The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps illustrate a clear comparison of an industrial area located in Norbiton town before and after a development due to the planned design conducted by the government.
Overall, the area in the town will be modernized with the emergence of various infrastructures, as well as the expansion of available facilities with additional functions.
In terms of significant changes, the pathway in the center of the area will be expanded with two more branches. A branch will be across the river connecting the mainland to the farmland on the opposite of the river bank The other will be expanded to the Northwestern side of the map adjacent to the Norbiton town. The housing accommodations which surround the main road will be reordered along the way to two new branches with the bigger one on the site of the farmland. A new playground for kids will be constructed between two accommodations. Additionally, on the opposite site of those complexes will lie a large housing in the place where two ones used to be. A school at the end of the eastern branch of the road along with a row of shops on the Southwestern side of the circle road will be erected at the expense of housing accommodations.
Regarding the minor alterations, a new roundabout will be built on the southern part of the road. Moreover, a medical care system will be erected on the Southeastern part of the area which is between two roundabouts.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"planned design conducted by the government" -> "planned design implemented by the government"
Explanation: The term "conducted" is less precise in this context, suggesting activity rather than a deliberate plan. "Implemented" better conveys the intended meaning of putting a plan into action, which is more appropriate for formal and academic writing.
"will be modernized" -> "will undergo modernization"
Explanation: "Will be modernized" is somewhat vague and informal. "Will undergo modernization" is more precise and formal, indicating a process of change.
"emergence of various infrastructures" -> "installation of various infrastructures"
Explanation: "Emergence" is less specific and can imply a natural occurrence rather than a deliberate action. "Installation" is more accurate and formal, indicating the intentional placement of structures.
"available facilities with additional functions" -> "facilities with expanded functions"
Explanation: "Available facilities" is redundant and less specific. "Facilities with expanded functions" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"A branch will be across the river" -> "A bridge will be constructed across the river"
Explanation: "A branch" is unclear and could be misinterpreted. "A bridge" is the correct term for a structure over a river, and specifying "constructed" clarifies the action.
"The other will be expanded to the Northwestern side" -> "The other branch will be extended to the Northwestern side"
Explanation: "The other" is vague and lacks specificity. "The other branch" clarifies which branch is being discussed, and "extended" is more precise than "expanded" in this context.
"The housing accommodations which surround the main road will be reordered" -> "The housing units surrounding the main road will be rearranged"
Explanation: "Accommodations" is less formal and can be ambiguous; "units" is more precise and formal. "Rearranged" is a more appropriate verb than "reordered" for describing the reorganization of housing.
"A new playground for kids" -> "A children’s playground"
Explanation: "For kids" is informal and less specific. "Children’s playground" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"on the opposite site of those complexes" -> "opposite the complexes"
Explanation: "On the opposite site" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Opposite the complexes" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"A school at the end of the eastern branch" -> "A school located at the eastern terminus of the road"
Explanation: "At the end of the eastern branch" is vague and less formal. "Located at the eastern terminus of the road" provides a precise and formal description of the school’s position.
"a row of shops on the Southwestern side of the circle road" -> "a row of shops situated on the Southwestern side of the circular road"
Explanation: "Situated" is more formal than "on," and "circular" is more precise than "circle," which is a less formal term.
"at the expense of housing accommodations" -> "in place of existing housing"
Explanation: "At the expense of" can imply a negative connotation. "In place of existing housing" is neutral and clearer, indicating replacement without negative implication.
"a new roundabout will be built on the southern part of the road" -> "a new roundabout will be constructed on the southern portion of the road"
Explanation: "Built" is less formal and less specific than "constructed," which is more precise and formal. "Portion" is also more specific than "part."
"a medical care system will be erected" -> "a healthcare facility will be established"
Explanation: "Erected" is less specific and can imply a physical structure only. "Established" is broader and more appropriate for a healthcare facility, which encompasses a range of services and infrastructure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes to the industrial area. It also presents some key features, such as the expansion of the pathway and the construction of a school and medical centre. However, the essay does not fully highlight all the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the housing accommodations will be reordered along the way to two new branches, but this is not clear from the maps. Additionally, the essay mentions a playground being constructed between two accommodations, but this is not shown on the maps.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes, highlighting all the key features, and ensuring that all details are accurate and relevant. The writer should also avoid making assumptions about the changes, and instead focus on reporting the information presented in the maps.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the description of changes. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of awkward phrasing and mechanical cohesion that detract from the overall flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity. The essay does present a central topic within each paragraph, but the transitions between points could be smoother.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by grouping related information together in paragraphs. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between sentences and ideas are more fluid would help. Clarifying references and avoiding repetitive phrases will also contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, which is appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "modernized," "infrastructures," and "accommodations," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the emergence of various infrastructures" and "the opposite of the river bank." There are also some errors in word formation and minor spelling issues, such as "accommodations" instead of "accommodation" when referring to housing. These errors do not severely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This can be achieved by practicing the use of synonyms and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, reviewing and revising for spelling and word formation errors will help improve clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and reducing repetition will also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, but these do not significantly impede communication. The essay generally conveys the intended information, but the errors present indicate a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy and range.
How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of complex structures and ensure that sentences are error-free. This can be achieved by proofreading for grammatical mistakes and practicing the use of more sophisticated sentence forms. Additionally, improving punctuation usage will help clarify meaning and enhance overall readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps illustrate a clear comparison of an industrial area located in the town of Norbiton before and after a development planned by the government. Overall, the area will be modernized with the emergence of various infrastructures and the expansion of available facilities with additional functions.

In terms of significant changes, the pathway in the center of the area will be expanded to include two additional branches. One branch will cross the river, connecting the mainland to the farmland on the opposite bank. The other will extend to the northwestern side of the map, adjacent to Norbiton town. The housing accommodations surrounding the main road will be reorganized along the new branches, with the larger one situated on the site of the farmland. A new playground for children will be constructed between the two accommodations. Additionally, on the opposite side of these complexes, a large housing unit will replace the two smaller ones that previously existed. A school will be established at the end of the eastern branch of the road, along with a row of shops on the southwestern side of the circular road, which will be built at the expense of housing accommodations.

Regarding minor alterations, a new roundabout will be constructed in the southern part of the road. Moreover, a medical care facility will be established in the southeastern part of the area, situated between the two roundabouts.