The maps show the outskirts of the town of Fosbury in 1980 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The two maps illustrate the changes of the residential area of the town of Fosbury over the 35 years period starting from 1980
Overview, it is clear that the outskirts of Fosbury witnessed a significant modernization. Most noticeably, the development of housing estate, the introduction of commercial sites, and the elimination of the fields.
Looking at the two maps for more detail, the traffic roundabout was erected exactly in the middle of the town. The most dramatical change was the residential area. Whereas it was laid in both side of the outskirts in 1980, the accommodations were comprehensively relocated in the left side of Fosbury, which both directly opposite to the park. In addition, the tennis courts were converted in the sports centre, which consisted of a car park.
As can be seen from the chart, the fields was experienced a tearing out, which were made room for warehouses and in close proximity to the commercial sites. Due to the map, the complex of flats were knocked down. While the groceries shop was transformed into the supermarket and relocated to the place of old housing estate, the hotel remained its location and directly opposite the car park.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the outskirts of Fosbury witnessed a significant modernization" -> "the outskirts of Fosbury underwent significant modernization"
Explanation: "Underwent" is more precise and academically appropriate than "witnessed" in this context, as it accurately describes the process of change that occurred in the area.
"the development of housing estate, the introduction of commercial sites, and the elimination of the fields" -> "the development of housing estates, the introduction of commercial sites, and the conversion of fields"
Explanation: "Housing estates" should be plural to match the plural context, and "conversion" is more specific and formal than "elimination," which might imply complete removal rather than transformation.
"the traffic roundabout was erected" -> "a traffic roundabout was constructed"
Explanation: "Constructed" is a more formal term than "erected," which is typically used for buildings or structures.
"dramatical" -> "dramatic"
Explanation: "Dramatical" is not a word; the correct term is "dramatic."
"the accommodations were comprehensively relocated" -> "the residential areas were comprehensively relocated"
Explanation: "Accommodations" is too vague and informal; "residential areas" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context.
"both directly opposite to the park" -> "directly opposite the park"
Explanation: Removing "both" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence.
"the fields was experienced a tearing out" -> "the fields underwent clearance"
Explanation: "Underwent clearance" is a more precise and formal way to describe the removal of fields, and "was experienced a tearing out" is grammatically incorrect.
"made room for warehouses and in close proximity to the commercial sites" -> "made way for warehouses and adjacent to commercial sites"
Explanation: "Made way for" is a more formal expression than "made room for," and "adjacent to" is more precise than "in close proximity to."
"the complex of flats were knocked down" -> "the complex of flats was demolished"
Explanation: "Was demolished" is a more formal and accurate term than "were knocked down," which is less formal and slightly colloquial.
"the groceries shop was transformed into the supermarket" -> "the grocery shop was converted into a supermarket"
Explanation: "Grocery shop" should be singular, and "converted into a supermarket" is more formal and precise than "transformed into the supermarket."
"the hotel remained its location" -> "the hotel retained its location"
Explanation: "Retained" is more formal and precise than "remained," which can be vague in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes in the outskirts of Fosbury between 1980 and 2015. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences. The essay also presents some key features, but it does not adequately cover all of them. For example, the essay mentions the development of a housing estate, but it does not provide any details about the size or location of the estate. The essay also mentions the introduction of commercial sites, but it does not provide any details about the types of businesses that are located there.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences between the two maps. The essay could also be improved by providing more details about the key features that are mentioned. For example, the essay could provide details about the size and location of the housing estate, the types of businesses that are located in the commercial sites, and the number of warehouses that were built. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes that occurred. For example, instead of saying that the fields were "experienced a tearing out," the essay could say that the fields were "replaced by warehouses."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization, attempting to describe changes between two maps of Fosbury’s outskirts in 1980 and 2015. There is an attempt at an overview, but it lacks clarity and coherence. Paragraphing is inconsistent, with some attempt to separate ideas but without clear logical progression. There are frequent issues with cohesion, as evidenced by awkward phrasing and unclear relationships between sentences and ideas. Repetition and unclear referencing also detract from cohesion.

How to improve:

Structure: Ensure a clear introduction and overview of the main changes shown in the maps.
Logical progression: Arrange information in a logical order that follows the changes over time.
Cohesion: Use cohesive devices (pronouns, conjunctions, etc.) effectively to connect ideas and sentences more clearly.
Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and logical sequence of ideas.

Improving these aspects will help to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with some errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. While there is an attempt to describe changes in the town of Fosbury, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive ("housing estate," "commercial sites," "residential area"). There are noticeable errors in word usage ("dramatical change," "accommodations were comprehensively relocated") and word forms ("the fields was experienced," "were made room for"). These errors occasionally hinder clarity and precision.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary beyond basic terms. Use synonyms and more descriptive phrases to enhance lexical diversity.
Correct Word Choice and Form: Pay attention to correct word forms and appropriate word choice. Review grammar rules related to singular/plural forms and verb tenses.
Spelling and Grammar: Double-check for spelling mistakes and grammar errors to ensure better clarity and readability.

Improving these areas will help achieve a higher band score by enhancing lexical resource and overall coherence in conveying ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of structures, including both simple and complex sentences. There is an effort to present comparisons and details, though some sentences lack clarity and coherence due to grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. The essay attempts to describe changes over time but struggles with accuracy and precision in language use.
How to improve: To achieve a higher score, focus on improving the accuracy and range of sentence structures. Work on using complex sentences more accurately and consistently. Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence in expressing ideas. Practice integrating comparisons and details smoothly within the essay structure.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report based on the original essay, focusing on enhancing grammar, clarity, and coherence while maintaining the original data points:

The two maps depict the changes in the residential area of Fosbury from 1980 to 2015. Overall, there was significant modernization in the outskirts of the town during this period.

In 1980, the residential area spanned both sides of Fosbury’s outskirts, with a notable presence of fields and scattered housing estates. The town’s central area featured a traffic roundabout.

By 2015, substantial transformations had occurred. The residential sector had consolidated to the left side of Fosbury, opposite the park. A sports centre, replacing former tennis courts, now included a car park. Additionally, the conversion of fields into warehouses near commercial zones was evident.

The complex of flats was demolished, and a supermarket replaced the grocery shop, which had originally been part of the housing estate. Notably, the hotel retained its original location, facing the car park.

In summary, over the 35-year period, Fosbury’s outskirts experienced a shift towards modernized residential and commercial spaces, with significant reorganization and redevelopment.

Word count: 150

This revised version maintains the original structure and data points while improving clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy. It provides a clearer overview of the changes observed in Fosbury from 1980 to 2015.