The maps below shows the development of the village of Ryemouth between 1995 and at present

The pair of maps presented illustrates the village of Ryemounth which was developed between 1995 to now.
Overall, the development has made a huge change in the North East and South with many constructions that have been removed and replaced by the others. And there has a small change in the West with a few houses was added.
Following the road running from the northwest down, there are two new houses have been built on both sides of the road. Moreover, a new road that goes to the west has been put up and two houses have been erected along the new path. Farmland and forest park were a big area in the past but now they have been demolished to make room for golf and two tennis courts. Although it changed much, four houses in the west near the middle have remained unchanged.
The area near the sea in the north has been built more constructions. A row of shops was redeveloped by a row of restaurants. Sharing the same fate as them, the fish markets were renovated by apartments on the opposite side of the road. The hotel and cafe have experienced no changes but a car park has been built next to the hotel. There is a big fishing port but it has been destroyed in the present

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pair of maps presented illustrates" -> "The pair of maps presented illustrates"
Explanation: The verb "illustrates" should be in the singular form "illustrate" to agree with the singular noun "map."
"was developed between 1995 to now" -> "has been developed between 1995 and now"
Explanation: The verb "has been developed" is more appropriate in the present perfect tense to indicate ongoing development, and "and" is the correct conjunction for connecting dates in a range.
"huge change" -> "significant changes"
Explanation: "Significant changes" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "huge change," which is somewhat informal and imprecise.
"many constructions that have been removed and replaced by the others" -> "numerous structures that have been demolished and replaced by others"
Explanation: "Numerous structures" is more formal than "many constructions," and "demolished" is more specific than "removed," which could be vague. "Others" should be lowercase to avoid grammatical awkwardness.
"there has a small change" -> "there has been a small change"
Explanation: Adding "been" corrects the verb tense to match the ongoing nature of the development.
"a few houses was added" -> "a few houses were added"
Explanation: "Were" is the correct form of the verb to agree with the plural subject "houses."
"two new houses have been built on both sides of the road" -> "two new houses have been constructed on both sides of the road"
Explanation: "Constructed" is a more precise term than "built" in a formal context, emphasizing the process of building.
"a new road that goes to the west has been put up" -> "a new road extending west has been constructed"
Explanation: "Extending west" is more precise and formal than "goes to the west," and "constructed" is more appropriate than "put up," which is informal.
"two houses have been erected along the new path" -> "two houses have been built along the new path"
Explanation: "Built" is more commonly used in formal writing than "erected" in this context.
"Farmland and forest park were a big area" -> "The farmland and forest park were a significant area"
Explanation: "The" is added for clarity and "significant" is more formal than "big."
"they have been demolished to make room for" -> "they have been cleared to accommodate"
Explanation: "Cleared" is a more precise term than "demolished" when referring to the removal of structures, and "accommodate" is more formal than "make room for."
"four houses in the west near the middle have remained unchanged" -> "four houses in the western region have remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Western region" is more specific and formal than "in the west near the middle."
"a row of shops was redeveloped by a row of restaurants" -> "a row of shops was redeveloped into a row of restaurants"
Explanation: "Into" is the correct preposition for indicating transformation, and "redeveloped" is more precise than "redeveloped by."
"The hotel and cafe have experienced no changes" -> "The hotel and cafe have undergone no changes"
Explanation: "Undergone" is more appropriate in formal writing to describe the experience of change.
"a car park has been built next to the hotel" -> "a parking facility has been constructed adjacent to the hotel"
Explanation: "Parking facility" is a more formal term than "car park," and "constructed adjacent to" is more precise than "built next to."
"There is a big fishing port but it has been destroyed" -> "There was a significant fishing port, which has been demolished"
Explanation: "Was" corrects the tense to match the past time frame, and "significant" is more formal than "big." "Demolished" is more precise than "destroyed" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes that have taken place in the village. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. The essay also does not provide any data to support the description.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the changes that have taken place in the village. The essay should also provide data to support the description. For example, the essay could state that the number of houses in the village has increased from 10 in 1995 to 20 in the present. The essay could also state that the area of farmland has decreased from 10 hectares in 1995 to 5 hectares in the present.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the development of Ryemouth, but it lacks clear overall progression and organization. While there is some attempt to describe changes in different areas of the village, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the narrative. The use of cohesive devices is present but often inaccurate or repetitive, leading to confusion. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate different ideas or locations, which further detracts from coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific area or aspect of the development. Using a variety of cohesive devices correctly will help to connect ideas more logically. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical progression will improve the overall clarity of the essay. More precise referencing and substitution can also reduce repetition and enhance the flow of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While some attempts are made to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "redeveloped," "demolished"), the overall lexical resource is constrained, and there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "more constructions," "the others"). Additionally, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity, such as "a few houses was added" and "the fishing port but it has been destroyed in the present." These issues hinder effective communication and understanding of the essay’s content.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Practicing synonyms and collocations related to urban development and geographical changes can help. Additionally, focusing on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure will improve overall clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures with some attempts at complex sentences; however, these attempts are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "there has a small change" and "four houses in the west near the middle have remained unchanged" exhibit errors that detract from clarity. Additionally, punctuation issues are present, such as missing commas, which further affect the overall readability.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on mastering subject-verb agreement and refining sentence structures. Practicing complex sentences with correct conjunctions and ensuring that each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated will help. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules and seeking feedback on writing can assist in identifying and correcting recurring errors. Expanding vocabulary and using a wider variety of sentence types will also contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pair of maps presented illustrates the village of Ryemouth, which has developed from 1995 to the present. Overall, the development has resulted in significant changes in the northeast and southeast, with many constructions being removed and replaced. In contrast, there has been a small change in the west, where a few houses have been added.

Following the road running from the northwest down, two new houses have been built on both sides of the road. Moreover, a new road leading to the west has been constructed, and two houses have been erected along this new path. Farmland and forest park occupied a large area in the past, but they have now been demolished to make way for a golf course and two tennis courts. Despite these changes, four houses in the west near the center have remained unchanged.

The area near the sea in the north has seen more constructions. A row of shops has been redeveloped into a row of restaurants. Similarly, the fish market has been renovated into apartments on the opposite side of the road. The hotel and café have experienced no changes; however, a car park has been built next to the hotel. There is a large fishing port, but it has been removed in the present.