The mas compares the development of Stokeford in 1930 with that in 2010.

The maps compare Stokeford in 1930 with that in 2010. From an overall perspective, the landscape changed significantly over the period surveyed. As illustrated, the most remarkable change was the complete disappearance of farmland throughout the area. Along the main road running from south to north, many new houses were constructed, and additional homes were built that connected the main road to other areas on both the left and right sides of the land as observed on the map. In the central part of the land to the right of the main road, gardens were reduced in size, and a larger house was converted into a retirement home, with two new blocks added to it. It is important to note that the shops located on the left side of the main road to the north were demolished to make way for a new street. In contrast, the post office experienced no changes during this time frame. The primary school opposite the post office on the other side of the main road was expanded with the addition of two new blocks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the landscape changed significantly" -> "the landscape underwent significant changes"
Explanation: "Underwent significant changes" is more precise and formal than "changed significantly," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"the most remarkable change was the complete disappearance of farmland" -> "the most notable transformation was the total elimination of farmland"
Explanation: "Notable transformation" and "total elimination" are more formal and precise phrases that convey a stronger sense of change than "remarkable change" and "complete disappearance."
"many new houses were constructed" -> "numerous new houses were constructed"
Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal and precise term than "many," which enhances the academic tone of the writing.
"that connected the main road to other areas on both the left and right sides of the land" -> "that linked the main road to adjacent areas on both the left and right sides of the property"
Explanation: "Linked" is a more formal alternative to "connected," and "adjacent areas" is more precise than "other areas," improving clarity and formality.
"gardens were reduced in size" -> "the size of the gardens was diminished"
Explanation: This rephrasing uses a more formal structure, enhancing the academic tone and providing clarity regarding the change in size.
"a larger house was converted into a retirement home" -> "a larger residence was repurposed as a retirement home"
Explanation: "Residence" is a more formal term than "house," and "repurposed" conveys a more precise meaning than "converted," improving the academic quality of the writing.
"the shops located on the left side of the main road to the north were demolished" -> "the shops situated on the northern side of the main road were demolished"
Explanation: "Situated" is a more formal term than "located," and "northern side" is more precise than "left side," enhancing clarity and formality.
"to make way for a new street" -> "to accommodate the construction of a new street"
Explanation: "Accommodate the construction of" is a more formal and precise phrase than "make way for," improving the academic tone.
"the post office experienced no changes during this time frame" -> "the post office remained unchanged during this period"
Explanation: "Remained unchanged" is more concise and formal than "experienced no changes," enhancing clarity and academic style.
"the primary school opposite the post office on the other side of the main road was expanded" -> "the primary school situated opposite the post office across the main road was expanded"
Explanation: "Situated" and "across" are more formal and precise than "opposite" and "on the other side of," improving the academic tone and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main changes that occurred in Stokeford between 1930 and 2010. It highlights the key features of the changes, such as the disappearance of farmland and the construction of new houses. The essay also provides some details about the changes, such as the conversion of a large house into a retirement home. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the changes, such as the number of new houses that were built or the size of the retirement home.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes that occurred in Stokeford. For example, the essay could state the number of new houses that were built or the size of the retirement home. The essay could also provide more information about the changes to the primary school, such as the number of new blocks that were added or the purpose of the new blocks.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the response. It effectively describes the changes in Stokeford between 1930 and 2010, with each paragraph focusing on specific aspects of the development. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are moments where the connections between ideas could be enhanced for smoother transitions. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, but some sentences may feel slightly mechanical or could benefit from more varied linking phrases.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer could work on enhancing the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph flows more seamlessly into the next would improve overall coherence. Incorporating more complex sentence structures and varying the language used to describe changes could also strengthen the essay’s cohesion and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "remarkable," "demolished," and "converted," which contribute to the overall clarity of the description. However, there are instances of imprecise word choices, such as "the landscape changed significantly," which could be more specific regarding what aspects of the landscape changed. Additionally, there are minor errors in word formation and phrasing that do not impede communication but indicate a need for improvement in lexical accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary with more precise meanings and improved collocation. This can be done by using synonyms for common words, ensuring that less common vocabulary is used accurately, and minimizing errors in spelling and word formation. Practicing the use of advanced vocabulary in context and reviewing common collocations can also enhance lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns well with the criteria for Band 7. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, although there are minor errors present that do not significantly impede understanding. The sentence structures are generally varied, and the overall coherence of the essay is maintained throughout.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the range of grammatical structures used, ensuring that more sentences are complex and error-free. Additionally, careful proofreading could help to eliminate any minor errors that occur, thereby enhancing overall accuracy. Expanding on ideas with more complex sentence forms and ensuring that punctuation is consistently correct would also contribute to a higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps compare Stokeford in 1930 with its development in 2010.From an overall perspective, the landscape changed significantly over the period surveyed. As illustrated, the most remarkable change was the complete disappearance of farmland throughout the area. Along the main road running from south to north, many new houses were constructed, and additional homes were built that connected the main road to other areas on both the left and right sides of the land, as observed on the map. In the central part of the land to the right of the main road, gardens were reduced in size, and a larger house was converted into a retirement home, with two new blocks added to it. It is important to note that the shops located on the left side of the main road to the north were demolished to make way for a new street. In contrast, the post office experienced no changes during this time frame. The primary school opposite the post office on the other side of the main road was expanded with the addition of two new blocks.