The maps below show the future plan about the Biology School in particular university.
The maps below show the future plan about the Biology School in particular
university.
The maps depict the significant alterations proposed to be made in the Biology School’s future plan, emphasizing the expansion of academic facilities and infrastructure improvements. Notable adjustments include renovations and repurposing of existing structure along with entirely new infrastructures built upon removed forest area.
Currently, the central library sits at the core of the campus, with the drama center, teaching building, IT center, café, and lecture halls surrounding it. Under the new plan, the drama center will be replaced by a music center, and new laboratories and office buildings will be erected in the northwest corner, reducing the green space in that area.
Both the teaching building and lecture halls will be upgraded to two-story facilities, enhancing capacity. The IT center and café will remain unchanged in both position and size. A major transformation includes the removal of trees in the southwest, making room for a staff parking area. The indoor sports hall, located in the upper-right corner in both layouts, will stay as it is throughout the redevelopment process.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"significant alterations proposed to be made" -> "significant alterations proposed for implementation"
Explanation: "Proposed to be made" is awkward and passive. "Proposed for implementation" is more direct and aligns better with formal academic language. -
"existing structure" -> "existing structures"
Explanation: "Structure" should be pluralized to "structures" to accurately reflect that multiple buildings are likely being referenced. -
"entirely new infrastructures built upon removed forest area" -> "entirely new infrastructure developed on cleared forested areas"
Explanation: "Infrastructures" is generally used in a broader context and is less common in academic writing. "Infrastructure" is typically used as a collective noun. "Built upon removed forest area" is vague; "developed on cleared forested areas" provides clarity and specificity. -
"the drama center will be replaced by a music center" -> "the drama center will be replaced with a music center"
Explanation: "Replaced by" suggests the music center is the original entity, while "replaced with" correctly indicates the new entity that will take the place of the drama center. -
"reducing the green space in that area" -> "resulting in a reduction of green space in that area"
Explanation: "Reducing" is less formal; "resulting in a reduction of" maintains a formal tone and clarifies the consequence of the new developments. -
"upgraded to two-story facilities" -> "upgraded to two-story structures"
Explanation: "Structures" is more precise than "facilities," which can imply a broader range of functions and uses. -
"remain unchanged in both position and size" -> "remain unchanged in both location and dimensions"
Explanation: "Location" is more precise than "position," and "dimensions" is a more formal term than "size," enhancing academic tone. -
"A major transformation includes the removal of trees in the southwest" -> "A significant change involves the removal of trees in the southwestern area"
Explanation: "Major transformation" can be simplified to "significant change," which is more precise. "Involves" is a more formal alternative to "includes," and "southwestern area" is clearer than just "southwest." -
"making room for a staff parking area" -> "creating space for a staff parking area"
Explanation: "Creating space" is more formal and precise than "making room," enhancing the academic tone. -
"will stay as it is throughout the redevelopment process" -> "will remain unchanged throughout the redevelopment process"
Explanation: "Will stay as it is" is informal; "will remain unchanged" is more precise and aligns with formal academic language.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main changes to the Biology School, highlighting the key features of the plan. The essay adequately describes the changes to the existing buildings and the new buildings that will be constructed. The essay also provides a clear overview of the changes to the green space.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes to the buildings. For example, the essay could mention the size of the new laboratories and office buildings, or the number of lecture rooms that will be added. The essay could also provide more information about the changes to the green space, such as the number of trees that will be removed.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the description of the proposed changes to the Biology School. Each paragraph focuses on specific aspects of the plan, such as the replacement of the drama center and the upgrades to existing buildings, which helps maintain a clear central topic. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are moments where the connections between sentences could be smoother, indicating some under-use of cohesive devices. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 by demonstrating a coherent structure and clear progression of ideas.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that all references are clear and avoiding any repetitive phrases would strengthen coherence. Finally, a more explicit introduction and conclusion could help frame the information more effectively, providing a clearer overview of the changes being discussed.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively conveying the proposed changes to the Biology School. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "repurposing" and "infrastructures," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "entirely new infrastructures built upon removed forest area," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some minor errors in word formation and sentence structure that do not impede overall communication but do detract from the fluency and sophistication expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, practicing the correct formation of more complex vocabulary and refining sentence structures can help to reduce errors and improve clarity. Engaging with more sophisticated lexical items and ensuring accurate collocations will also contribute to a higher score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. Most sentences are error-free, and the writer shows a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrases that detract from the overall fluency and coherence, preventing a higher score.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures to enhance clarity and fluidity. Additionally, minimizing minor errors and ensuring that all complex sentences are grammatically accurate will strengthen the overall grammatical range and accuracy. Incorporating more varied sentence types and ensuring that all ideas are clearly expressed can also contribute to a better score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The maps depict the significant alterations proposed for the future development of the Biology School, highlighting the expansion of academic facilities and improvements to infrastructure. Notable changes include renovations and repurposing of existing structures, along with the construction of entirely new facilities on the cleared forest area.
Currently, the central library is situated at the heart of the campus, surrounded by the drama center, teaching building, IT center, café, and lecture halls. Under the new plan, the drama center will be replaced by a music center, and new laboratories and office buildings will be constructed in the northwest corner, resulting in a reduction of green space in that area.
Both the teaching building and lecture halls will be upgraded to two-story facilities, thereby enhancing their capacity. The IT center and café will remain unchanged in both position and size. A significant transformation involves the removal of trees in the southwest, which will create space for a staff parking area. The indoor sports hall, located in the upper-right corner of both layouts, will remain intact throughout the redevelopment process.
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