The maps below show the future plan about the Biology School in particular university.

The maps compare the Biology School in a specific college and how it is expected to change in the future.

Overall, as can be seen from the maps, the area will undergo a significant number of changes including the expansion of buildings and the construction of parking.

Currently, there is an indoor sports hall on the top right-hand corner, which is parallel to a curved road on the west side, and there is an area filled with trees in the middle. In addition, there is a library in the center that is next to a drama center providing a recreational area for readers. In the southwest area of the Biology school, a teaching building is constructed for teachers and staff, and the environment includes trees. There is an IT center in the southeast sector of the college, surrounded by a Cafe and Lecture room.

In the future, it is expected to remove some trees for the construction of a lab and an office on the top. Moreover, a drama center will be replaced by a new music center while there will be a new teaching building and a lecture room built in the southern area. Meanwhile, the tree area located in the bottom left-hand corner, will be chopped down for a parking area.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The maps compare the Biology School in a specific college and how it is expected to change in the future." -> "The maps depict the current state of the Biology School in a specific college and outline projected changes for the future."
Explanation: The revised phrase "depict the current state" is more precise and formal than "compare," which is somewhat vague and less specific. Additionally, "outline projected changes" clarifies the purpose of the maps more accurately than "how it is expected to change."
"the area will undergo a significant number of changes" -> "the area will undergo significant changes"
Explanation: Removing "a number of" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and suitable for academic writing.
"the expansion of buildings and the construction of parking" -> "the expansion of buildings and the construction of parking facilities"
Explanation: Adding "facilities" provides a more specific and formal term, enhancing the academic tone.
"Currently, there is an indoor sports hall on the top right-hand corner" -> "Currently, the indoor sports hall is located in the top right-hand corner"
Explanation: Changing "there is" to "the indoor sports hall is located" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity.
"which is parallel to a curved road on the west side" -> "situated parallel to a curved road on the western side"
Explanation: "Situated" is more formal than "is," and "western" is preferred over "west" for formal writing.
"In addition, there is a library in the center that is next to a drama center providing a recreational area for readers." -> "Furthermore, the library in the center is adjacent to the drama center, which serves as a recreational area for readers."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is more formal than "In addition," and "adjacent to" is more precise than "next to." Also, rephrasing "providing a recreational area" to "serves as a recreational area" improves the sentence structure and formality.
"In the southwest area of the Biology school, a teaching building is constructed for teachers and staff" -> "In the southwest area of the Biology school, a teaching building is constructed for the use of teachers and staff"
Explanation: Adding "for the use of" clarifies the purpose of the building, making the sentence more precise and formal.
"There is an IT center in the southeast sector of the college, surrounded by a Cafe and Lecture room." -> "The IT center in the southeast sector of the college is surrounded by a cafe and lecture room."
Explanation: Capitalizing "Cafe" and "Lecture room" aligns with standard English conventions, and "is surrounded by" is a more formal way to describe the relationship between the IT center and the surrounding facilities.
"In the future, it is expected to remove some trees for the construction of a lab and an office on the top." -> "Future plans anticipate the removal of some trees to accommodate the construction of a laboratory and office on the top floor."
Explanation: "Future plans anticipate" is more formal and specific than "it is expected," and "on the top floor" is more precise than "on the top."
"a drama center will be replaced by a new music center" -> "the drama center will be replaced by a new music center"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "drama center" clarifies the reference and maintains grammatical correctness.
"the tree area located in the bottom left-hand corner, will be chopped down for a parking area." -> "the tree area in the bottom left-hand corner will be cleared to make way for a parking area."
Explanation: "Will be cleared to make way for" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action of removing the trees, and "make way for" is more appropriate in formal writing than "chopped down."

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the text, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the Biology School, including the removal of trees and the construction of new buildings. The essay also highlights some key features, such as the new music center and the car park for staff. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant, such as the mention of the indoor sports hall.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detail about the changes to the Biology School. For example, the essay could mention the specific types of buildings that will be constructed, or the size of the car park. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the changes, such as by comparing the number of trees in the two maps.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the current state of the Biology School to its future plans. However, while the essay uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The referencing is not always clear, particularly in the transitions between the current and future states of the school. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions are smooth and clear. Additionally, restructuring the paragraphs to clearly separate current and future descriptions could improve coherence. Lastly, ensuring that all references are clear and precise will help in presenting a more organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "recreational area," "constructed," and "chopped down," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and phrasing, such as "the environment includes trees" which could be more clearly expressed. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Cafe" which should be "café." While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they do detract from the overall lexical resource.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. Incorporating more sophisticated lexical items and ensuring correct collocations would enhance the essay. Additionally, minimizing spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a clearer and more polished presentation of ideas. Engaging with more varied sentence structures and vocabulary can also improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. While there are some effective uses of complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are several grammatical errors, such as issues with article usage ("a teaching building is constructed" should be "a teaching building is being constructed") and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in complex sentences). These errors occasionally hinder clarity but do not significantly obstruct communication. The essay shows an understanding of the task and presents information logically, but the grammatical inaccuracies prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Complex Sentence Structures: Practice using a wider variety of complex sentences accurately, ensuring that subordinate clauses are correctly formed and punctuated.
Grammar Review: Review common grammatical rules, particularly regarding articles, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement, to reduce errors.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation, especially in longer sentences, to improve clarity and flow.
Proofreading: Implement a proofreading step to catch and correct errors before submission, which can help in identifying frequent mistakes and improving overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps compare the Biology School at a specific college and how it is expected to change in the future.

Overall, as can be seen from the maps, the area will undergo a significant number of changes, including the expansion of buildings and the construction of parking facilities.

Currently, there is an indoor sports hall located in the top right-hand corner, adjacent to a curved road on the west side, and a central area filled with trees. Additionally, there is a library in the center next to a drama center, which provides a recreational space for readers. In the southwest area of the Biology School, a teaching building is situated for teachers and staff, surrounded by trees. There is also an IT center in the southeast sector of the college, flanked by a café and a lecture room.

In the future, it is expected that some trees will be removed to make way for the construction of a laboratory and an office in the upper section. Moreover, the drama center will be replaced by a new music center, while a new teaching building and a lecture room will be constructed in the southern area. Meanwhile, the tree area located in the bottom left-hand corner will be cleared to create a parking area.