The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The illustrations reveal the transformation of the Stokeford village between 1930 and 2010.
Overall, this village has undergone significant changes, including the addition of more facilities and the removal of some infrastructure.
In 1930, Stokeford village had a river running through the western area. There were a few houses on both sides of the only road that ran through the middle of this rural community. On the left side of this road, there were two shops and a post office. In addition, the local primary school was opposite this post office. Moreover, a large garden containing some large houses was located central-east area of this settlement. Two large farmlands were in the northeast and southwest corners.
Over a period of 80 years, there were several changes in the village of Stokeford. More houses were built along both sides of the road. This created two residential areas, which replaced two areas of farmland. In addition, some shops were demolished, and the school was enlarged with two new buildings. Moreover, some houses in a local park were converted into retirement homes. Other buildings remained untouched.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The illustrations reveal" -> "The images depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise term in academic contexts, emphasizing the visual representation of information, whereas "reveal" can imply a sense of discovery or uncovering, which may not be entirely accurate in this context.
"significant changes" -> "substantial transformations"
Explanation: "Substantial transformations" conveys a more precise and formal tone, suggesting a thorough and considerable alteration, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"the removal of some infrastructure" -> "the elimination of certain infrastructure"
Explanation: "Elimination" is a more formal term than "removal," and specifying "certain" instead of "some" enhances the precision of the description.
"a few houses" -> "a limited number of houses"
Explanation: "A limited number of" is more formal and avoids the casual tone of "a few," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"a large garden containing some large houses" -> "a substantial garden featuring several large residences"
Explanation: "Substantial" and "featuring" are more precise and formal, and "residences" is a more academic term than "houses."
"central-east area" -> "central eastern area"
Explanation: "Central eastern" is the correct compound adjective form, enhancing the formal tone and clarity of the description.
"Over a period of 80 years" -> "Over an 80-year period"
Explanation: "Over an 80-year period" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"some shops were demolished" -> "certain shops were demolished"
Explanation: "Certain" is more specific and formal than "some," aligning better with academic style.
"the school was enlarged with two new buildings" -> "the school expanded with the addition of two new structures"
Explanation: "Expanded with the addition of" is more formal and precise, specifying the nature of the change more clearly.
"some houses in a local park were converted into retirement homes" -> "several dwellings within a local park were converted into retirement residences"
Explanation: "Several dwellings" and "retirement residences" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the description.

These changes refine the language to better suit an academic context, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the maps, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the bridge, which is a significant feature of both maps.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could mention the bridge and explain how it has changed over time. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes that have occurred in the village. For example, the essay could mention the number of houses that have been built or the size of the school.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression from the description of Stokeford in 1930 to its changes by 2010. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are seamless will help improve coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms like "transformation," "facilities," and "infrastructure." However, while it attempts to incorporate less common vocabulary, there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the local primary school was opposite this post office" could be more naturally expressed). Additionally, there are minor errors in word choice and some repetition of vocabulary, which detracts from the overall fluency and flexibility of expression. Spelling and word formation errors are minimal and do not impede communication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied vocabulary and improved precision in word choice. Incorporating more sophisticated lexical items and ensuring their correct usage would enhance the overall quality. Additionally, reducing repetition and improving the flow of ideas would contribute to a more cohesive and engaging essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it conveys the main features of the maps effectively, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the local primary school was opposite this post office" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, the use of conjunctions and transitions could be improved to enhance the flow of information.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of complex sentence structures and reducing grammatical errors. This can be done by practicing more varied sentence constructions and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly. Additionally, enhancing coherence and cohesion through better linking of ideas will improve overall clarity and readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The illustrations reveal the transformation of Stokeford village between 1930 and 2010. Overall, this village has undergone significant changes, including the addition of more facilities and the removal of some infrastructure.

In 1930, Stokeford village featured a river running through the western area. There were a few houses on both sides of the only road that traversed the middle of this rural community. On the left side of this road, there were two shops and a post office. Additionally, the local primary school was situated opposite the post office. Furthermore, a large garden containing several substantial houses was located in the central-eastern area of this settlement. Two extensive farmlands occupied the northeast and southwest corners.

Over a period of 80 years, several changes occurred in the village of Stokeford. More houses were constructed along both sides of the road, creating two residential areas that replaced the two areas of farmland. In addition, some shops were demolished, and the school was expanded with the addition of two new buildings. Moreover, some houses in a local park were converted into retirement homes. Other buildings remained untouched.