The maps show an art gallery in Australia in 1950 and now. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps demonstrate the changes that occurred in the ground floor of a particular art gallery since 1950.
As can be seen from the maps, it is apparent that the art gallery has undergone significant transformation. This encompassess the establishment of added-value options and the introduction of facilities for disabled, leading to a more accessible place for individuals.
Regarding the western part of the art gallery, there has been the erection of a ramp for the wheelchair adjoining entrance door to serve disabled. To the Northwest wing of the gallery, a cafe has made room for a gallery shop, however the space is much smaller now. A new vending machine facility has been placed outside the gallery shop where the gallery office used to be. Another notable change has been the conversion of the exhibition room 4 into a children’s area and temporary exhibition.
Turning to the central region, upon entering, visitors still encounter the entrance hall and the reception desk located in the center. It is notable that the stairs have been reduced by one-third to give way for facilitating lift to the north of the reception section. To the East wing of the art gallery, there have been various exhibitions since 1950, from room 1 to room 3, to accommodate visitors’ needs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"As can be seen from the maps" -> "As evident from the maps"
Explanation: Replacing "As can be seen from" with "As evident from" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, aligning better with academic language.
"it is apparent that" -> "it is clear that"
Explanation: "It is clear that" is a more direct and concise way to express certainty, which is more suitable for formal academic writing.
"This encompassess" -> "This encompasses"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "encompassess" to "encompasses" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"added-value options" -> "enhanced features"
Explanation: "Enhanced features" is a more precise term that better fits the context of describing improvements in the art gallery, avoiding the vague and somewhat informal "added-value options."
"leading to a more accessible place for individuals" -> "resulting in increased accessibility for all visitors"
Explanation: "Resulting in increased accessibility for all visitors" is more specific and inclusive, emphasizing the broader impact on the gallery’s accessibility.
"the erection of a ramp for the wheelchair adjoining entrance door" -> "the installation of a wheelchair ramp adjacent to the main entrance"
Explanation: "Installation" is more precise than "erection" in this context, and "adjacent to the main entrance" is clearer and more formal than "adjoining entrance door."
"To the Northwest wing of the gallery, a cafe has made room for a gallery shop" -> "In the northwest wing, the cafe has been replaced by a gallery shop"
Explanation: "Has been replaced by" provides a clearer and more formal description of the change, avoiding the vague "made room for."
"A new vending machine facility has been placed outside the gallery shop where the gallery office used to be" -> "A vending machine facility has been relocated outside the former gallery office"
Explanation: "Relocated" is more precise than "placed," and specifying "former gallery office" clarifies the location more accurately.
"Another notable change has been the conversion of the exhibition room 4 into a children’s area and temporary exhibition" -> "Notable changes include the conversion of exhibition room 4 into a children’s area and temporary exhibition space"
Explanation: "Notable changes include" is a more formal way to introduce multiple changes, and "temporary exhibition space" is a more specific term than "temporary exhibition."
"It is notable that the stairs have been reduced by one-third to give way for facilitating lift" -> "It is noteworthy that the stairs have been reduced by one-third to accommodate a new lift"
Explanation: "Noteworthy" is more formal than "notable," and "accommodate a new lift" is clearer and more precise than "facilitating lift."
"To the East wing of the art gallery, there have been various exhibitions since 1950, from room 1 to room 3, to accommodate visitors’ needs" -> "The East wing has hosted various exhibitions since 1950, spanning rooms 1 to 3, to meet visitor needs"
Explanation: "Hosted" is a more specific verb than "been," and "spanning rooms 1 to 3" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the range of exhibitions.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the art gallery, selecting and reporting the main features. It adequately highlights key features, such as the addition of a ramp, cafe, and lift, and the conversion of exhibition room 4 into a children’s area. However, the essay includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "there have been various exhibitions since 1950, from room 1 to room 3, to accommodate visitors’ needs." This detail is not relevant to the task, as the essay should focus on the changes to the gallery’s layout, not the content of the exhibitions.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing more on the key features of the changes and omitting irrelevant details. For example, instead of stating that "there have been various exhibitions since 1950," the essay could simply state that "exhibition rooms 1, 2, and 3 remain unchanged." This would provide a more concise and relevant overview of the changes to the gallery.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information coherently and demonstrates a clear overall progression. It effectively uses cohesive devices, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better organized for clarity. For example, the transitions between changes in different areas of the gallery could be smoother to enhance the flow of information.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that referencing is clear will enhance the overall coherence. Finally, organizing the information more systematically, perhaps by grouping related changes together, would contribute to a more cohesive structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items such as "establishment," "adjoining," and "accommodate." However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "added-value options," which is somewhat vague and not entirely appropriate in this context. Additionally, there are errors in spelling ("encompassess") and word formation ("facilitating lift" should be "a lift to facilitate"). While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource used in the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and appropriateness. This includes avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that word choices are contextually relevant. Additionally, the writer should proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to minimize inaccuracies. Expanding vocabulary through reading and practice, particularly with uncommon lexical items, will also help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey the changes in the art gallery effectively, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "added-value options" and "the erection of a ramp for the wheelchair adjoining entrance door" could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, there are errors in subject-verb agreement and punctuation, such as "this encompassess" (should be "encompasses") and "the gallery office used to be" (which could be clearer). Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the errors present reduce the overall accuracy and fluency.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Structure: Aim to use a wider variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct. Practice combining sentences to improve fluency.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread your work to catch minor errors such as typos and grammatical mistakes. This can help in reducing the frequency of errors.
Clarity and Precision: Work on expressing ideas more clearly. Avoid vague terms and ensure that descriptions are straightforward and precise.
Grammar Practice: Focus on specific areas of grammar that are problematic, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps demonstrate the changes that have occurred in the ground floor of a particular art gallery in Australia since 1950. As can be seen from the maps, it is apparent that the art gallery has undergone significant transformation. This encompasses the establishment of additional facilities and the introduction of amenities for the disabled, leading to a more accessible environment for individuals.

Regarding the western part of the art gallery, a ramp has been constructed next to the entrance door to serve disabled visitors. In the northwest wing of the gallery, a café has replaced the gallery shop; however, the space is now much smaller. A new vending machine facility has been installed outside the gallery shop, where the gallery office used to be. Another notable change is the conversion of exhibition room 4 into a children’s area and a temporary exhibition space.

Turning to the central region, upon entering, visitors still encounter the entrance hall and the reception desk located in the center. It is noteworthy that the stairs have been reduced by one-third to make way for a lift to the north of the reception area. In the east wing of the art gallery, there have been various exhibitions since 1950, from room 1 to room 3, to accommodate visitors’ needs.