The maps below show Hunderstone town at present and a proposed plan for it.

The given maps illustrate the current information of the Huntingdon town and its future changes.
It is clear that the area will have many significant changes in the future. Many new roads will be built, a new circuitous will be made to connect the roads and an area will be changed to an industrial estate.
Looking at the north west side of the current map, there is an airfield, which is only connected with A1 road way. But in the future, it will be replaced by an industrial estate and could be accessed by a new rail way. At the middle of the map, a new roundabout is proposed to link the Bramton road and Ring road.
On the left hand side, the Bramton road will be joined with the A1 road by a T-junction. At the south of the town, the A14 road will not be across the middle of the map anymore, the road would be connected with the Ring road and the A1 road in the south west instead.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"current information of the Huntingdon town" -> "current layout of Huntingdon town"
Explanation: "Information" is vague; "layout" provides a clearer and more specific description of what the maps depict.
"many significant changes in the future" -> "numerous substantial changes in the future"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "many," and "substantial" conveys a stronger sense of importance than "significant," enhancing the academic tone.
"a new circuitous will be made" -> "a new circuitous route will be constructed"
Explanation: "Circuitous" is an adjective and should modify a noun; "route" is the appropriate noun. "Constructed" is more formal than "made."
"an area will be changed to an industrial estate" -> "an area will be converted into an industrial estate"
Explanation: "Converted into" is a more precise and formal expression than "changed to," which enhances clarity.
"the north west side of the current map" -> "the northwest section of the current map"
Explanation: "Northwest" is a single word and "section" is more precise than "side," improving clarity and formality.
"which is only connected with A1 road way" -> "which is solely connected to the A1 roadway"
Explanation: "Solely" is more formal than "only," and "to" is the correct preposition for connection. "Roadway" is a more formal term than "road way."
"could be accessed by a new rail way" -> "will be accessible via a new railway"
Explanation: "Will be accessible" is more definitive than "could be accessed," and "via" is a more formal preposition than "by." "Railway" is the correct spelling.
"At the middle of the map" -> "In the center of the map"
Explanation: "In the center" is a more precise and formal expression than "At the middle."
"a new roundabout is proposed to link the Bramton road and Ring road" -> "a new roundabout is proposed to connect Bramton Road and Ring Road"
Explanation: "Connect" is a more formal term than "link," and proper nouns like "Bramton Road" and "Ring Road" should be capitalized for accuracy.
"the left hand side" -> "the left side"
Explanation: "Left side" is more concise and maintains formality, while "hand" is unnecessary.
"the A14 road will not be across the middle of the map anymore" -> "the A14 will no longer traverse the center of the map"
Explanation: "No longer" is more formal than "not… anymore," and "traverse" is a more precise verb than "be across."
"the road would be connected with the Ring road and the A1 road in the south west instead" -> "the road will be connected to the Ring Road and the A1 in the southwest instead"
Explanation: "Will be" is more definitive than "would be," and "to" is the correct preposition for connection. "Southwest" should be one word for accuracy.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the town, but it does not fully cover all the key features. For example, the essay mentions that the A14 road will be connected to the Ring road and the A1 road in the south-west, but it does not mention that the A14 road will be extended to the north-west of the town. The essay also does not mention that the railway will be extended to the north-west of the town.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes to the town. The essay should also include more details about the key features of the changes, such as the location of the new industrial estate and the new railway line. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the changes. For example, the essay states that the A14 road will not be across the middle of the map anymore, but this is not entirely accurate. The A14 road will still be across the middle of the map, but it will be connected to the Ring road and the A1 road in the south-west.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but it lacks overall progression. While there are attempts to describe the changes in Hunderstone town, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed narrative. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the information presented. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the ideas do not flow logically from one to the next, and there is some repetition in the descriptions.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating a clearer structure by logically organizing information and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively will help in linking ideas more smoothly. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution can reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in Hunderstone town, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication or variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "circuitous" (which is typically an adjective and not a noun) and "airfield" (which is not the most appropriate term for the context). Additionally, phrases like "the A14 road will not be across the middle of the map anymore" are awkwardly constructed, which may cause some confusion for the reader. Errors in spelling and word formation are present, such as "rail way" (which should be "railway"), and these can impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items that are relevant to the topic. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Furthermore, ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation, as well as proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors, will improve clarity and precision in conveying ideas. Engaging with more complex texts and vocabulary exercises can also aid in developing a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. Errors in grammar and punctuation are present, such as "circuitous will be made" (which should be "circuit" or "circuit road") and "the A14 road will not be across the middle of the map anymore" (which could be more clearly expressed). These errors do not severely hinder communication but do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading for common errors and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary and using more varied sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence will also help in achieving a better score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps illustrate the current layout of Huntingdon town and its proposed future changes. It is clear that the area will undergo several significant transformations in the future. Many new roads will be constructed, a new circuitous route will be established to connect these roads, and an area will be converted into an industrial estate.

Looking at the northwest side of the current map, there is an airfield that is currently only accessible via the A1 roadway. In the future, this airfield will be replaced by an industrial estate, which will be accessible through a new railway. In the middle of the map, a new roundabout is proposed to link Bramton Road and Ring Road.

On the left-hand side, Bramton Road will be connected to the A1 road via a T-junction. To the south of the town, the A14 road will no longer run through the middle of the map; instead, it will connect with Ring Road and the A1 road in the southwest.