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The old tradition of a family having meals together is disappearing. What are the reasons behind this? How does it affect the individuals and the community?

The old tradition of a family having meals together is disappearing.
What are the reasons behind this?
How does it affect the individuals and the community?

In modern society, people hardly ever had chances to have meals with their family. In this essay, I will examine the reasons of this circumstance as well as analyze the primary impacts that trend has caused on both individuals and the community.
Several aspects of contemporary times have changed some of our traditions, including the disappearance of family meals. Firstly, the fast-paced life can be attributed to the main cause of this situation. Since people have struggled with their financial security, many of them work all day and face difficulty balancing between work and life. In fact, when individuals prioritize work, they might not be health conscious, and potentially skip their meals and reduce the frequency of family dining. Secondly, the lack of awareness of traditional values may contribute to this issue. Many young adults, for instance, consider having meals with their parents as a burden as they see this practice as a time-wasting and conservative act. They aim to dine with individuals who may offer them opportunities and knowledge, such as business partners or mentors.
Consequently, the absence of family meals causes detrimental effects not only on individuals but also on the community. Regarding individuals, since every relationship needs quality time for sharing and being together, lack of dining time may affect family bonds. This means that if family members cut meal times, they will have fewer chances to share stories and release emotions with their beloved ones. In terms of community, a tradition disappearance may lead to the loss of others. When people undervalue some traditional values, having meals with family, for example, they will get accustomed and continue to decrease their awareness extent of other traditional acts. As a result, a society with fewer and fewer shared identities among its population would exist.
In conclusion, life with financial challenges along with a lack of interest in tradition are the main reasons to the disappearance of family meals, which results in profound impacts on family members and society. Therefore, citizens and the government should keep these effects in perspective so that they can acknowledge the bright sides of tradition and have solutions to tackle this problem.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "hardly ever had chances" -> "rarely have opportunities"
    Explanation: Replacing "hardly ever had chances" with "rarely have opportunities" elevates the formality of the language and improves precision, avoiding colloquialism.

  2. "In this essay, I will examine" -> "This essay will scrutinize"
    Explanation: Changing "In this essay, I will examine" to "This essay will scrutinize" maintains a formal tone by eliminating unnecessary phrases and using a more direct expression.

  3. "Several aspects of contemporary times" -> "Various facets of modern society"
    Explanation: Substituting "Several aspects of contemporary times" with "Various facets of modern society" enhances the sophistication of the language and provides a more precise description.

  4. "the main cause of this situation" -> "the primary factor contributing to this situation"
    Explanation: Replacing "the main cause of this situation" with "the primary factor contributing to this situation" adds specificity and formality to the statement.

  5. "fast-paced life" -> "hectic lifestyles"
    Explanation: Changing "fast-paced life" to "hectic lifestyles" maintains the original meaning while using a more formal and nuanced term.

  6. "financial security" -> "financial stability"
    Explanation: Substituting "financial security" with "financial stability" is a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic style.

  7. "many of them work all day" -> "many individuals work throughout the day"
    Explanation: Replacing "many of them work all day" with "many individuals work throughout the day" enhances formality and clarity.

  8. "health conscious" -> "conscious of their health"
    Explanation: Changing "health conscious" to "conscious of their health" maintains the intended meaning while adhering to a more formal structure.

  9. "potentially skip their meals" -> "potentially forgo their meals"
    Explanation: Substituting "potentially skip their meals" with "potentially forgo their meals" adds a level of formality to the expression.

  10. "the lack of awareness of traditional values" -> "a lack of awareness regarding traditional values"
    Explanation: Replacing "the lack of awareness of traditional values" with "a lack of awareness regarding traditional values" improves the sentence’s structure and formality.

  11. "young adults" -> "young individuals"
    Explanation: Changing "young adults" to "young individuals" maintains a formal tone and broadens the applicability of the term.

  12. "a time-wasting" -> "an inefficient use of time"
    Explanation: Substituting "a time-wasting" with "an inefficient use of time" conveys the same idea more formally and precisely.

