The maps below show the changes in area after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam

The maps delineate the change that took place place in the construction of a hydroelectric power dam

Overall, the construction of a hydroelectric power dam modernized with the addition of new amenities which come at the expense of forest, ancient structures, village and rare plants and animals.

Look at the left hand corner, void filled in with electricity go along the river whereas mountains stayed unchanged. To the west, Mountains Adjacent to bridge with name hydroelectric dam and lied in the middle two mountain beside. To the east, mountains Next to the electricity which has witnessed replenished void by building hotel

To the east, village in the new place took the subtitue for hotel and the river is blocked by bridge and gave its place to lake. Over the bridge has fishing activites which went on the lake while irrigated farmland demolished completely took the place of hotel. Along the west, rare plants and animals, forest, ancient structures is replaced by blanks voids.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"took place place" -> "occurred"
Explanation: "Took place place" is redundant. Replacing it with "occurred" maintains clarity and conciseness in the sentence.
"amenities which come at the expense of" -> "facilities, albeit at the cost of"
Explanation: Using "amenities" in this context may not be the most appropriate term. "Facilities" is a more suitable alternative. Additionally, "albeit at the cost of" adds sophistication to the sentence structure.
"void filled in with electricity" -> "space filled with electrical infrastructure"
Explanation: "Void filled in with electricity" is unclear and awkward. "Space filled with electrical infrastructure" provides a clearer description of the area’s transformation.
"Mountains Adjacent to bridge with name hydroelectric dam" -> "Mountains adjacent to the hydroelectric dam bridge"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "hydroelectric dam bridge" clarifies the relationship between the mountains and the bridge.
"lied in the middle two mountain beside" -> "situated between two mountains"
Explanation: "Lied in the middle two mountain beside" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Situated between two mountains" offers a clearer description of the location.
"witnessed replenished void by building hotel" -> "observed the void being filled by the construction of a hotel"
Explanation: "Witnessed replenished void by building hotel" lacks clarity and proper grammar. "Observed the void being filled by the construction of a hotel" provides a clearer and more grammatically correct description.
"village in the new place took the subtitue for hotel" -> "the village relocated to accommodate the hotel"
Explanation: "Village in the new place took the subtitue for hotel" is unclear and awkwardly phrased. "The village relocated to accommodate the hotel" offers a clearer description of the village’s action.
"and gave its place to lake" -> "yielded its place to a lake"
Explanation: "Gave its place to lake" is imprecise. "Yielded its place to a lake" is a more appropriate phrase to describe the river’s transformation.
"fishing activites which went on the lake" -> "fishing activities conducted on the lake"
Explanation: "Fishing activites which went on the lake" lacks clarity and proper grammar. "Fishing activities conducted on the lake" provides a clearer and grammatically correct description.
"demolished completely took the place of hotel" -> "completely demolished, taking the place of the hotel"
Explanation: "Demolished completely took the place of hotel" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Completely demolished, taking the place of the hotel" clarifies the sequence of events.
"rare plants and animals, forest, ancient structures is replaced by blanks voids" -> "rare plants and animals, forests, and ancient structures were replaced by empty spaces"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks proper grammar and clarity. "Were replaced by empty spaces" provides a clearer description of what replaced the natural features.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

[
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by describing the changes in the area after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam. However, it lacks clarity and coherence in its presentation. Some key features are mentioned, such as the addition of new amenities and the impact on the environment, but the description is often unclear and lacks detail. There are inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the descriptions of the maps, making it difficult to follow the changes accurately.
How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a clearer and more organized description of the changes depicted in the maps. Focus on providing specific details about the areas affected by the construction of the dam, such as the displacement of villages, the formation of lakes, and the destruction of natural habitats. Use clear and concise language to convey information accurately. Additionally, ensure that the essay follows a logical structure with clear transitions between different aspects of the description. Proofreading for grammar and coherence would also enhance clarity.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization by describing changes in the area after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam. However, there are several issues related to coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks overall progression and clear organization, making it difficult to follow the ideas presented. There is some attempt at using cohesive devices, but they are inadequate and sometimes inaccurate. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing as the essay lacks clear paragraph breaks, leading to a disjointed flow of information.

How to improve:

Organize ideas: Ensure there is a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion structure to create a logical flow of information.
Use cohesive devices: Use a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., however, therefore, consequently) to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve coherence.
Improve paragraphing: Separate different ideas into distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.
Provide more specific details: Add more specific and detailed information about the changes depicted in the maps to strengthen the content and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, often using basic terms repetitively ("hydroelectric power dam", "mountains", "electricity", "bridge", "hotel"). While the essay attempts to convey the changes observed in the maps, it lacks sophistication in lexical choice and precision. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause strain for the reader. The lack of varied vocabulary limits the clarity and effectiveness of the communication.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to diversify their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of terms and expressions related to the topic. This could involve using synonyms for repetitive words, incorporating specific terminology related to hydroelectric power generation and environmental impacts, and utilizing more descriptive language to convey the changes depicted in the maps. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and ensuring accuracy in spelling and word formation will help enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to convey information about the changes in area after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam. However, it is significantly hindered by grammatical errors and lacks coherence. There are numerous errors in sentence structure, punctuation, and word choice throughout the essay, making it difficult to understand the intended message. Additionally, there are inconsistencies in tense usage, which further disrupt the clarity of the essay.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on basic sentence structure, punctuation, and verb tense consistency. Using clear and concise language will help convey the message more effectively. Additionally, proofreading for errors and revising the essay for coherence and clarity would greatly enhance its quality. Practicing writing in English and seeking feedback on grammar and structure would also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps illustrate the alterations resulting from the construction of a hydroelectric power dam.

Overall, the construction of the hydroelectric power dam brought about modernization, accompanied by the addition of new facilities, albeit at the expense of forests, ancient structures, villages, and rare flora and fauna.

Beginning with the left-hand side, the previously vacant area has been filled with electricity infrastructure running alongside the river, while the adjacent mountains remain unchanged. Moving to the western side, the hydroelectric dam is situated between two mountains, with a bridge connecting them. Meanwhile, on the eastern side, mountains bordering the electricity infrastructure have seen an expansion in built-up areas, notably with the construction of a hotel.

Turning attention to the eastern section, a village has been relocated to accommodate the construction of the dam, with the river being diverted to create a lake. Fishing activities now take place on the lake, with previously irrigated farmland replacing the demolished hotel. Along the western side, areas once inhabited by rare plants and animals, forests, and ancient structures have been replaced by vacant spaces.