fbpx

The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

It is true that the natural resources , including oil, forests, or clean water are being depleted at an ever-increased rate. This tendency might cause a variety of problems and I will outline several viable solutions that should be adopted to remedy the situation.

The overexploitation of the natural resources could exert negative impacts on both the environment and the human race. Consider the depletion of oil and forests as an example, while the former is often exploited to create fossil fuels to power vehicles and machinery, the latter is used for producing paper or furniture. Since fossil-based vehicles often released a massive amount of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, the matters are even worsen because trees are the key to reduce such toxic gases. The corollary of this is that the world is severely suffering from air pollution, giving rise to hazardous natural disasters and making people more susceptible to respiratory diseases, such as lung cancer or asthma. In addition, the overconsumption of fresh water in developing and developed countries could lead to the dearth of clean water in destitute regions in underdeveloped ones. Take, for instance, Africa, where there are thousands of people die from infectious diseases like cholera or dysentery for drinking unsafe water every year.

Fortunately, there are several measures that governments could implement to curb the situation. First and foremost, the authorities should allocate more subsidies to developing and introducing more sustainable energy sources, such as solar and wind energy. Such financial allocations, as a result, could help reduce the amount of exhaust fumes released into the air, making discernible contributions to the battle against air pollution and climate change. Another remedy is that the governing bodies should invest more in mounting awareness campaigns to make residents become cognizant of the detrimental impacts on the environment stemming from their overconsumption. Once they understand the severe damage of natural disasters or the desperate situation of others in other parts of the world, they will be more likely to opt for a more sustainable lifestyle, for example in the form of using electric vehicles or becoming water-efficient.

In conclusion, the overconsumption of the Earth’s resources resulting from our energy-hungry lifestyles could have detrimental impacts on our planet and even prolong the time suffering of other less fortunate people. I believe that the answers would lie in promoting the use of green energy sources and raising people’s awareness about environmental protection.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "ever-increased rate" -> "ever-increasing rate"
    Explanation: "Ever-increasing rate" is a more precise and grammatically correct phrase that aligns with academic style. It accurately conveys the continuous rise in the depletion of natural resources.

  2. "might cause" -> "may lead to"
    Explanation: "May lead to" is a more formal and nuanced expression, fitting for academic writing. It imparts a sense of causation with a slightly stronger connection between the depletion of natural resources and the potential problems.

  3. "viable solutions" -> "effective solutions"
    Explanation: "Effective solutions" conveys a stronger sense of practicality and success, which aligns better with an academic tone. It suggests that the proposed solutions are not just possible but are likely to produce the desired outcomes.

  4. "could exert negative impacts" -> "can have detrimental effects"
    Explanation: "Can have detrimental effects" is a more straightforward and formal way to express the adverse consequences of overexploiting natural resources. It avoids unnecessary complexity while maintaining academic language.

  5. "Consider the depletion of oil and forests as an example," -> "Take the depletion of oil and forests, for example,"
    Explanation: "Take the depletion of oil and forests, for example," is a more concise and grammatically correct way to introduce examples. It enhances the flow of the sentence and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "while the former is often exploited" -> "whereas the former is frequently exploited"
    Explanation: "Whereas the former is frequently exploited" is a more formal and precise expression. It replaces the informal "while" with "whereas" and introduces a more academic frequency adverb.

  7. "matters are even worsen" -> "matters are worsened"
    Explanation: "Matters are worsened" is the correct usage, providing a grammatically sound alternative. It maintains the passive construction while using the appropriate past participle "worsened."

  8. "corollary of this is that" -> "consequence of this is that"
    Explanation: "Consequence of this is that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase, providing a direct and clear connection between the exploitation of natural resources and the ensuing problems.

  9. "giving rise to hazardous natural disasters" -> "resulting in hazardous natural disasters"
    Explanation: "Resulting in hazardous natural disasters" is a more precise and formal expression. It accurately conveys the cause-and-effect relationship between air pollution and the emergence of natural disasters.

  10. "dearth of clean water" -> "scarcity of clean water"
    Explanation: "Scarcity of clean water" is a more formal and commonly used term in academic writing. It replaces the less formal "dearth" with a more academically appropriate synonym.