  13. "dine with individuals who may offer them opportunities and knowledge" -> "dine with individuals who may provide opportunities and knowledge"
    Explanation: Removing the redundant "offer them" makes the sentence more concise and academically precise.

  14. "Regarding individuals" -> "Concerning individuals"
    Explanation: Changing "Regarding individuals" to "Concerning individuals" maintains formality and provides a suitable alternative.

  15. "a tradition disappearance" -> "the disappearance of a tradition"
    Explanation: Replacing "a tradition disappearance" with "the disappearance of a tradition" improves the sentence’s structure and clarity.

  16. "shared identities among its population would exist" -> "shared identities within its population would persist"
    Explanation: Substituting "shared identities among its population would exist" with "shared identities within its population would persist" enhances the formality and clarity of the statement.

  17. "acknowledge the bright sides" -> "acknowledge the positive aspects"
    Explanation: Changing "acknowledge the bright sides" to "acknowledge the positive aspects" maintains formality and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the reasons behind the disappearance of family meals and explores the impacts on both individuals and the community. Relevant sections include the identification of fast-paced life and the lack of awareness of traditional values as causes.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples or elaborating further on the impacts. For instance, offer specific instances of how the lack of family meals affects relationships within the family and elaborate on the consequences for the community in more detail.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by asserting that the fast-paced life and the lack of interest in tradition are the main reasons for the disappearance of family meals. The thesis is evident in the introduction and consistently supported in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay’s clarity, explicitly state the main argument in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the reader’s understanding of the essay’s position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some development and support. For example, it discusses the impact on family bonds and societal traditions. However, the development could be more nuanced, with additional examples or elaboration on the consequences for individuals and the community.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of ideas, provide more specific examples and consider exploring counterarguments to demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the disappearance of family meals and its reasons and impacts. However, there are moments where the connection to the main topic could be clearer.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic, avoiding any tangential discussions. Additionally, clearly establish the relevance of each example or point to the overall theme of disappearing family meals.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing the reasons behind the disappearance of family meals and its consequences. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples, strengthening the clarity of the thesis, and ensuring that all points directly contribute to the central topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly outlines the main points to be discussed, and each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the reasons behind the disappearance of family meals and its impacts. The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points made in the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the transition between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph’s topic sentence directly connects to the previous one, creating a seamless progression of ideas. Additionally, be cautious of maintaining a balanced distribution of information across paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the third paragraph could be more structured. It combines information on both individual and community impacts, making it less clear in terms of organization.
    • How to improve: Consider splitting the third paragraph into two separate paragraphs—one focusing on individual impacts and the other on community impacts. This will create a more organized and reader-friendly structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional words and phrases (e.g., "firstly," "secondly," "consequently," "in conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, guiding the reader through the logical progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: While the essay already uses cohesive devices effectively, try incorporating a broader range of linking words and expressions. This can add nuance to the connections between sentences and paragraphs, contributing to a more sophisticated and cohesive writing style.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve, focus on refining paragraph transitions for a smoother flow, structuring paragraphs more effectively, and incorporating a diverse range of cohesive devices to enhance overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, employing words and phrases like "contemporary," "detrimental effects," "awareness extent," and "profound impacts." However, there’s room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of vocabulary usage. Some phrases lack depth and could be more varied.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical richness, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of frequently repeating phrases like "main reasons" or "lack of," explore synonyms or related terms to convey ideas with greater precision and depth. Utilize more varied adjectives, adverbs, and idiomatic expressions where appropriate to elevate the language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using specific vocabulary; however, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could be employed. For example, phrases like "time-wasting" could be replaced with a more precise term such as "inefficient" or "unproductive." The essay occasionally lacks precision in expressing certain ideas.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using vocabulary that precisely encapsulates the intended meaning. Refine phrases by selecting words that convey the exact connotation desired. Thesaurus tools may help explore alternative words that align more precisely with the essay’s ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains an acceptable level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "extent" (instead of "extent of") and "financial challenges along with a lack of interest." These errors slightly impact the overall presentation and clarity.
    • How to improve: Reviewing the essay after completion is crucial. Utilize spell-check tools and allocate time specifically for proofreading to catch any overlooked spelling errors. Additionally, paying attention to word structures (like prepositions and articles) can help improve accuracy.

