The negative effect of smoking

smoking is one of the most concerned problems in the world today. It can cause a number of complications which are harmful to health. First of all, tobacco is an effective way to stimulate mood as it can temporarily put you in a good mood. However, smoking can bring the dependence and withdrawal side effects which are normally challenging to to deal with such as anxiety and irritability. Furthermore, a lot of respiratory diseases can be caused by using cigarettes like lung cancer, asthma or heart disease. Their smoke affect not only to user but also to some who exposed to secondhand smoke. In addition, smoking can be dangerous to women who are pregnant since it can increase the risk of miscarriage and issues in your newborn. Besides, skin problems are also worrisome because it causes dry face surface and premature aging so your skin get less nutrition. In conclusion, smoking if one of the big issues because it causes troubles to both tobacco users and human nearby, so we have to enhance the awareness of people to limit the use of cigarettes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"smoking is one of the most concerned problems" -> "smoking is one of the most significant concerns"
Explanation: "Concerned" is incorrectly used here. "Concerns" is the correct noun form, and "significant" is more precise in an academic context to describe the importance of the issue.
"can cause a number of complications which are harmful to health" -> "can lead to numerous health complications"
Explanation: "Complications" is redundant when preceded by "number of." "Lead to" is a more direct and formal way to express causality than "cause a number of."
"tobacco is an effective way to stimulate mood" -> "tobacco can temporarily elevate mood"
Explanation: "Effective way" is vague and informal. "Elevate" is more precise and academically appropriate, and "can" is preferred over "is" for a conditional statement.
"bring the dependence and withdrawal side effects" -> "induce dependence and withdrawal symptoms"
Explanation: "Bring" is too informal and vague; "induce" is more precise and formal. "Symptoms" is the correct term for describing the effects of withdrawal.
"normally challenging to to deal with" -> "typically difficult to manage"
Explanation: The double "to" is a typographical error. "Typically difficult to manage" is more formal and corrects the grammatical error.
"a lot of respiratory diseases" -> "numerous respiratory diseases"
Explanation: "A lot of" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal.
"Their smoke affect not only to user but also to some who exposed to secondhand smoke" -> "Their smoke not only affects the user but also those exposed to secondhand smoke"
Explanation: "Affect" should be "affects" for subject-verb agreement. "Those exposed" is grammatically correct and more formal than "some who exposed."
"smoking can be dangerous to women who are pregnant" -> "smoking poses risks for pregnant women"
Explanation: "Can be dangerous" is informal and vague; "poses risks" is more direct and formal. "For pregnant women" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"issues in your newborn" -> "complications in the newborn"
Explanation: "Issues" is too vague; "complications" is specific and appropriate for medical contexts.
"skin get less nutrition" -> "skin receives less nutrition"
Explanation: "Get" is too informal and imprecise; "receives" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"smoking if one of the big issues" -> "smoking is one of the major issues"
Explanation: "If" is incorrect in this context; "is" is the correct linking verb. "Major" is more precise than "big" in formal writing.
"enhance the awareness of people to limit the use of cigarettes" -> "increase public awareness to reduce cigarette use"
Explanation: "Enhance the awareness of people" is awkward and verbose; "increase public awareness" is more concise and formal. "Reduce" is a more precise verb than "limit" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the negative effects of smoking, which is the primary focus of the prompt. However, it lacks depth in exploring the various dimensions of the topic. While it mentions health complications such as respiratory diseases and the impact on pregnant women, it does not sufficiently cover broader societal implications or preventative measures. The discussion is somewhat superficial and does not fully engage with the complexity of the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including more comprehensive points, such as the economic costs of smoking on healthcare systems, the social stigma associated with smoking, or the effectiveness of anti-smoking campaigns. Providing a more rounded perspective will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position against smoking, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. While it starts with a clear identification of smoking as a problem, the argument becomes muddled with the mention of tobacco’s mood-stimulating effects, which could confuse readers about the writer’s overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should avoid introducing contradictory points. Instead, they could acknowledge the temporary benefits of smoking only to refute them with stronger arguments about the long-term health risks. A clear thesis statement at the beginning and a reaffirmation of this position in the conclusion would also help solidify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the negative effects of smoking, such as health risks and social consequences. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence or examples. For instance, while it mentions respiratory diseases, it does not provide statistics or studies to back up these claims, which weakens the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with relevant examples or data. For instance, citing specific studies on the health impacts of smoking or mentioning statistics about secondhand smoke exposure would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the negative effects of smoking. However, there are moments where the discussion strays, particularly when mentioning the mood-stimulating effects of tobacco. This point could be seen as a diversion from the main argument about the dangers of smoking.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the negative implications of smoking. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to keep the discussion aligned with the central theme. Additionally, removing any tangential points that do not contribute to the argument will help strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, maintain a consistent position, support ideas with evidence, and stay focused on the main argument throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a generally logical order, beginning with an introduction to the issue of smoking and its health complications. The progression from discussing the psychological effects of smoking to its physical health impacts is coherent. However, some points could be better connected. For instance, while the essay mentions respiratory diseases, it could benefit from a more structured approach that categorizes the effects of smoking (e.g., psychological, physical health, and social implications) before concluding with a call to action.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider creating a clear outline before writing. Group similar ideas together and use headings or transitional phrases to signal shifts in topic. For example, after discussing the psychological effects, a transition such as "In addition to these psychological impacts, smoking also poses significant physical health risks" could improve flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which affects its readability and coherence. Currently, it reads as a single block of text, making it difficult for readers to identify distinct ideas. Each major point (psychological effects, physical health risks, and social implications) should ideally be presented in separate paragraphs to enhance clarity and focus.
- How to improve: Implement a structured paragraph format where each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. For instance, start a new paragraph for the discussion on respiratory diseases and another for the effects on pregnant women. This will help readers follow the argument more easily and understand the different facets of the issue.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "however," and "in addition." These devices help connect ideas, but their usage is somewhat limited and repetitive. For example, the phrase "in addition" is used to introduce new points, but varying the transitions could enhance the essay’s flow. Additionally, the use of pronouns and synonyms could be improved to avoid repetition and create smoother connections between sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, use pronouns effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can reduce redundancy. For example, instead of repeating "smoking," use "this habit" or "it" in subsequent sentences to maintain coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant information, improvements in organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of smoking, such as "complications," "dependence," "withdrawal side effects," and "respiratory diseases." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the term "smoking" is used frequently without synonyms or related terms that could enhance the lexical diversity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "smoking," you could use "tobacco use," "cigarette consumption," or "nicotine addiction." Additionally, explore more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to enrich your writing, such as "devastating health effects" or "significant societal impact."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "effective way to stimulate mood" could be misleading, as it implies a positive connotation of smoking, which contradicts the overall negative tone of the essay. Additionally, "their smoke affect not only to user" contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the negative aspects of smoking. Instead of "effective way to stimulate mood," consider using "temporary relief from stress" or "short-lived euphoria." Ensure that subject-verb agreement is maintained, as in "its smoke affects not only the user." This precision will strengthen your argument and clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "to to deal with" (should be "to deal with"), "affect" (should be "affects"), and "get less nutrition" (should be "receives less nutrition"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work before submission. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools, or read your essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms, particularly those relevant to your topic.