  11. "destitute regions in underdeveloped ones" -> "impoverished regions in underdeveloped areas"
    Explanation: "Impoverished regions in underdeveloped areas" is a more accurate and formal expression, avoiding redundancy and providing a clearer description of the affected areas.

  12. "subsidies to developing and introducing" -> "subsidies to develop and introduce"
    Explanation: "Subsidies to develop and introduce" corrects the grammatical error, ensuring proper verb usage in the context of allocating financial support.

  13. "as a result, could help" -> "consequently, could help"
    Explanation: "Consequently, could help" is a more formal transition that enhances the coherence of the sentence. It maintains the cause-and-effect relationship between financial allocations and the reduction of exhaust fumes.

  14. "make residents become cognizant" -> "make residents aware"
    Explanation: "Make residents aware" is a simpler and more direct way to express the idea, aligning with academic clarity and avoiding unnecessary complexity.

  15. "suffering of other less fortunate people" -> "suffering of less privileged populations"
    Explanation: "Suffering of less privileged populations" is a more formal and inclusive phrase that avoids the informal "less fortunate people" while maintaining the intended meaning.

  16. "answers would lie in" -> "solutions lie in"
    Explanation: "Solutions lie in" is a more direct and formal expression, conveying the idea that the proposed measures are the key to addressing the issue.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing the problems caused by the alarming rate of natural resource consumption and proposing viable solutions. The problems are clearly outlined, including the environmental and human impact of overexploitation of oil, forests, and fresh water. Relevant examples are provided, such as the link between fossil fuel use and air pollution. However, there is room for improvement in fully elaborating on the potential consequences of resource depletion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could delve deeper into the consequences of resource depletion, providing more detailed examples and exploring potential cascading effects on ecosystems and societies. Additionally, ensuring that each point is thoroughly developed will contribute to a more comprehensive response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position, advocating for the promotion of green energy sources and increased awareness of environmental protection. The stance is evident in the introduction, elaborated upon in the body paragraphs, and reinforced in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state the proposed solutions in the introduction and reiterate them in the conclusion. This would leave a lasting impression on the reader and reinforce the author’s standpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas and supports them with examples. The explanation of problems arising from resource depletion is well-supported with specific instances, such as the impact of fossil fuels on air pollution and the consequences of water overconsumption in Africa. However, some ideas could be extended for a more thorough exploration.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more depth to the solutions proposed. For instance, elaborating on the specific steps involved in implementing sustainable energy sources and detailing the components of awareness campaigns would enrich the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the problems caused by resource consumption and suggesting solutions. However, there are instances where the connection between the examples provided and the main topic could be more explicit.
    • How to improve: Ensure that examples provided directly relate to the problems and solutions discussed. Clearly articulate the relevance of each example to avoid any ambiguity and reinforce the essay’s focus on the prompt.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more comprehensive examples, explicitly stating solutions, and ensuring absolute clarity in the connection between examples and the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. However, there are instances of disjointed ideas, such as the abrupt transition from discussing air pollution to freshwater scarcity. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more explicit signposting to guide the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and recapitulating key points in the conclusion to reinforce the overall structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, yet some are lengthy, leading to a potential loss of clarity. For instance, the paragraph addressing air pollution and its consequences could be broken down for better readability and emphasis on distinct aspects.
    • How to improve: Aim for more concise paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This helps in presenting ideas more distinctly. Ensure a clear structure within each paragraph, including a topic sentence and supporting details.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, but there’s room for improvement in variety and precision. Examples of cohesive devices include "consider," "for instance," and "in conclusion." However, a broader range of transition words and phrases could be employed to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (however, therefore), transitional phrases (in addition, on the contrary), and pronouns to improve coherence. Ensure that each cohesive device serves a specific purpose in guiding the reader through the essay.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fairly broad range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "depleted," "overexploitation," "corollary," "discernible," and "dearth." However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of vocabulary. The repetition of phrases like "natural resources" and the use of somewhat basic terms such as "matter" could be expanded to enhance the overall richness of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical range, consider using synonyms or varied expressions for commonly used terms. For instance, instead of frequently using "natural resources," you could employ alternatives like "environmental assets" or "essential elements of the ecosystem." Additionally, explore more advanced vocabulary related to the topic to add nuance and depth to your arguments.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary. For example, terms like "overconsumption," "exhaust fumes," and "sustainable energy sources" are employed with accuracy. However, there are instances where more specific and precise vocabulary could enhance the clarity of the message. For instance, the phrase "matters are even worsen" could be refined to "the situation exacerbates."
    • How to improve: Focus on using precise and accurate vocabulary to convey your ideas. In cases where expressions seem less precise, consider refining them to provide a clearer and more exact meaning. This can involve using specific terms related to environmental issues, pollution, or resource management, depending on the context.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "increased" instead of "increasing," "governing" instead of "government," and "mounting" instead of "promoting." While these errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, refining spelling accuracy would contribute to a more polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling details during the proofreading process. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to catch minor errors. Additionally, consider practicing spelling through exercises or writing prompts to reinforce accurate word usage and enhance overall spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are employed. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in the explanation of the impacts of overexploitation on both the environment and humans. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety. There is a tendency to rely on straightforward sentence structures, which, while grammatically correct, might make the writing less engaging.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. Introduce varied sentence beginnings, such as using introductory phrases or clauses, to create a more dynamic flow. For instance, instead of consistently starting sentences with subjects, experiment with different sentence structures for improved expressiveness.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. There is a minor issue with subject-verb agreement, as seen in the sentence "Since fossil-based vehicles often released a massive amount of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, the matters are even worsen because trees are the key to reduce such toxic gases." The correct form should be "Since fossil-based vehicles often release a massive amount of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, the matters are even worse because trees are the key to reducing such toxic gases." Additionally, there are occasional punctuation errors, such as unnecessary commas, as seen in "It is true that the natural resources, including oil, forests, or clean water are being depleted at an ever-increased rate."
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs agree in number with their subjects. Proofread the essay for punctuation errors, particularly the placement of commas. Consider using more varied punctuation, such as semicolons or em dashes, to add clarity and sophistication to the writing. Moreover, make sure to follow a consistent style throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and a reasonable variety of sentence structures. To improve, focus on incorporating more diverse sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical and punctuation errors for enhanced clarity and sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that natural resources such as oil, forests, and clean water are being depleted at an ever-increasing rate. This trend may lead to a variety of problems, and I will outline some potential issues along with effective solutions to address them.

