The maps below show the changes in an Art Centre from 2010 to today

The given picture describes how an Art Centre has changed from 2010 until now
Overall, what stands out from the map is that the Art Centre has seen great modernizations with more facilities for entertainment to accommodate more people
Moving on to further details, to the north of the Art Centre, the open air car park has been transformed into multipurpose car park . Besides the carpark , there has been an increase in the number of seats in the theatre from 200 to 300 seats over the period. At the same time, the cinema on the right side has been demolished to pave the way for a new art gallery
A closer look at the graph reveals that another striking change is the cafe to the south, has been reshaped from semi-rectangle to rectangle. Following this, in the right corner of the picture, the old art galleries has been flattered to make way for new cinema screens

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given picture describes how an Art Centre has changed from 2010 until now" -> "The illustration depicts the evolution of the Art Centre from 2010 to the present"
Explanation: "Illustration" is more precise and formal than "picture," and "depicts" is more academic than "describes." Additionally, "to the present" is more formal than "until now."
"has seen great modernizations" -> "has undergone significant modernization"
Explanation: "Undergone" is more precise and formal than "seen," and "significant" is more academically appropriate than "great."
"more facilities for entertainment to accommodate more people" -> "additional facilities for entertainment to accommodate increased patronage"
Explanation: "Additional facilities" is more specific than "more facilities," and "increased patronage" is a more formal and precise term than "more people."
"the open air car park has been transformed into multipurpose car park" -> "the outdoor parking lot has been converted to a multipurpose parking facility"
Explanation: "Outdoor parking lot" is more specific than "open air car park," and "converted to a multipurpose parking facility" is more formal and detailed than "transformed into multipurpose car park."
"Besides the carpark, there has been an increase in the number of seats in the theatre from 200 to 300 seats over the period." -> "In addition to the car park, the theatre has seen an increase in seating capacity from 200 to 300 seats over the period."
Explanation: "In addition to" is more formal than "besides," and "seating capacity" is a more precise term than "number of seats."
"the cinema on the right side has been demolished to pave the way for a new art gallery" -> "the cinema on the right side has been demolished to make way for a new art gallery"
Explanation: "Make way for" is a more formal and idiomatic expression than "pave the way for."
"A closer look at the graph reveals that another striking change is the cafe to the south, has been reshaped from semi-rectangle to rectangle." -> "A closer examination of the graph shows that another notable change is the cafe to the south, which has been redesigned from a semi-rectangular to a rectangular shape."
Explanation: "A closer examination" is more formal than "A closer look," and "redesigned from a semi-rectangular to a rectangular shape" is more precise and formal than "reshaped from semi-rectangle to rectangle."
"the old art galleries has been flattered to make way for new cinema screens" -> "the old art galleries have been demolished to make way for new cinema screens"
Explanation: "Have been demolished" corrects the grammatical error, and "demolished" is more precise than "flattered," which is incorrectly used here.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes in the Art Centre. It presents information appropriately selected, such as the increase in theatre seats and the transformation of the car park. However, the essay does not fully highlight all key features/bullet points. For example, it mentions the demolition of the cinema but does not explicitly state that it was replaced by an art gallery. Additionally, the essay includes some irrelevant details, such as the reshaping of the cafe, which is not a significant change.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes, highlighting all key features/bullet points and avoiding irrelevant details. The writer should also ensure that the information presented is accurate and relevant to the task. For example, instead of stating that the cafe was "reshaped," the writer could mention that it was relocated to a different position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While there are attempts to describe changes, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, making it difficult for the reader to follow the structure of the response.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs, each with a central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring that transitions between sentences and ideas are smooth will also help. Additionally, avoiding repetitive phrasing and ensuring that all references are clear will improve the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the main ideas regarding the changes in the Art Centre, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "multipurpose car park" which is awkwardly phrased, and "the old art galleries has been flattered," which contains grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, spelling errors like "carpark" (should be "car park") detract from clarity. These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in fully understanding the changes described.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more specific and varied terms related to architecture and facilities. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct word forms will help in conveying ideas more clearly. Practicing the use of synonyms and more complex sentence structures can also elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While the writer attempts to convey information about the changes in the Art Centre, there are noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation issues that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "multipurpose car park" and "the old art galleries has been flattered" contain errors that affect the overall accuracy of the writing. However, the meaning is generally clear, and the errors do not severely impede communication.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. This includes ensuring subject-verb agreement (e.g., "the old art galleries have been flattered" instead of "has been flattered") and refining sentence structure for clarity. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex sentence forms and ensuring that the majority of sentences are error-free would help elevate the score. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also contribute to improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given picture describes how an Art Centre has changed from 2010 until now. Overall, what stands out from the map is that the Art Centre has undergone significant modernization, with more facilities for entertainment to accommodate a larger number of visitors.

Moving on to further details, to the north of the Art Centre, the open-air car park has been transformed into a multipurpose car park. In addition to the car park, there has been an increase in the number of seats in the theatre, rising from 200 to 300 seats over the period. At the same time, the cinema on the right side has been demolished to make way for a new art gallery.

A closer look at the map reveals that another notable change is the café to the south, which has been reshaped from a semi-rectangle to a rectangle. Following this, in the right corner of the picture, the old art galleries have been flattened to create space for new cinema screens.