Overall Feedback:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments regarding the decline of family meals in modern society and its impacts. To enhance the lexical resource, focus on expanding the range of vocabulary with more diverse and sophisticated terms. Strive for precision in word choice to convey ideas more accurately and refine spelling accuracy through careful proofreading techniques. With these improvements, the essay can achieve a higher band score by exhibiting a more nuanced and refined use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mixture of simple and complex sentences. While it effectively communicates ideas, there’s room for more sophisticated structures like conditional sentences, relative clauses, or inversion to enhance the overall variety.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider integrating more complex sentence types. For instance, incorporate conditional sentences to present hypothetical scenarios ("If more emphasis were placed on family meals, individuals might experience…"). Introduce relative clauses to add specificity and depth to descriptions ("Families who prioritize dining together tend to foster stronger bonds…"). Additionally, explore inversion to emphasize certain ideas or create a more varied rhythm in the essay.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar usage. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement and tense consistency could be improved. For example, in the sentence "In modern society, people hardly ever had chances," the tense should be consistent (people hardly ever have chances) to align with the present discussion.
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and maintain consistency in tenses throughout the essay. Review each sentence to ensure that verbs align with their subjects in both tense and number. Proofreading for these specific grammatical nuances will refine the overall accuracy of the writing.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates proficient punctuation usage overall. Commas, periods, and apostrophes are appropriately used to structure sentences and separate ideas. However, there are occasional instances where commas could enhance clarity or where incorrect punctuation might slightly disrupt readability.
    • How to improve: Use commas more deliberately to clarify meaning and aid readability, especially in longer sentences or before conjunctions joining independent clauses. For instance, in the sentence "Consequently, the absence of family meals causes detrimental effects," adding a comma after "Consequently" would improve the flow. Additionally, review the use of punctuation marks like dashes or semicolons to diversify sentence structures and add nuance where suitable.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, enhancing sentence variety, maintaining strict grammatical accuracy, and refining punctuation for clarity and precision will further elevate the quality of the writing, potentially pushing the score toward an even higher band. Practicing diverse sentence structures, revisiting grammar rules, and fine-tuning punctuation skills through consistent practice and revision will significantly enhance the overall fluency and accuracy of future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, individuals rarely have opportunities to share meals with their families. This essay will scrutinize the reasons behind this trend and explore the primary impacts on both individuals and the community.

Various facets of modern society have contributed to the disappearance of the tradition of family meals. The primary factor contributing to this situation is the hectic lifestyles that many individuals lead. Struggling with financial stability, many people work throughout the day, facing challenges in balancing work and personal life. As a consequence, individuals, conscious of their health, may potentially forgo their meals and reduce the frequency of dining with their families.

Additionally, a lack of awareness regarding traditional values plays a role in this issue. Young individuals, in particular, view having meals with their parents as an inefficient use of time, considering it a burdensome and conservative practice. Instead, they aim to dine with individuals who may provide opportunities and knowledge, such as business partners or mentors.

Concerning individuals, the disappearance of the tradition of family meals has detrimental effects. The absence of shared dining time may impact family bonds, as every relationship requires quality time for sharing and being together. Without regular meal times, family members have fewer chances to share stories and release emotions with their loved ones.

On a broader scale, the community also suffers from the disappearance of this tradition. The shared identities within its population would persist if traditions like family meals were upheld. However, the neglect of such values may lead to the loss of other traditions, as people become accustomed to undervaluing their significance. Consequently, a society with fewer shared identities among its population would exist.

In conclusion, the fast-paced life and a lack of interest in tradition are the main reasons behind the disappearance of family meals. This trend profoundly impacts both individuals and society, affecting family bonds and contributing to the loss of shared identities within the community. It is essential for citizens and the government to acknowledge the positive aspects of tradition and work towards solutions to address this societal challenge.

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