The pictures show the layout of a cinema in 1980 and the same cinema now.

The layout of a cinema has witnessed remarkable changes in the period of 44 years. The most noticeable changes have been the addition of the entertainment facilities to serve the demand of users.

The largest changes mainly concentrate on the left of the areas in this period. There is another cinema is located at the top of the toilet and is added in the position of the previous car park in 2024. Now, the longest cinema is built at the bottom of the toilet and to the north of both food drinks and relax room which are constructed on the western end of the areas.

In 1980, the cinema 2 was removed and converted into three smaller cinemas. There are drinks were next to the ticket in the past which is replaced by DVD shop in 2024. Besides, the spacing between ticket and entry has been smaller for 40 years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The layout of a cinema has witnessed remarkable changes" -> "The layout of cinemas has undergone significant transformations"
Explanation: "Witnessed remarkable changes" is somewhat informal and vague. "Undergone significant transformations" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"The most noticeable changes have been the addition of the entertainment facilities to serve the demand of users." -> "The most significant changes have been the introduction of additional entertainment facilities to meet user demand."
Explanation: "The addition of the entertainment facilities to serve the demand of users" is awkwardly phrased and slightly informal. "The introduction of additional entertainment facilities to meet user demand" is clearer and more formal.
"The largest changes mainly concentrate on the left of the areas in this period." -> "The most significant changes have primarily occurred on the left side of the area during this period."
Explanation: "The largest changes mainly concentrate on the left of the areas" is awkwardly phrased and lacks precision. "The most significant changes have primarily occurred on the left side of the area" is more specific and formal.
"There is another cinema is located at the top of the toilet" -> "Another cinema is situated above the toilets"
Explanation: "There is another cinema is located at the top of the toilet" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Another cinema is situated above the toilets" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.
"and is added in the position of the previous car park in 2024." -> "and was relocated to the site previously occupied by a car park in 2024."
Explanation: "Is added in the position of the previous car park" is unclear and informal. "Was relocated to the site previously occupied by a car park" clarifies the action and is more formal.
"Now, the longest cinema is built at the bottom of the toilet" -> "Currently, the longest cinema is situated at the bottom of the building"
Explanation: "Built" is too informal and vague for this context. "Situated" is more precise and appropriate for an academic description of a physical location.
"to the north of both food drinks and relax room" -> "north of the food and beverage area and the relaxation room"
Explanation: "Food drinks and relax room" is informal and lacks clarity. "Food and beverage area and the relaxation room" is more specific and formal.
"which are constructed on the western end of the areas." -> "which were constructed at the western end of the complex."
Explanation: "Constructed on the western end of the areas" is awkward and vague. "Constructed at the western end of the complex" is more precise and formal.
"There are drinks were next to the ticket in the past" -> "There were drinks adjacent to the ticket in the past"
Explanation: "There are drinks were" is grammatically incorrect. "There were drinks adjacent to the ticket in the past" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.
"which is replaced by DVD shop in 2024." -> "which was replaced by a DVD shop in 2024."
Explanation: "Which is replaced" is incorrect tense usage. "Which was replaced" corrects the tense to match the past context.
"Besides, the spacing between ticket and entry has been smaller for 40 years." -> "Furthermore, the distance between the ticket counter and the entrance has decreased by 40% over the years."
Explanation: "Besides" is too informal and vague. "Furthermore" is more appropriate for an academic transition. Also, "has been smaller" is vague; "has decreased by 40%" provides a specific percentage change, enhancing precision.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes, and it recounts details mechanically. The essay does not adequately cover all key features/bullet points, and there is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes, highlighting the key features/bullet points, and avoiding irrelevant details. The essay should also be more concise and to the point. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that the cinema has been expanded to include more cinemas, a food and drinks area, and a relax room. The essay could also be improved by stating that the car park has been removed and replaced with a cinema. The essay should also avoid irrelevant details, such as the fact that the spacing between the ticket and entry has been smaller for 40 years.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization but lacks overall progression in presenting the changes in the cinema layout over time. There is an attempt at paragraphing, but it is not consistent or logical, which affects the coherence. Some cohesive devices are used, but they are not always accurate or appropriately employed, leading to occasional repetition and confusion. The essay lacks a clear structure and logical flow between ideas.

How to improve:

Organization and Progression: Ensure a clear introduction that outlines the main changes and a conclusion that summarizes the key points.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices (such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases) more accurately and consistently to link ideas and improve clarity.
Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic related to the changes in the cinema layout, and use paragraph breaks logically to separate different ideas or time periods.

By improving these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with basic usage that is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are numerous inaccuracies in word choice, collocation, and word formation, which detract from clarity and coherence. The essay includes noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, which can cause strain for the reader.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider variety of vocabulary beyond basic terms. Explore synonyms and more descriptive language.
Improve Accuracy: Pay closer attention to word choice, ensuring words are used correctly in context.
Enhance Word Formation: Work on forming words correctly (e.g., plurals, verb tenses) to improve readability and coherence.
Spelling: Check for spelling errors systematically to improve overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay attempts to convey changes in the layout of a cinema over time, it lacks the lexical range and accuracy expected for higher band scores, thus aligning with Band 4 criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including some complex forms, but the execution is often marred by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. There are frequent issues with subject-verb agreement, word order, and sentence clarity. For instance, phrases like "The largest changes mainly concentrate on the left of the areas" are unclear and contain errors that disrupt communication. Punctuation is also inconsistent, further affecting readability. While there is an effort to include complex sentences, such attempts often result in inaccuracies that hinder comprehension.

How to improve:

Grammatical Accuracy: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistent use of correct verb forms.
Sentence Clarity: Simplify complex sentence structures until more accuracy is achieved. Clearer phrasing will enhance overall readability.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, especially in separating ideas and clauses properly.

Improving these aspects will help in achieving higher band scores by enhancing the clarity and precision of the essay’s language.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s the improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report based on the provided original:

The layout of a cinema has undergone significant changes over a span of 44 years. The most notable developments include the addition of entertainment facilities to meet user demand.

The major changes primarily focus on the left side of the area during this period. Another cinema has been positioned above the former car park in 2024. Presently, the longest cinema is located below the previous cinema and to the north of both the refreshment area and relaxation room, which are situated at the western end of the premises.

In 1980, Cinema 2 was replaced and divided into three smaller cinemas. Previously, refreshments were located next to the ticket counter, but in 2024, they have been replaced by a DVD shop. Additionally, the distance between the ticket counter and the entrance has decreased over the past 40 years.

This revision aims to maintain the original structure and vocabulary as closely as possible while enhancing clarity and coherence.