The maps below show the changes that have taken place in Meadowside village and Fonton, a neighbouring town, since 1962.

The 3 maps illustrate the developments which have taken place in Meadowside village and the nearby town of Fonton from the year 1962.

Overall, it can be seen that the two places were slowly being merged together throughout the years with Meadowside Village eventually became a suburb. Additionally, the establishment of different facilities such as accommodations, transportational infrastructures and recreational buildings have also been introduced on these islands.
In 1962, Meadowside village was completely cutoff from its neighbouring town, Fonton, which only have small roads that went through from the western side of the town to the north. Meanwhile, its neighbour Fonton had railway networks that stretched from the northern side of the town to the south-east part.

In the year 1985, both Meadowside Village and Fonton grew in size with an additional road that connected two places together. In addition, there were multiple buildings which were introduced on the village of Meadowside with Housing Estate and Leisure Complex situated above the intersecting roads and a super-store which constructed just below the Housing Estate. With regards to infrastructures for vehicles, the roads that connected both places together were expanded and improved, with no changes made to the railways.

As of today, Meadowside Village has now become a suburb with two sides are now fully joined together. Furthermore, a train station has also been constructed between two places with an additional railway line that connected the station to Fonton’s old railway network. Finally, a business park has also been erected just under the train station that connects to the main road which runs through these towns.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The 3 maps illustrate the developments" -> "The three maps depict the developments"
Explanation: Using "depict" instead of "illustrate" provides a more precise verb choice for academic writing, as it specifically refers to the act of showing or representing something through visual aids like maps.
"which have taken place" -> "that have occurred"
Explanation: "That have occurred" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style by avoiding the less formal "which have taken place."
"Meadowside Village eventually became a suburb" -> "Meadowside Village evolved into a suburb"
Explanation: "Evolved into" is a more precise and formal expression than "eventually became," which sounds somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"accommodations, transportational infrastructures and recreational buildings" -> "accommodations, transportation infrastructure, and recreational facilities"
Explanation: "Transportation infrastructure" and "recreational facilities" are more specific and formal terms than "transportational infrastructures" and "recreational buildings," enhancing the academic tone.
"on these islands" -> "in these areas"
Explanation: "In these areas" is more accurate and contextually appropriate than "on these islands," which incorrectly implies a geographical location of islands, not areas.
"completely cutoff" -> "completely cut off"
Explanation: "Cut off" is the correct form of the phrase, used to describe separation or disconnection.
"which only have small roads" -> "which had only small roads"
Explanation: "Had" is the correct past tense to use when describing a condition that existed at a specific point in the past, improving grammatical accuracy.
"transportational infrastructures" -> "transportation infrastructure"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "transportation infrastructure" is the correct form for this context.
"grew in size" -> "expanded"
Explanation: "Expanded" is a more precise and formal term than "grew in size," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"multiple buildings which were introduced" -> "several buildings introduced"
Explanation: "Several" is more precise than "multiple" in this context, and removing "which" simplifies the sentence structure, making it more formal and direct.
"situated above the intersecting roads and a super-store which constructed" -> "located above the intersecting roads and a supermarket constructed"
Explanation: "Located" is more formal than "situated," and "supermarket" is the correct term, replacing the less formal "super-store."
"With regards to infrastructures for vehicles" -> "Regarding vehicular infrastructure"
Explanation: "Regarding vehicular infrastructure" is a more concise and formal way to introduce a discussion about transportation infrastructure.
"two sides are now fully joined together" -> "the two areas are now fully integrated"
Explanation: "Integrated" is a more precise term than "joined together," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"a train station has also been constructed" -> "a railway station has also been built"
Explanation: "Built" is more appropriate than "constructed" for describing the creation of a physical structure like a train station, and "railway station" is more specific than "train station."
"an additional railway line that connected the station to Fonton’s old railway network" -> "an additional railway line connecting the station to Fonton’s existing railway network"
Explanation: "Existing" is more precise than "old," which can imply a negative connotation, and "connecting" is more formal than "that connected," which is less direct.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes that have taken place in Meadowside village and Fonton. The essay adequately highlights the key features of the maps, such as the development of Meadowside village into a suburb and the construction of new facilities. However, the essay does not fully extend the description of the changes, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that Meadowside village was "completely cutoff" from Fonton in 1962, but the map shows that there was a road connecting the two places.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed descriptions of the changes that have taken place. For example, the essay could describe the specific types of buildings that have been constructed, the size of the changes, and the impact of the changes on the two places. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. For example, the essay could avoid stating that Meadowside village was "completely cutoff" from Fonton in 1962, as this is not supported by the map.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent arrangement of information and ideas, with a clear overall progression from the description of the maps in 1962 to the current state of Meadowside Village and Fonton. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of awkward phrasing and mechanical cohesion, particularly in transitions between sentences and paragraphs. The referencing is not always clear, which can lead to some confusion. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for logical flow, particularly in the way information is grouped.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the clarity and logical flow of ideas. This can be accomplished by using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and ensuring that all sentences contribute meaningfully to the overall argument will strengthen coherence. Finally, refining paragraph structure to group related ideas more effectively will help in presenting a more organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "accommodations," "transportational infrastructures," and "recreational buildings." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice (e.g., "transportational" is not commonly used) and some awkward phrases (e.g., "with two sides are now fully joined together"). There are also a few spelling and grammatical errors, such as "which only have small roads" (should be "which only had small roads") and "with regards to infrastructures" (should be "with regard to infrastructure"). These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range while ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. They should also work on grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression. Using more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would help to improve the overall presentation of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the two places were slowly being merged together" and "which only have small roads" exhibit issues with verb tense and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect word forms and prepositions, such as "transportational infrastructures" and "the village of Meadowside with Housing Estate," which detract from the overall accuracy of the writing. However, the errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the reader to understand the main ideas.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Verb Tense Consistency: Ensure that verb tenses are consistent and appropriate for the context (e.g., "which only has small roads" instead of "which only have small roads").
Sentence Structure Variety: Continue to use a variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy. This includes properly using conjunctions and relative clauses.
Proofreading for Errors: Take time to proofread the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity and precision.
Vocabulary Accuracy: Use more precise vocabulary and correct word forms to enhance the overall quality of the writing (e.g., "transportation infrastructure" instead of "transportational infrastructures").

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The three maps illustrate the developments that have taken place in Meadowside village and the nearby town of Fonton since 1962.

Overall, it can be seen that the two places have gradually merged over the years, with Meadowside village eventually becoming a suburb. Additionally, various facilities such as accommodations, transportation infrastructure, and recreational buildings have also been introduced in these areas.

In 1962, Meadowside village was completely cut off from its neighbouring town, Fonton, which only had small roads that connected the western side of the town to the north. Meanwhile, Fonton had railway networks that stretched from the northern side of the town to the southeastern part.

By 1985, both Meadowside village and Fonton had expanded in size, with an additional road connecting the two places. Furthermore, several buildings were introduced in Meadowside village, including a Housing Estate and a Leisure Complex situated above the intersecting roads, along with a superstore constructed just below the Housing Estate. In terms of vehicle infrastructure, the roads connecting both places were expanded and improved, while no changes were made to the railways.

As of today, Meadowside village has now become a suburb, with the two areas fully joined together. Moreover, a train station has been constructed between the two places, along with an additional railway line connecting the station to Fonton’s old railway network. Finally, a business park has been erected just below the train station, linking to the main road that runs through these towns.