The picture shows how to produce leather goods.

The given diagram depicts the process of making leather products to cater for human consumption.
In general, what stands out is that the process entails a range of stages, which commences with drying animal skin and culminates with the final leather goods.
As revealed from the process, animal skin collected from different sources undergoes a meticulous drying step, after which it is transported to the specialized factory via lorries where it ís processed. In the subsequent stage, the skin is subjected to the careful washing phase using water and lime to eliminate unwanted impurities and dirt, which is then soaking in lime to deodorize.
Shifting to the focus on remaining steps, the flattering stage is applied to animal skin by a specialized machine before soaking again in a liquid named Tannin consisting of water and vegetable matter. Moving forward, the skin is completely treated with the polishing step before moving to another factory in trucks. Ultimately, it is produced to the final products such as handbags, shoes to cater for human needs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"cater for human consumption" -> "serve human needs"
Explanation: "Cater for human consumption" is somewhat informal and vague. "Serve human needs" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.
"what stands out is that the process entails a range of stages" -> "the process consists of several distinct stages"
Explanation: "What stands out is that" is an informal phrase. "Consists of several distinct stages" is more formal and precise, enhancing clarity.
"commences with drying animal skin" -> "begins with the drying of animal skin"
Explanation: "Commences with" can sound overly complex. "Begins with the drying of" is clearer and maintains formal tone.
"as revealed from the process" -> "as illustrated by the process"
Explanation: "Revealed from" is vague; "illustrated by" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"meticulous drying step" -> "careful drying process"
Explanation: "Meticulous" may imply excessive attention to detail, which is not necessary here. "Careful" is more straightforward and appropriate.
"which is then soaking in lime to deodorize" -> "which is subsequently soaked in lime to deodorize"
Explanation: "Is then soaking" is grammatically incorrect; "is subsequently soaked" maintains the correct tense and improves clarity.
"the flattering stage" -> "the flattening stage"
Explanation: "Flattering" is a misusage; "flattening" accurately describes the process of making the skin flat.
"a liquid named Tannin consisting of water and vegetable matter" -> "a solution known as tannin, composed of water and vegetable matter"
Explanation: "A liquid named" is informal; "a solution known as" is more precise and aligns with scientific terminology.
"completely treated with the polishing step" -> "subjected to a polishing process"
Explanation: "Completely treated with" is vague; "subjected to a polishing process" is clearer and maintains formal tone.
"produced to the final products such as handbags, shoes to cater for human needs" -> "transformed into final products such as handbags and shoes to meet human needs"
Explanation: "Produced to" is awkward; "transformed into" is more precise. Additionally, "to meet human needs" is a more formal expression than "to cater for."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the process, but it does not fully cover all the key features. The essay mentions the main stages of the process, but it does not fully describe all the steps involved. For example, the essay mentions that the skin is soaked in lime to deodorize, but it does not mention that the skin is also soaked in water and lime to eliminate impurities. The essay also mentions that the skin is flattened by a specialized machine, but it does not mention that the skin is also polished.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed description of the process. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the skin is subjected to the careful washing phase," the essay could say "the skin is washed with water and lime to remove impurities."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the initial drying of animal skin to the final leather goods. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical, leading to a lack of fluidity in the writing. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the essay could benefit from clearer separation of ideas into distinct paragraphs.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by ensuring that each paragraph contains a single clear topic. Varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring they enhance rather than disrupt the flow of information will also help. Lastly, refining the paragraph structure to clearly delineate different stages of the process would contribute to a more organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing a process. It includes some attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "meticulous," "deodorize," and "polishing." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "flattering stage" instead of "flattening stage," which detracts from clarity. Additionally, there are errors in spelling (e.g., "í" instead of "is") and some awkward phrasing that may impede communication. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient for the task, the inaccuracies and errors prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further and ensuring the correct usage of terms, particularly those related to the process being described. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would enhance clarity and precision. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures could also improve the overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors present, such as "which is then soaking in lime" (should be "which is then soaked in lime") and "the flattering stage is applied to animal skin" (the term "flattering" seems incorrect in this context). These errors do not significantly hinder communication, but they do indicate a lack of control over grammatical structures. The use of punctuation is generally acceptable, but there are instances where clarity could be improved.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy.
Minimize Errors: Proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing.
Clarify Terminology: Ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate for the context (e.g., replacing "flattering" with a more suitable term).
Enhance Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation to improve the overall clarity and flow of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram illustrates the process of producing leather goods for human use. In general, what stands out is that the process involves several stages, beginning with the drying of animal skin and culminating in the final leather products.

As indicated in the process, animal skin collected from various sources undergoes a meticulous drying step, after which it is transported to a specialized factory via lorries for processing. In the subsequent stage, the skin is carefully washed using water and lime to remove unwanted impurities and dirt, followed by soaking in lime to deodorize it.

Focusing on the remaining steps, the flattening stage is applied to the animal skin using a specialized machine before it is soaked again in a liquid called Tannin, which consists of water and vegetable matter. Moving forward, the skin undergoes a polishing step before being transported to another factory in trucks. Ultimately, it is transformed into final products such as handbags and shoes to meet human needs.