The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.

The given diagrams illustrate the town of Norbition area and a future development plan for it.

Overall, it can be seen that the town will be transformed from industrial area to an area that provide more complex facilities and housing for residents.

First, all the factory will be replaced by houses which locate near the central circyle paths.
On the north side, the town will be opened with the road that comes from the centre, cross the river, and ends up at the newly large residental area at the farm land. Meanwhile, there will be added another short path on the west side, constructing several shops on the left and 3 housings on the otherhand. On the east, the new facilities will be provided such as school, playground with 3 seperated residental areas. Lastly, there will be constructed a small circyle path on the south side and medical centre on the right-handed of the second circycle.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"provide more complex facilities" -> "offer more sophisticated amenities"
Explanation: Replacing "provide more complex facilities" with "offer more sophisticated amenities" enhances the vocabulary by using a more advanced term and adds a touch of elegance to the description.
"locate near the central circyle paths" -> "situated close to the central circular pathways"
Explanation: "locate near" can be replaced with "situated close to" for a more formal and precise description. Additionally, "circyle" should be corrected to "circular."
"large residental area at the farm land" -> "expansive residential area on the farmland"
Explanation: "large residental area" can be improved to "expansive residential area" for a more descriptive and advanced term. Additionally, "farm land" should be corrected to "farmland" for proper spelling.
"several shops on the left and 3 housings on the otherhand" -> "multiple shops on the left and three housing units on the other side"
Explanation: "several shops" can be replaced with "multiple shops" for a more precise description. Additionally, "3 housings" should be corrected to "three housing units" for proper grammar.
"playground with 3 seperated residental areas" -> "playground with three distinct residential zones"
Explanation: "3 seperated residental areas" can be improved to "three distinct residential zones" for a more sophisticated and clear description. Additionally, "seperated" should be corrected to "separated."
"small circyle path on the south side" -> "narrow circular pathway on the southern side"
Explanation: "small circyle path" can be enhanced to "narrow circular pathway" for a more detailed and advanced description. Additionally, "circyle" should be corrected to "circular."
"medical centre on the right-handed of the second circycle" -> "medical facility on the right side of the secondary circular path"
Explanation: "medical centre on the right-handed" can be improved to "medical facility on the right side" for a more formal and precise description. Additionally, "circycle" should be corrected to "circular."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by describing the current industrial area in Norbiton and the planned future development. It provides some details about the changes that will occur, such as replacing factories with houses and adding new facilities like schools and playgrounds. However, the overview is not clear, and the details are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. There is a lack of coherence in connecting the different elements of the future development plan.

How to improve: To improve the score, focus on providing a clearer overview of the main changes happening in the town of Norbiton. Ensure that the details are logically connected and presented in a more organized and structured way. Avoid unnecessary repetition and irrelevant information. Additionally, make sure to include data to support the description of the changes taking place in the town.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the industrial area in Norbiton and the planned future development, but the organization of ideas is not coherent. The progression of information is unclear, and there is no clear structure to the essay. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes inaccurate, leading to a lack of clarity in the relationships between ideas. Paragraphing is inadequate and confusing, making it difficult for the reader to follow the essay.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the information in a logical manner. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and create a smoother flow of information. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that paragraphing is done logically to help the reader navigate through the essay. Additionally, work on providing a clear overall progression of ideas to enhance the coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While the overall description of the maps is clear, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay. Additionally, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication and variety.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary to convey more precise meanings. Using a wider range of vocabulary, including more complex and specific terms related to urban planning and development, would enhance the lexical quality of the essay. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation errors will help improve overall clarity and coherence in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of structures with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as "all the factory" instead of "all the factories," "locate" instead of "located," "large residental area" instead of "large residential area," "seperated" instead of "separated," and "circycle" instead of "cycle." Punctuation is also faulty, as seen in the lack of commas in some sentences. These errors detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures and ensure that complex sentences are accurately constructed. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and punctuation to enhance the overall coherence and precision of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors before submission is crucial to avoid misunderstandings and improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams depict the industrial area of Norbiton town and the proposed future development plan for the same.

Overall, it is evident that the town is set to undergo a transformation from an industrial zone to a more diversified area offering enhanced facilities and housing options for its residents.

Initially, the factories will be replaced by residential buildings situated in close proximity to the central circular pathways. Moving towards the north, a new road will be introduced, originating from the town center, crossing the river, and terminating at the expansive residential area located on the farmland. Additionally, a shorter pathway will be constructed on the western side, featuring a cluster of shops on the left and three housing units on the right. On the eastern side, new amenities such as a school and playground will be established, along with three distinct residential zones. Lastly, a small circular pathway will be created on the southern side, with a medical center planned to be situated on the right-hand side of the second circle.

Overall, the proposed development plan showcases a comprehensive transformation of the industrial area into a more vibrant and functional space for the residents of Norbiton town.