By addressing these areas of improvement, you can enhance your lexical resource and overall writing quality, potentially raising your band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences such as "smoking is one of the most concerned problems in the world today" are prevalent. There are also some compound sentences, like "However, smoking can bring the dependence and withdrawal side effects which are normally challenging to deal with such as anxiety and irritability." However, the essay lacks more complex structures that could enhance its sophistication, such as conditional clauses or varied sentence openings. The use of phrases like "In addition" and "First of all" indicates an attempt to organize thoughts, but the overall variety remains limited.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "smoking can be dangerous to women who are pregnant," a more complex structure could be "If women smoke during pregnancy, they not only endanger their health but also that of their unborn child." Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and integrating relative clauses can add depth. Regular practice with sentence transformation exercises can also be beneficial.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "Their smoke affect not only to user but also to some who exposed to secondhand smoke" contains subject-verb agreement errors ("affect" should be "affects") and incorrect preposition usage ("to user" should be "to users"). Additionally, the phrase "so your skin get less nutrition" has a subject-verb agreement error ("get" should be "gets"). Punctuation is generally used correctly, but the essay would benefit from more varied punctuation, such as commas to separate clauses for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises that target these areas can help. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common errors before submission can catch mistakes. Reading more complex texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and improve overall fluency.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments regarding the negative effects of smoking, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will be crucial for achieving a higher band score in the IELTS writing task. Regular practice and targeted feedback can significantly aid in this development.

Bài sửa mẫu

Smoking is one of the most significant concerns in the world today. It can lead to numerous health complications that are harmful to individuals. First of all, tobacco is an effective way to stimulate mood, as it can temporarily elevate one’s spirits. However, smoking can induce dependence and withdrawal symptoms, which are typically difficult to manage, such as anxiety and irritability. Furthermore, numerous respiratory diseases can be caused by using cigarettes, including lung cancer, asthma, and heart disease. Their smoke not only affects the user but also those exposed to secondhand smoke. In addition, smoking poses risks for pregnant women, as it can increase the likelihood of miscarriage and complications in the newborn. Moreover, skin problems are also concerning because smoking causes a dry facial surface and premature aging, as the skin receives less nutrition. In conclusion, smoking is one of the major issues because it creates problems for both tobacco users and those nearby. Therefore, we must increase public awareness to reduce cigarette use.