The overexploitation of natural resources can have detrimental effects on both the environment and humanity. Take the depletion of oil and forests, for example. Whereas the former is frequently exploited to create fossil fuels for vehicles and machinery, the latter is used in the production of paper or furniture. Fossil-based vehicles release a massive amount of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, worsening matters as trees play a crucial role in reducing such toxic gases. Consequently, the world is severely suffering from air pollution, resulting in hazardous natural disasters and making people more susceptible to respiratory diseases, like lung cancer or asthma. Additionally, the overconsumption of fresh water in both developing and developed countries could lead to a scarcity of clean water in impoverished regions in underdeveloped areas. For instance, in Africa, thousands of people die from infectious diseases like cholera or dysentery due to drinking unsafe water every year.

Fortunately, there are several effective solutions that governments could adopt to mitigate these issues. Firstly, authorities should allocate subsidies to develop and introduce more sustainable energy sources, such as solar and wind energy. Such financial support could help reduce the amount of exhaust fumes released into the air, making notable contributions to the battle against air pollution and climate change. Another solution is for governing bodies to invest more in awareness campaigns to make residents aware of the detrimental impacts of their overconsumption on the environment. Once people understand the severe consequences, they are more likely to choose a more sustainable lifestyle, such as using electric vehicles or adopting water-efficient practices.

In conclusion, the overconsumption of the Earth’s resources resulting from our energy-hungry lifestyles could have detrimental impacts on our planet and prolong the suffering of less privileged populations. Effective solutions lie in promoting the use of green energy sources and raising awareness about environmental protection among the general population.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *