
Explanation: "Lead" is incorrect in this context; "leads" is the singular form needed here. "Adjacent" is more formal and specific than "next to."
"It also connect to a roundabout along the river that is known as dematcation to the farmland" -> "It also connects to a roundabout along the river, which serves as a demarcation to the farmland"
Explanation: "Connects" is the correct verb form, and "serves as a demarcation" is more precise and formal than "is known as dematcation."
"the place is filled with multiple factories" -> "the area is dominated by numerous factories"
Explanation: "Filled with" is somewhat informal and vague; "dominated by" is more precise and formal, indicating a strong presence of factories.
"will be eliminated and reused" -> "will be repurposed"
Explanation: "Eliminated and reused" is redundant; "repurposed" is a single term that encompasses both ideas, making it more concise and formal.
"for citizens to live" -> "for residential purposes"
Explanation: "For citizens to live" is informal and vague; "for residential purposes" is more formal and specific.
"The main roads will be also opened" -> "The main roads will also be opened"
Explanation: "Will be also" is grammatically incorrect; "will also be" is the correct conjunction.
"give access to other facilities such as playground, school and so on" -> "provide access to facilities such as playgrounds, schools, and others"
Explanation: "Give access" is less formal; "provide access" is more appropriate in formal writing. Also, "and so on" is informal; "and others" is more formal.
"These roads are also include a bridge" -> "These roads also include a bridge"
Explanation: "Are also include" is grammatically incorrect; "also include" is the correct form.
"cut through the river and connect to the farmland" -> "span the river and connect to the farmland"
Explanation: "Cut through" is informal and imprecise; "span" is more formal and accurate for describing bridges.
"there are also noticeable changes in facility" -> "there are also notable changes in facilities"
Explanation: "Changes in facility" is grammatically incorrect; "changes in facilities" is the correct plural form, and "notable" is more formal than "noticeable."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing a basic overview of the changes in the industrial area. However, the essay lacks a clear and concise overview of the main trends or differences between the two maps. The essay also focuses on details rather than highlighting the key features of the development.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes, highlighting the key features of the development, and using more precise language to describe the changes. For example, the essay could state that the industrial area is being transformed into a residential area with a focus on community facilities. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes, such as the number of factories that will be replaced by housing units or the types of shops and medical centers that will be built.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but it lacks overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to describe the current and future states of the industrial area, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the overall coherence of the text. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, making it difficult for the reader to follow the structure of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing ideas and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately will help connect sentences and ideas more effectively. Improving paragraphing by clearly separating the current state and future developments will also aid in clarity. Lastly, revising for grammatical accuracy and clarity in expression will strengthen the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the maps and their changes, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "the first image describes the place as an area which is used for industrial purposes only" could be more effectively expressed). Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "dematcation" should be "demarcation," and "is mainly served" should be "mainly serving"). These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to urban planning and development. Practicing the use of less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocation will also help. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors before submission can improve clarity and coherence. Engaging with higher-level texts and practicing paraphrasing can further develop lexical flexibility and sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. While there are some correct simple sentences, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "those will soon be changed" and "the main roads will be also opened" reflect awkward constructions and incorrect word order. Additionally, errors such as "that is mainly served for accommodation" and "there’s a straight goes" indicate a lack of control over grammatical forms. Overall, the essay communicates the main ideas but is hindered by these inaccuracies.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following strategies:

Practice Complex Sentences: Work on constructing complex sentences correctly, ensuring that clauses are properly linked and that subject-verb agreement is maintained.
Proofreading: After writing, take time to review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This can help identify and correct mistakes before submission.
Expand Vocabulary: A broader vocabulary can facilitate the use of varied sentence structures, making it easier to express ideas accurately and fluently.
Grammar Exercises: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to strengthen understanding of sentence structure, punctuation, and common grammatical errors.
By implementing these strategies, the writer can improve their grammatical accuracy and range, potentially raising their band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps delineate an industrial area nestled in Norbiton and its planned future development. Overall, the first image describes the area as one that is currently used solely for industrial purposes. Notably, this will soon be transformed into other facilities primarily intended for accommodation.

In the current area, there is a straight road that runs from the west to the east, leading to the neighboring town. It also connects to a roundabout along the river, which serves as a demarcation point for the farmland. Furthermore, the area is filled with multiple factories situated around it.

However, in the future, most of the factories will be eliminated and repurposed, particularly for residential use. The main roads will also be opened to provide access to other facilities such as a playground, school, and more. These roads will include a bridge that crosses the river and connects to the farmland. Additionally, there will be noticeable changes in facilities, with shops and medical centers planned near the roundabout.