The maps show the outskirts of the town of Fosbury in 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given maps demonstrate the differences between the suburbans of the town of Fosbury in 1980 and 2015. Overall, there were a great number of remarkable changes to the buildings and amenities of this area.

It can be clearly seen that the most striking alternation issues to the roundabout which used to be simple straight road in 1980. Besides, to compare between two illustrations in terms of commercial development, in the early of 21th century, this area was built a big quantity of facilities which is serving the needs of entertainment. Moreover, another considerable changes is the relocation of terraced houses and the appearance of warehouses which mark for the period of industrial developer.

Now shifting focus to the details, there was an erection of sports centre in 2015, it was the centre complex of sports, this centre still included tennis area. Come over the cross to the left top of maps, the park in 1980 was replaced by the terrace houses. However, the park didnt disappear but relocated in the next area to residential area. It is obvious that the houses and hotel still be kept after a long period of time. Nevertheless, there was major changes with the land in front of the hotel. Some convenience were constructed such as Grocer’s shop and Block of flats. Right to the opposite of them is a carpark which used to be residential house. Especially, the supermarket was also added to the town.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"suburbans" -> "suburbs"
Explanation: "Suburbans" is not the correct term; "suburbs" accurately describes residential areas on the outskirts of a town or city.
"differences between" -> "contrasts"
Explanation: "Contrasts" is a more precise term to indicate the comparison between the two maps, emphasizing their differences.
"remarkable changes" -> "significant changes"
Explanation: "Remarkable" implies something worthy of notice but doesn’t necessarily indicate the magnitude of the changes. "Significant" better conveys the scale and importance of the alterations.
"alternation issues" -> "changes"
Explanation: "Alternation issues" is awkward and unclear. "Changes" is a simpler and clearer term to describe modifications.
"roundabout which used to be simple straight road" -> "roundabout that previously existed as a straight road"
Explanation: The original phrase is confusing. Clarifying that the roundabout existed as a straight road in the past enhances clarity.
"big quantity of facilities which is serving" -> "a multitude of facilities that serve"
Explanation: "Big quantity" is informal. "Multitude" is a more formal and precise term. Also, "which is serving" should be "that serve" for grammatical correctness.
"considerable changes" -> "significant changes"
Explanation: "Considerable" can be vague. "Significant" is a stronger term to describe noteworthy changes.
"relocation of terraced houses" -> "relocation of terrace houses"
Explanation: "Terraced" typically refers to houses arranged in a row with shared walls. "Terrace houses" refers to houses with a raised platform or veranda.
"erection of sports centre" -> "construction of a sports center"
Explanation: "Erection" may have unintended connotations. "Construction" is a neutral term that describes the building process.
"centre complex of sports" -> "sports complex"
Explanation: "Centre complex of sports" is awkward. "Sports complex" is a more common and concise term.
"Come over the cross" -> "Moving to the top left corner"
Explanation: "Come over the cross" is unclear. Replacing it with a clearer instruction enhances comprehension.
"was replaced by the terrace houses" -> "was replaced by terrace houses"
Explanation: "The" is unnecessary before "terrace houses."
"park didnt disappear" -> "park did not disappear"
Explanation: "Did not" should be written as "didn’t" for informal writing, or "did not" for formal writing.
"residential area" -> "residential district"
Explanation: "Residential area" is vague. "Residential district" specifies a specific zone within the town.
"still be kept" -> "are still retained"
Explanation: "Still be kept" is awkward. "Are still retained" is clearer and more formal.
"major changes with the land" -> "significant changes to the landscape"
Explanation: "Changes with the land" is unclear. "Changes to the landscape" specifies the alteration of the physical environment.
"Some convenience were constructed" -> "Several conveniences were constructed"
Explanation: "Some convenience were constructed" lacks specificity. "Several conveniences" provides a clearer description.
"Right to the opposite of them" -> "Directly opposite them"
Explanation: "Right to the opposite of them" is unclear. "Directly opposite them" provides a clearer indication of location.
"Especially" -> "Notably"
Explanation: "Especially" doesn’t fit in this context. "Notably" is more suitable to emphasize the significance of the addition.
"supermarket was also added to the town" -> "supermarket was additionally incorporated into the town"
Explanation: "Was also added" is passive. "Was additionally incorporated" is more formal and active, describing the integration of the supermarket into the town.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the maps comparing the outskirts of Fosbury in 1980 and 2015. It identifies some key changes such as alterations to the roundabout, commercial development, relocation of terraced houses, and the emergence of warehouses and a sports center. However, the presentation lacks clarity and coherence. There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that hinder comprehension. Additionally, some information is inaccurately conveyed or unclear, such as the description of the sports center and the park’s relocation. Overall, while the main features are mentioned, the lack of clarity and coherence reduces the effectiveness of the response.
How to improve:
To improve, focus on clarity and coherence in presenting the main features and comparisons between the maps. Use clear and accurate language, avoiding grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Ensure that all information is relevant and appropriately detailed. Additionally, provide a more organized structure to the essay to enhance readability and comprehension for the reader. Consider proofreading the essay for errors and refining the language for better clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, mentioning various changes in the outskirts of Fosbury between 1980 and 2015. However, there is a lack of overall progression, and some ideas are presented in a disjointed manner. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices, but they are inadequately applied, leading to some confusion. Paragraphing is present, but it is not consistently logical.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing ideas in a clear and logical manner. Ensure a smooth flow of information between sentences and paragraphs by using appropriate cohesive devices. Revise the structure of paragraphs to ensure they have a clear topic sentence and follow a logical order of presentation. Additionally, avoid repetitive language and ensure accurate referencing to improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a minimally adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It covers the main features of the maps and attempts to make comparisons, albeit with some clarity issues. There is an effort to use a variety of words, though some are not entirely appropriate or accurate in context. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary, ensuring that words are accurately chosen and used in context. Work on spelling and word formation accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence. Pay attention to the precision of language to convey ideas more effectively. Practice writing with attention to detail and accuracy to minimize errors and improve overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but it is hindered by frequent errors in grammar and punctuation. While there are some attempts at complex structures, they tend to be less accurate than simple sentences, resulting in faulty punctuation and grammatical errors. The essay lacks consistency in maintaining clarity and coherence due to these errors.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring accurate grammar and punctuation usage. Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures and pay close attention to verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation rules. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help identify and correct errors, improving overall clarity and coherence. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or tutors on grammar and sentence structure can provide valuable insights for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps illustrate the evolution of the suburban landscape of Fosbury between 1980 and 2015. Overall, significant transformations occurred in both the architectural layout and the amenities within this vicinity.

A prominent alteration is observed in the layout of the roundabout, which underwent a notable change from a simple straight road in 1980. Furthermore, in terms of commercial development, there was a substantial increase in the number of entertainment facilities established in the early 21st century.

Another noteworthy change is the transition of terraced houses to warehouses, indicative of the period’s industrial development. Additionally, a sports center was erected in 2015, featuring a comprehensive range of sporting facilities, including tennis courts.

Shifting focus to specific details, the park depicted in 1980 was replaced by terrace houses, although the park itself was relocated to an adjacent residential area. Despite the passage of time, the houses and hotel remain intact, with notable modifications to the land in front of the hotel. This area now hosts conveniences such as a grocery store and a block of flats, with the former residential house replaced by a car park. Notably, a supermarket was also introduced to the town during this period.

Overall, the maps portray a dynamic evolution in the landscape and amenities of Fosbury, reflecting the changes and developments that occurred over the span of 35 years.