The maps show how an industrial area change into a housing area in the future.

The maps illustrate how an industrial area change into a housing area in the future
Overall, the pictures underwent remarkable changes with the appearance of a lot of bedroom houses while it is noticeable that the introduction of a parking garage ,an apartment,a communal garden and a parking area.
Regarding now industrial area,the row of offices which was situated in the south of the diagram and near the camion.Beside that the pictures had the entrance and the reception and the factory which was located in the north and the south of the map while in the west of the diagram had the packing and the storage which was situated in near the main road
Turning to future areas for the houses, although there was an appearance of a row of 2 bedroom houses in the north of the picture which was situated on the main road,the entrance and reception was demolished.while the west of the area for houses experienced the emergency of a 3 and 4 bedroom house in place of the parking and the storage. Beside that when there was an addition of a communal garden and a parking garage , the row of offices and camion was destroyed.Meanwhile, the diagram witnessed the replacement of the factory by a parking area and a apartment .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The maps illustrate how an industrial area change into a housing area in the future" -> "The maps depict the transformation of an industrial area into a residential area in the future"
Explanation: "Depict" is more formal and precise than "illustrate," and "transformation" is a more academic term than "change." Additionally, "residential" is more specific than "housing," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"remarkable changes" -> "significant changes"
Explanation: "Significant" is more formal and academically appropriate than "remarkable," which can imply a sense of wonder or surprise that is not suitable for a formal essay.
"a lot of bedroom houses" -> "numerous residential units"
Explanation: "Numerous residential units" is more precise and formal than "a lot of bedroom houses," which is informal and vague.
"the introduction of a parking garage,an apartment,a communal garden and a parking area" -> "the addition of a parking garage, an apartment, a communal garden, and a parking area"
Explanation: "Addition" is more specific and formal than "introduction," and the commas should be corrected for proper punctuation.
"Regarding now industrial area," -> "Regarding the current industrial area"
Explanation: "Regarding now" is grammatically incorrect and informal; "Regarding the current" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"camion" -> "camions" or "trucks"
Explanation: "Camion" is not commonly used in English; "trucks" is more universally understood, or "camions" if referring to a specific type of vehicle.
"the pictures had the entrance and the reception and the factory" -> "the diagrams featured the entrance, reception, and factory"
Explanation: "Featured" is more precise and formal than "had," and using commas correctly separates the items listed.
"in the north and the south of the map" -> "in both the northern and southern parts of the diagram"
Explanation: "In both the northern and southern parts of the diagram" is more precise and formal than "in the north and the south of the map."
"the packing and the storage" -> "the packing and storage facilities"
Explanation: "Packing and storage facilities" is a more specific and formal term than "the packing and the storage."
"emergency of a 3 and 4 bedroom house" -> "construction of 3- and 4-bedroom houses"
Explanation: "Construction" is more accurate and formal than "emergency," which is incorrect in this context. Also, "3- and 4-bedroom houses" is grammatically correct.
"Beside that when there was an addition of a communal garden and a parking garage" -> "Additionally, the addition of a communal garden and a parking garage"
Explanation: "Additionally" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Beside that," which is informal and awkward in this context.
"the row of offices and camion was destroyed" -> "the row of offices and the truck was demolished"
Explanation: "Demolished" is the correct verb for the destruction of structures, and "truck" is more commonly used than "camion" in English.
"the diagram witnessed the replacement of the factory by a parking area and a apartment" -> "the diagram depicts the replacement of the factory with a parking area and an apartment"
Explanation: "Depicts" is more appropriate than "witnessed," which is incorrect in this context. Also, "with" is used correctly instead of "by" for the replacement of one thing with another.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay presents some key features, but it does not adequately cover them. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall changes.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes. The writer should focus on the main trends and differences between the two maps. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition. The writer should also use more appropriate language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying "the row of offices was situated in the south of the diagram," the writer could say "the offices were located in the south of the industrial area."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the changes from an industrial area to a housing area, the ideas are not clearly arranged, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is inconsistent; the essay lacks clear separations between different ideas, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving paragraphing by clearly defining the introduction, body, and conclusion will aid in presenting a more structured response. Finally, revising for grammatical accuracy and clarity will contribute to a more professional tone.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary (e.g., "communal garden," "emergency of a 3 and 4 bedroom house"), the overall lexical resource is restricted, and there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "the pictures underwent remarkable changes" and "the row of offices which was situated"). Additionally, spelling and grammatical issues (e.g., "change into" instead of "changes into," "camion" instead of "truck") are present, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary and use a wider range of synonyms and more precise terms. Practicing the correct usage of collocations and ensuring grammatical accuracy will also help. Reading more academic texts and essays can provide exposure to varied vocabulary and expressions. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors before submission can significantly improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "change" should be "changes") and punctuation issues that can cause confusion for the reader. The overall coherence is affected by these errors, making it difficult to follow the argument clearly.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical forms.
Proofreading: Carefully check for subject-verb agreement and punctuation errors to reduce the frequency of mistakes.
Clarity and Coherence: Ensure that each sentence logically connects to the next, improving the overall flow of the essay. Using linking words and phrases can help achieve this.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify recurring grammatical issues and work on them systematically.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps illustrate how an industrial area will change into a housing area in the future. Overall, the pictures depict remarkabletransformations, notably the emergence of numerous two-bedroom houses, alongside the introduction of a parking garage, an apartment, a communal garden, and a parking area.

Currently, the industrial area features a row of offices located in the south of the diagram, near the camion. Additionally, the area includes an entrance, a reception, and a factory situated in both the north and south of the map, while the west side contains packing and storage facilities adjacent to the main road.

Turning to the future housing area, there will be a row of two-bedroom houses in the north of the picture, positioned along the main road; however, the entrance and reception will be demolished. In the west of the housing area, three- and four-bedroom houses will replace the existing packing and storage facilities. Furthermore, a communal garden and a parking garage will be added, resulting in the removal of the row of offices and the camion. Meanwhile, the factory will be replaced by a parking area and an apartment.