The maps below show part of the town of Poulton in 1990 and 2021.

The maps illustrate how the town of Poulton had been developed from 1990 to 2021.

Overall, the town underwent a number of dramatic changes, the most significant of which were the development of accommodation and the supplantation of industrial facilities with other amenities to meet residential, commercial, and recreational demands.

To begin with, the housing areas were reduced in size and modernized. The most important change was the conversion of some terraced detached house lines running alongside Trent Street and Baley Street in 1990 into many high-rise flats and mansions catering for residential needs and space-saving. Besides, the former residential area at the bottom of Baley Street in 1990 was demolished and this space was used for Baley Street Park in 2021.

Regarding industrial facilities, they were replaced by commercial and recreational areas. All the facilities of industry in 1990, such as factories, wastelands, and railway workers’ cottages at the top and the bottom of the town were demolished, instead, many new amenities were erected. Firstly, a shop and laundry on the right of the map were relocated to the top right-hand corner where was the former wasteland location. Another change was the construction of a new lane, some shops, and a children’s play area at the bottom of the map after the wasteland and railway facilities were removed.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The maps illustrate how the town of Poulton had been developed" -> "The maps depict the development of Poulton town from 1990 to 2021"
Explanation: The revised phrase "depict the development of Poulton town from 1990 to 2021" is more precise and formally structured, clearly specifying the time period and the action of depiction, which enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"the town underwent a number of dramatic changes" -> "the town underwent significant transformations"
Explanation: Replacing "dramatic changes" with "significant transformations" refines the language by using a more formal term that is commonly used in academic writing to describe substantial changes.
"the supplantation of industrial facilities" -> "the replacement of industrial facilities"
Explanation: "Supplantation" is less commonly used and may be unfamiliar to some readers. "Replacement" is a more straightforward and widely recognized term that maintains the formal tone while improving clarity.
"accommodation and the supplantation of industrial facilities" -> "residential and commercial developments"
Explanation: "Residential and commercial developments" is a more specific and academically appropriate term that clearly communicates the types of changes made in the town, replacing the vague "accommodation and the supplantation of industrial facilities".
"the most important change was the conversion of some terraced detached house lines" -> "a significant change was the conversion of certain terraced house lines"
Explanation: "The most important change" is subjective and informal; "a significant change" is more objective and formal. Also, "terraced detached house lines" is redundant; "terraced house lines" is sufficient and more precise.
"many high-rise flats and mansions catering for residential needs and space-saving" -> "numerous high-rise apartments and mansions designed for residential purposes and space efficiency"
Explanation: "Catering for residential needs and space-saving" is informal and vague; "designed for residential purposes and space efficiency" is more formal and specific, improving the academic tone.
"the former residential area at the bottom of Baley Street in 1990 was demolished" -> "the residential area at the bottom of Baley Street in 1990 was demolished"
Explanation: Removing "former" avoids redundancy, as the context already implies that the area was previously residential.
"this space was used for Baley Street Park" -> "this space was converted into Baley Street Park"
Explanation: "Used for" is somewhat informal and vague; "converted into" is more precise and formal, indicating a deliberate transformation of the space.
"All the facilities of industry in 1990" -> "all industrial facilities in 1990"
Explanation: "The facilities of industry" is redundant; "industrial facilities" is a more concise and direct term that is commonly used in academic contexts.
"a shop and laundry on the right of the map were relocated" -> "a shop and laundry on the map’s right side were relocated"
Explanation: "On the right of the map" is less precise; "on the map’s right side" is clearer and more formal, improving spatial description in the text.
"where was the former wasteland location" -> "where the former wasteland was located"
Explanation: "Where was the former wasteland location" is awkwardly phrased; "where the former wasteland was located" is grammatically correct and flows better in formal writing.
"some shops, and a children’s play area at the bottom of the map" -> "shops and a children’s play area at the bottom of the map"
Explanation: Removing "some" avoids redundancy and maintains the formal tone by using the definite article "the" to specify the location.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in the town of Poulton between 1990 and 2021. It identifies the key features of the changes, such as the development of accommodation and the replacement of industrial facilities with other amenities. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the former residential area at the bottom of Baley Street in 1990 was demolished and this space was used for Baley Street Park in 2021. However, the map shows that the residential area was not demolished, but rather replaced with a park.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes and by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate information. For example, the essay could provide more information about the types of accommodation that were developed, the types of commercial and recreational areas that were created, and the specific changes that were made to the industrial facilities. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying that the housing areas were "reduced in size and modernized," the essay could say that the housing areas were "replaced with high-rise flats and mansions."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression from discussing the development of housing areas to the replacement of industrial facilities. The use of cohesive devices is effective in connecting ideas within paragraphs, but there are some instances of faulty cohesion between sentences. The essay presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, focusing on development and industrial facility replacement.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the transition between sentences is smoother to create a more seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the logical relationship between sentences to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas within and between paragraphs. Lastly, ensure that paragraphing is logical and consistent throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision in conveying the changes in the town of Poulton from 1990 to 2021. The writer uses less common lexical items such as "supplantation" and "amenities" to describe the transformation of industrial facilities into commercial and recreational areas. Additionally, the essay shows some awareness of style and collocation with phrases like "high-rise flats and mansions and "residential needs and space-saving."
How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, try incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to word choice and collocation to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Consider using synonyms or more precise terms to convey ideas more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some errors in grammar and punctuation. writer attempts to use variety of structures, but there are noticeable errors that occasionally affect clarity and communication. While the essay conveys the main ideas effectively, the errors in grammar and punctuation detract from the overall quality of the writing.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures with more accuracy. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation rules can help reduce errors and improve the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully to catch and correct any mistakes before submission is crucial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps depict the transformation of Poulton town between 1990 and 2021.

In general, significant changes occurred in the town, particularly in terms of housing development and the replacement of industrial sites with new facilities to cater to the needs of residents, businesses, and leisure activities.

Initially, the residential areas underwent a transformation, with the conversion of terraced detached houses along Trent Street and Baley Street in 1990 into high-rise flats and mansions 2021. This alteration aimed to provide modern living spaces while maximizing land utilization. Additionally, the former residential zone at the base of Baley Street in 1990 was cleared to make way for the establishment of Baley Street Park in 2021.

In terms of industrial areas, the existing facilities were replaced with commercial and recreational spaces. The factories, wastelands, and railway workers’ cottages that occupied the top and bottom sections of the town in 1990 were demolished, giving rise to new amenities. Notably, a shop and laundry facility on the right side of the map were relocated to the top right corner, where the wasteland previously existed. Furthermore, a new lane, shops, and a children’s play area were constructed at the bottom of the map after the removal of the wasteland and railway facilities.

Overall, the town of Poulton underwent significant changes over the years, reflecting a shift towards modernization and the adaptation of spaces to meet the evolving needs of its residents.